Love to Audrey

I'm typing this post with one earphone in, listening to "Born in the USA" on cnn.com's coverage of the Democratic Convention. Just as Audrey would have it...
On Monday, Seth's "Aunt" Audrey (pictured above at Thanksgiving 2006, with Myles in my belly) transitioned on out of this world. She lived life well...wore it out like a good pair of jeans, and we simply adored her. As the best friend of Seth's maternal grandmother, Audrey stepped in when Seth's grandma passed away and has been nothing short of family since Seth was very little. Audrey was a say-it-like-it-is (with that beloved Brooklyn accent!) type of woman who loved all kinds of people, played perhaps the best Scrabble game we've ever participated in, and loved talking POLITICS! My kind of woman...
A service to honor Audrey and celebrate her life (while mourning the loss of her bodily presence in our lives) will take place on Saturday. Seth will be traveling up to be with his family. After going back and forth, I finally decided today that I will head to TN to be with my dad (and my grandmother who is 87 years old and every bit as fiesty as Audrey was!) in my dad's last weekend before beginning chemo. I've never wished quite so much that I could be in two places at once. But I will be thinking of Audrey on Saturday and celebrating her wonderful life and spirit from Tennessee.
I gotta tell you, it's been a hard summer. Just flat out hard. This week I have not been gracious or patient or even reasonable. I've been hard to live with, and not much fun. I think we are just tired. Tired of grieving, tired of the hard changes that have come our way uninvited. Sick and tired of sick and tired...
Hesitant to write yet one more post that doesn't contain good news and belies our weariness...
But we are ever thankful for family and friends. Thanks for staying tuned. Keep the prayers a-comin.

Lily of the Valley

Okay, so this isn't really a lily of the valley (which are small, white, and bell shaped), but this is the gorgeous lily growing in our front yard, and we feel like we're in a bit of a valley time. I just learned that lilies of the valley are also called "Our Lady's Tears" because according to Christian legend, the tears that Mary shed at the cross turned into lilies of the valley. I like that.

My dad went to the hospital today for two post-surgery check ups, one with his oncologist and one with his surgeon. Both went well, and my dad is doing pretty well so long as he eats slowly. We are all hoping he will put on some weight, especially since he has decided, as of today, to go back on chemo. His first treatment will be September 2nd. He told me he wants to go out fighting, and how can you argue with that? Today he sent out another Caring Bridge update and I had the good fortune of spending some time reading guest book entries. It's such a gift to read what so many people have to say about my dad, especially those who worked with him at Birmingham schools. As a kid, you rarely get a glimpse into your parents' professional lives, and now I'm getting the chance to hear first hand what an impact my dad had in all those years that he worked for the Birmingham school district.

Myles learned to jump this week...and while it's only about a centimeter off the floor, he gets the biggest kick out of it and laughs and laughs. He skidded on the sidewalk earlier this week and has a scratch all down his nose to show for it. Then today we walked to Greenlife grocery and I bought him a smoothie and by the time we got back it was on his forehead, his cheek, his tummy, all over his hands, up the side of one arm, and on his pants. I think he would have bathed in it if he could. At the end of an active day, even covered in daily grime, his sweet skin still smells so good!

I am really saddened this week by the immigration raid that happened here in western NC, just north of Asheville. I know that families are being broken apart by this raid, and I know of wonderful people in our city who are working around the clock to help families make legal decisions before they are deported, to know their human rights, and to offer compassion in a time of trauma and terror. I had the privilege of working with a small group of people on this issue several months ago, because we knew a raid would eventually happen here and we wanted to begin to prepare for it, to talk to clergy about it, so that many of us could come together and say that we do not want families torn apart in our community, people treated in any way that's less than dignified. We remembered all of God's words about loving the foreigner, caring for the sojourner, welcoming the stranger. So now the raid has happened, and I am grateful that we have people in place to provide some kind of emergency response. I know immigration is a complex issue and that there's a lot of disagreement about it in the public square. I don't think we all have to agree, but I do think we have to treat all people with dignity and care for families the best we can. There's a really great book called Enrique's Journey, a true life story about a young boy traveling into the U.S. illegally from Honduras, risking his life, so that he can come and be with his mom. If you haven't had the chance to read it, put it on your list.

Not much else to share tonight, but we are very glad to be back at home in the mix of the daily grind. So much to be thankful for. Blessings on your evening.

Seth Passes His Professional Exam!!

"We thank you God for this most amazing day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue true dream of a sky; and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes (I who have died am alive again today. and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birthday of life and of love and wings: and of the gay great happening illimitably earth). how should tasting touching seeing breathing any--lifted from the no of all nothing--human merely being doubt unimaginable you? (now the ears of my ears awake and now the eyes of my eyes are opened)" --ee cummings

Tonight we intend to celebrate, because Seth passed the final section of his professional exam, and will be formally certified as a Landscape Architect, stamp and all! Seth has been very diligent and committed to conquering this 6-section, extremely difficult exam...please send a quick "congratulations" his way.

