The Final Stretch

Yesterday we returned from Knoxville, and today we received the call to go back. So some laundry is in the wash, suitcases are being cleared out to be re-filled, and we are trying to make some plans for Juniper, because we don't have the heart to send her back to the boarding place after just picking her up last night.

These are a few photos from our long weekend in Knoxville. My parents' good friends, Linda and Tom, came by with a delicious meal (including the best ice cream cake we have ever tasted, courtesy of Linda) and Tom's clown get-up with magic tricks for the boys. Myles especially like the magic wand, which had a tip that lit up and muisc that played when he pressed the button on it. Also, there's a photo of my dad eating ice cream next to my brother-in-law Brian, who came out with my sister and her kids for the weekend. They are staying on, he had to return home to work (oh yeah, work).

On Saturday my dad began having trouble keeping food and fluids down. Still today, Tuesday, nothing is staying down so we are inclined to believe that his digestive system has permanently shut down. His weight is 130lbs. We are entering the final stretch.

So I am signing off for a while. We will head back to Knoxville in the morning. As if by pure design, we received word today of two couples that we know from ASP each welcoming their first baby into the world. Welcome, Anna and Henry...you are right on time! A reminder that God is still doing something new among us. Congratulations Helen and Craig, Ryan and Debra! We're thinking about you...

Just the other day, the song that my dad and I danced to at my wedding popped into my head. It's called "Blessed to be a Witness" by Ben Harper:

Corcovado parted the sky and through the darkness on us he shined. Crucified in stone, still his blood is my own. Glory behold all my eyes have seen.

I am blessed to be a witness.

Some have flown away and can't be with us here today. Like the hills of my home some have crumbled and now are gone. Gather round, for today won't come again.

I am blessed to be a witness.

So much sorrow and pain, still I will not live in vain. Like good questions never asked is wisdom wasted on the past.

Only by the grace of God go I. I am blessed to be a witness.

Amen!

Yale and Boston

On Thursday night I flew into Boston and headed to New Haven for a conference on nuclear disarmament at Yale divinity school. I spoke on a panel there on Friday, then had the opportunity to hear Tony Blair speak to the Yale community that evening. At the last minute, I called my longtime friend Susan Goebel from ASP times, who recently moved to New Haven and it just so happened that she was free for the night! So we went out and had some Thai food and talked. It's always good to laugh with old friends and catch up on life. On Saturday I went for an early morning run around the Yale campus then stopped in Hartford for breakfast with Paul Fitzgerald, another old ASP friend (who was actually my boss back in the day...everything I know I learned from him, including being goaded into ridiculous challenges that I always seemed to lose). I finally arrived back in Boston for a WAND board meeting and staff retreat. It was a blast! I work with some very cool women, and we went out to eat in the heart of Boston each night after business was finished. On Monday I flew back home...and all day I was a wreck because I was so anxious to get back home to Myles. The trip was too long, as fun as it was. I finally arrived home after he was in bed, and I got a nice sleepy hug before I went to bed.

Seth was home with Myles all weekend. He mowed the lawn, planted new shrubs, did work in the house, and managed to take Myles to a brewfest downtown and a party at a friend's house too. While he was mowing the lawn he noticed that he mowed right over a rabbit den with a bunch of baby rabbits in it. The photo above was taken as a result. We did see the mama come back for them yesterday evening, so we are hopeful they will live even though we kind of infringed on their new home.

Myles continues to grow like crazy...in fact, after I got home it seemed like he had grown an inch! His favorite thing to do is sit in the driver's seat and pretend to steer. He also danced to some music at a friend's house this evening, and shows a great deal of interest in all musical instruments.

Our city is running out of gas. There are long lines where folks must wait for hours, and there have been fights. We believe we have enough to get us to the Tennessee line tomorrow and then we think there will be plenty of gas there. I know other cities like Charlotte, Atlanta, and Nashville have also had shortages, but Knoxville is fine.

Voss Family Update

I want to post a quick update on my dad, followed by another update on my recent travel trip for work. First, my dad. I spoke with him this morning, and he has had such difficulty with solid foods that for now he is sticking with liquids. As always, he sounds upbeat even though I can tell he's also tired. He continues to lose weight and weaken (no more walks around the block), but still has the energy to go up and down the steps and sit outside to take in the gorgeous fall southern sun. The weather is positively beautiful, and I can tell that these are the small things that make all the difference to my dad right now.
Our family will leave tomorrow to go back to Knoxville. My sister and her family will arrive in Nashville (my mom's picking them up there) tomorrow as well. We are bringing a video camera which we hope to use to ask my dad some questions so that he can offer his advice and a little bit of himself to his grandkids down the road. He has agreed to this, and I am very grateful.
Myles is eager to be with his cousins again (not to mention Grandma!), and there's no place I'd rather be than with family. My dad seems to be very much at peace. When I called this morning he was listening to the Bible on a cd that friends had gotten for him. He often begins his morning this way these days. Because he is at peace, I am able to accept far more than I imagined I would, and I too am able to be at peace (well, God has something to do with that as well). I am not anxious about my dad's death, just grateful to be spending some more time with him before he goes home to God. Continue to appreciate your prayers, I'll try to keep the blog updated.

Oh September

Seth and Greg successfully completed a 208 mile relay race with ten other teammates on Saturday. The event began on Thursday evening when they drove 3 hours north into Virginia. At 8:00am on Friday morning, the race began with each team member running 3 legs of the 30 hour race. In between legs, team members ate, slept, and took in the beautiful setting. Seth ran a total of 24 miles. Greg, who took on a 4th leg after one teammate was injured, ran a total of 26 miles. The Gnarly Barley bunch team finished in the top half of all teams, and Seth ran between 6:15 and 6:30 mile pace throughout, even on his 10 mile leg which was mostly uphill. Congratulations Seth and Greg!! They had a wonderful time, and Seth's post race state is a 100% improvement over his semi-catatonic state from last year's race (of course he had caught a bug last year too). The training paid off!