Way to go, Seth!! We're all very proud of you. (And boy does it feel good to have some GOOD news to report...)

Back from Knoxville

We just returned from Knoxville. After going back and forth for a week, Seth and I went with Myles on Saturday (August 9), Seth came home early Tuesday morning and Myles and I stayed the week. Seth came back on Friday, and we all came home this afternoon. I didn't know whether I would come home today or not, because my dad's situation has been changing with each day and we have been up and down along with him. After a few days of his body not tolerating solids, last night he had a break through after eating some baked beans (the magical fruit!)...and today went on to digest his food as he dug into cold cuts, fruit, cereal, and more beans (not to mention the ever present Boost, a high calorie high protein drink). We do not know what to make of it all, but my sense is that again he is experiencing partial blockage of his digestive system, which can result in some days not being able to get food down and other days being able to digest again.

The week has been hard. My dad lost a little weight, and as you can imagine lost a great deal of energy because he was not getting the nutrients he needed. Also, healing from major surgery in the midst of all of this. But the most weighty thing, by far, has been facing my dad's mortality...something that has looked each of us square in the face this week. We do not know how long or short my dad's road is, but I am grateful that it leads home to God, and I know this knowledge gives him a great deal of comfort in the midst of uncertainty about many other things. My parents have begun the awful tasks of planning and preparing for all that will happen when my dad dies. It takes a great deal of energy and is really difficult to do, but it is better to have my dad be able to be a part of these discussions and know that my mom will have things in place rather than having it all confront her in the hardest days after his death.

My Aunt Penny and Uncle Gary (my mom's sister and her husband) have come to be with my folks for a few days, and our friends and family (locally and from afar) have been nothing short of amazing in terms of providing support, care, and love. If you have been among these, thank you thank you thank you.

Seth and I plan to return on the weekends for the forseeable future, and when my dad's sytem becomes completely blocked I will go to be with them immediately (and perhaps Seth will too). At that point, my dad will receive fluids through an i.v. and pain medications, and comfort care in his final days. Most of all, he will be surrounded by the love of God, family, and friends as he makes the journey home. I name all of this, because it is the reality we have faced in the last two weeks, and yet none of us knows when this time will come. It is my hope that my dad will get strong again and be able to do all the things that he loves to do before the tumors hijack his digestive system completely.

My dad is beginning to spend a lot of time thinking about heaven, reading about it, imagining what it means that a place is prepared for him, what it will mean to be in God's hands, in God's presence, at home with God. His tremendous courage in facing all that is to come is rooted in his faith, and we are so grateful for that. He continues to be the most gracious and positive among us, and so I know that cancer will never kill his incredible character and buoyant spirit. There is a lot of comfort in that. To face death with dignity is something I hope and pray that I will be able to do just like my dad.

Many of you have asked if there's anything you can do for us. MOstly, we just need some time and some quiet, a lot of sleep and understanding. It is so hard to tell the story again and again, so please be gracious with me if I have not had the chance to return calls and emails. But I have never been more grateful for our beloved group of friends than in the past few weeks.

In the midst of it all, as you can see from the photos above (the top one is my youngest nephew Finn, then Myles, the last one is of Myles in the sprinkler with cousins Ashton and Cullen), there have been moments of joy and laughter and celebration of life...the kids can't help themselves. And they remind us that it's still possible to smile, laugh, and celebrate all the wonderful gifts that we have even in this hard season. Much love to you and yours.

Update on Bob

Bob has been awake and conversational for most of the morning. The surgeon and oncologist

came by to discuss the details of the surgery with Mandy, Corey and Gail present. They spoke candidly about options for further treatment. There are difficult decisions to make, but Bob is handling things with impressive grace and strength, which helps keep Mandy strong. Bob has been very gracious to the medical team, constantly thanking the nurses and doctors despite all the poking and prodding they've been doing. He's been asking about family and friends, wondering how others are reacting to the news of this setback. Mandy says he looks good, with color in his face, a solid covering of hair on his head and even a goatee. Other than the epidural he's relatively unplugged and will try walking around a bit this afternoon. Hopefully he will be able to leave the hospital in a matter of a few days. Mandy and Myles will be staying at Gail and Bob's house in Knoxville full-time for the next few weeks. I will visit on long weekends. Brenna and Brian and their two sons will be joining them although Brian will just stay for a couple of days. There will for sure be a full house on Oligee Lane, but Bob and Gail are welcoming all the love. Thank you to all our friends who have expressed support and offered help during this tough time. We will keep you updated.

Love for Bob

Bob's surgery was ended shortly when the surgeon discovered that the tumor against the intestine was too intertwined with the intestine itself to complete a by-pass or even a feeding tube installation. Bob was closed back up and is now sleeping in his room on the 12th floor of the University of Tennessee Medical Center. The doctors have determined that intravenous feeding won't be possible so the plan is for Bob to eat by mouth until the intestine blocks up completely (probably a couple of weeks at best) and then make him as comfortable as possible at home. Mandy is at the hospital and will be spending the night with Gail in Bob's room. Tonight is a horrible night.

I've been pacing around the house for the last few hours feeling sick to my stomach and wishing I were at the hospital with Mandy. I've decided to write this entry and take the opportunity to say a few words about the Bob Voss who I have come to love like my own father:

It's not hard to get right to the point about Bob Voss. He is a great man; surely one of the finest men this world has ever known. He is a chivalrous and committed husband who can still be caught gazing lovingly at Gail like they were just married yesterday; who is unapologetic about complimenting her to the brink of embarrassment.

Bob is a loving father who would give the moon to his children if he could reach that high. Bob's biggest hope for the future, above any dream or material possession for himself is that his children have everything they need to live a healthy and prosperous life in this world. I remember very well the weekend Bob and Gail came to Atlanta to help Mandy and I prepare our new house for move-in. It was a couple weeks before the wedding and we were overloaded with wedding planning and stressed to the brink of splitting up. Bob tiled our bathtub, painted the walls and helped install the bedroom flooring until his hands were sore. Then he came back the following weekend and did it all again. On our lunch breaks he would insist on treating us to ice cream (see picture above). See, Bob is a selfless giver. It's not uncommon for him to pay for your dinner or buy you a gift- even after lending you a hand. For those two weekends Bob helped us without complaint or ulterior motive but out of the pure goodness of his beautiful heart and his love for Mandy and her well being.

Bob is a amazing grandfather of six grandsons who he talks about with glowing admiration and pride. If Bob has a choice of dining with Tiger Woods or spending the weekend at the beach with his grand kids he might have to think twice, but he'd choose his grand kids.

Bob is a tremendously respected colleague. He leaves in his wake confidence, satisfaction and quality in every task he completes and interaction he has. Bob has transformed the quality of school districts throughout the country through his work with Venture for Excellence. He is passionate about his work and convicted by the message he delivers.

Bob is a beloved friend of many, many people, whether they be from church, on the golf course, up in the snow drifts of Michigan or in the temperate hills of Tennessee. He is a excellent conversationalist and a captive listener of other peoples' life experiences. During a conversation Bob can always plug in a relevant or parallel story of someone else--someone he met or someone he read about in a magazine or heard about at church.

There are many other praiseworthy things I can say about my father-in-law and there are many other things his children would probably love to share. Bob has been like a father to me over the last eight years that I've known him. He has inspired me to be a more responsible father to Myles and a more patient husband to Mandy. By seeing the role faith has played in creating Bob and Gail's rock solid relationship, Bob has inspired me to take more seriously my faith in God.

For me it would be a huge accomplishment to be able to say that I have lived a life like that of Bob Voss; that I lived my life to the fullest and took nothing for granted; that I loved by wife and my kids and my grand kids with every ounce of love I could muster; that I was a good friend and inspirational colleague; that I learned from people and that I gave unconditionally.

I guess if there was one word I could use to sum up Bob it would be PEACE. God bless you Bob. I love you dearly.

Update on my Dad

I wish I had better news on my dad's situation. On Wednesday afternoon, I received a call from my brother who conveyed that there had been a shift in the treatment plan. A new CAT scan showed that one of the tumors in my dad's gut was beginning to significantly block off his digestive system, which would create real trouble if he was in the middle of chemo treatments with a compromised immune system and no way to digest his food. So the decision was made to halt chemo and instead operate on my dad on Thursday afternoon/evening to reattach his intestinal tract around the existing tumors. After recovery from surgery, he will resume chemo, hopefully within 3-4 weeks. While they are operating on my dad, they may also attempt to remove some of the tumors, but these tumors are very tricky, sticky things, and as they grow they pull in blood vessels and other things around them, making it much more difficult to remove them. Please pray that my dad's surgery will be successful. If they cannot re-route his digestive tract, then he will have to have a feeding tube installed, and we don't want that. Also please keep my mom in your thoughts and prayers as she supports and cares for my dad and digests these hard realities. We went to Knoxville last night so we could see my dad today before his surgery, and he looked fantastic. His hair has grown back, he had a lot of color in his face, he looked alive and well. In fact, he ran 3 miles the morning he came into the hospital to begin his chemo. It's hard to believe that those tumors are residing in what appears to be a healthy, happy guy who (as the nurses continue to remind us) looks much younger than his age (62).