Pictured below the photos of Seth and his brother Greg are three of the glorious empanadas that Heather brought over last week. They tasted even better than they looked! Myles loved them too. Tonight the Burnets came over and Colleen cooked a meal with the help of Claire and me (okay we only helped a little). We made some mistakes in the recipe, but it turned out to be so tasty that I am now regretting that second helping I had.

The best news of the day by far is that my dad was on his way home from the hospital when I called at 5:45pm. He had eaten some cereal, soup, and 2 Boosts...hooray for food! Tomorrow he will talk to his doctor at MD Anderson. This weekend we will be in Knoxville with my folks.

Myles is still popping four molars. One on the top is almost all the way through, the other peeking half way and the ones on the bottom are still just swollen lumps. He's moody, broody, and not sleeping quite as well as usual. He needs some extra mama love, and then when I give it he's quick with the elbow to the chest (it works every time!) to let me know he wants back down. Tomorrow are his school pictures. I'm very excited to have a new set of photos of this sweet little being.

More News

Well, Seth conveniently stole both the camera and our earphones on his way out the door to run the Blue Ridge Relay (come on, isn't my plan to watch John McCain on the internet more important than having a soundtrack as he runs 24 miles???), so I can't post a photo of the beautiful empanadas we consumed last night. But it's just as well. I wasn't sure they would fit the mood of this entry anyhow.

An update on my dad: yesterday they administered his second day dosage of chemotherapy, and he had some pretty awful side effects. He vomited, he experienced tremors, his legs buckled each time he tried to stand, and (worst of all) he became incoherent. MD Anderson had told my folks that "mental confusion" was a possible side effect of this chemo. You always hope that you're not in that percentage they give you of people affected. It was a very difficult day for my dad and my mom. For me, my dad's spiritual, mental, and emotional courage has been the one thing I've relied on throughout this awful encouter with cancer as a source of peace. So to hear that he was incoherent brought up a lot of grief for me. And I guess some guilt too...wishing I was there to help my mom, not knowing if and when I should just pack Myles up and go.

The VERY GOOD NEWS is that today my dad is coherent. The tremors have all but left his system, and we think that tomorrow he will be strong enough to walk on his own. His pastor spent some time with them today, and I know that was comforting and refreshing.

In consultation with my mom, his doctor, and my brother (the family doctor), my dad has decided to discontinue the chemo due to the nasty side effects. It's hard to let go of the bit of hope we had hoarded...hope that the chemo would miraculously dissolve the tumors. But I tell you what, chemo can be like a poison itself. So I actually feel a lot of relief that my dad has chosen to halt the chemo.

My plan is to stay in Asheville this weekend, then travel to Knoxville next weekend with Seth and Myles, unless my folks need or want me to come sooner than that. My dad will likely go home on Saturday.

I ran two miles this morning, and I think it helps with getting out the grief toxins. Seth's brother Greg arrived this evening, and they left for the relay race. His team will finish the race on Saturday afternoon, and Seth has trained so hard for this that I am hoping he has a blast and feels great out there. Signing off...

P.S. Much love to all my community organizer friends out there...don't let Sarah get ya down!

The Invincible, Untamable, Running Woman

No, not Sarah Palin. Me! Though I don't have any photographic proof just yet (and so instead inserted this photo of my fine man following his first marathon last year for inspiration), I have decided to begin running. Again. I tried to run back in college and post college years to keep in shape and, frankly, I hated it. I dreaded every minute of it. After ten years of watching Seth run, here's where I think I went wrong: uninspired landscapes, lack of training schedule, monotonous routes, skimpy mileage, lack of coaching, and no soundtrack. So this time around, Seth is helping me figure out running routes, how to start out easy and gradually increase to where I'm running enough miles that it hurts so good. It's amazing how having a 20 month old will motivate you to get out of the house solo (even at 6:30am) and feel like it's a privilege to watch the city wake up. Tomorrow I will do a greenway run which promises to be beautiful. I confess I only turned over this leaf two days ago. But I think it's going to stick.

My dad can't run any more, and what he wouldn't give to be out there running down the miles. I think when I feel tired and wimpy and want to quit, I'll remember my dad's love of running and catch a second wind. It's truly amazing what the body can do, and with the amount of stress I've been under this summer, why not be in better shape?

On another note, I want to offer a shout out to the sweet and generous Heather, who dropped by this afternoon with some freshly made empanadas (beef and eggplant) as well as some poppy bread. It's the big-little things like this that make this time less hard.

My dad started chemo yesterday. We spent the weekend together, and he had color in his cheeks, but a hard time moving the food through his system. Never before have I been so appreciative just to flick on a stupid movie and watch it together, or take a walk around the block. My mom insisted we clean out our car, which was just what I needed. These are the things that fall by the wayside until someone gets in my face with some cleaning supplies...and then she did most of it when Myles woke up from his nap. Thank you mom!

Myles is in the midst of some teething pain. He has two swollen lumps on the bottom, and two molars beginning to peek through on the top, along with a runny nose, a slight cough, and it's been hard for him to sleep. Ouch! Any mama advice on the issue very welcomed.

Seth will run the Blue Ridge Relay this weekend, and his brother Greg will arrive in town tomorrow to run it with him. Seth has the most difficult legs this year...each runner runs 3 legs, and Seth's make up a total of 24 miles. Eat, sleep, RUN! Go Seth!

Audrey's Memorial Service

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