Tomorrow is our 4th anniversary...we remember watching the Olympics four years ago from our honeymoon suite in Charleston. We will be thinking about my dad as he has surgery, and hope to celebrate sometime next week after my dad is more stabilized.

Thanks so much for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. The last two days have been very hard for me, and it helps to know our friends are thinking of us. Will keep you updated.

Tomato Craze!

Yesterday morning we made our weekly trek to the UNCA Farmer's Market, about a half mile from our house. We are now in the swing of buying a good bit of our veggies (and some fruit) here before our main weekly shopping trip on Mondays. Our farmer's market includes live music, fresh savory crepes made on site, all kinds of delightfully sweet baked goods which we try really hard to avoid (they are costly, and worth every bite!), veggies, berries, plants and flowers, local cheese, and local meats. It's a bustling market, and we always bump into someone we know. This week, the tomatoes were unbelievably gorgeous!

My dad tells the story of how, when he was very young, my grandmother sent him out into the garden with a salt shaker to fill up on cherry tomatoes. Unfortunately, his eyes were bigger than his stomach, and his stomach eventually protested. After getting sick on tomatoes, I grew up never seeing him eat another fresh tomato. We grew our own cherry tomatoes, both red and yellow bell, but my dad never ate one.

Well, I couldn't pity him more in this late July early August season when the tomatoes are heavy, colorful and plentiful, and absolutely mouthwatering! I did a photo-shoot with my three picks of the day...I think they are Cherokee purple (the darkest one), Brandywine, and I'm not sure what the yellow one is called. I am in love with the Cherokee purple. Tomato tasting should be as fine an art as wine tasting, and I wish I had words to describe the Cherokee purple. My favorite thing to do with in season heirlooms is to chop them up into a fresh, raw marinated tomato sauce which is good on baked polenta, pasta, rice, and you-name-it. I was happy to have three color varieties to make this a pretty sauce, and the recipe comes from Moosewood's Broccoli Forest. It includes a bit of salt, a few tablespoons of olive oil and redwine vinegar, chopped basil, garlic and the chopped tomatoes (I choose not to skin and seed them, they look too pretty with their skins on!). Last night we had it over tortellini.

Next week I have my eye on some green tomatoes for Moosewood's green gazpacho, which I discovered last summer. It includes avocado, cukes, and other green things and it is the best gazpacho I've ever had.

Seth's on his long run of the week, a fifteen mile-r, and after that he will have put in a 44 mile week. Not too shabby for a workin papa who also exercises/feeds the dog every day! He has an incredible gift for running, and I really admire the way that he dedicates time to cultivating it, which keeps him healthy mentally and physically and makes for a much happier family. As for me, I am sore today from yoga, but headed back this afternoon for some more!

Yesterday we took Myles to the Nature Center, a resource in Asheville that we are very lucky and proud to have. At the WNC Nature Center, they have a petting zoo of farm animals, a turtle pond, and then a bunch of wild animals that have been rescued and are being rehabilitated to rejoin the wild, if possible. We spied two black bears, four deer, two bobcats, the most gorgeous sun-basking cougar, but couldn't catch sight of the wolves. We also saw birds of prey, and walked through the butterfly exhibit, which is a temporary thing with bunches of live butterflies. Despite the heat, Myles enjoyed it. I think we'll go back in the fall. He talked to the sheep in his high, sing-song voice that he uses to engage Juniper and other animals. Very sweet.
That's all the news for now. Signing off...

a summer saturday

A few birthday shout outs...to Erin, who turned 31 on Thursday and also to my brother-in-law Greg who has a birthday on Monday. Happy birthday loved ones!

We are headed to the farmer's market in short order, but wanted to quickly post these photos and also news about my dad. He went to MD Anderson in Houston this week, and they determined that his tumors have grown, so it's back on the chemo. This chemo is called ifosfamide, and he will have to be in-hospital for the 4 days and nights when it's administered, beginning Monday. Then he will have the following two weeks "off" though he's expected to not feel very well for one of them. In early September he will go back to MD, but they think he will be on this for about 6 cycles (18 weeks). This chemo is expected to have stronger side effects than the last chemo he was on, physically and mentally. It affects every patient differently, so we will just have to wait and see how it will affect my dad. All of this is hard news. My dad has such a positive spirit, but we are all frustrated with this disease and disheartened sometimes by all that's required of him and my mom to stave it off. Please pray for my folks in this time of transition as my dad begins a new chemo with regular hospital stays.

It's hard to move from that news to a positive note, but I thought the photo of Myles helping with the laundry was worth a smile. He is such a helper. This weekend we bought a potty for him, but so far all he wants to do is take it apart and put it back together again. Signing off for now.