Back from Knoxville

We just returned from Knoxville. After going back and forth for a week, Seth and I went with Myles on Saturday (August 9), Seth came home early Tuesday morning and Myles and I stayed the week. Seth came back on Friday, and we all came home this afternoon. I didn't know whether I would come home today or not, because my dad's situation has been changing with each day and we have been up and down along with him. After a few days of his body not tolerating solids, last night he had a break through after eating some baked beans (the magical fruit!)...and today went on to digest his food as he dug into cold cuts, fruit, cereal, and more beans (not to mention the ever present Boost, a high calorie high protein drink). We do not know what to make of it all, but my sense is that again he is experiencing partial blockage of his digestive system, which can result in some days not being able to get food down and other days being able to digest again.

The week has been hard. My dad lost a little weight, and as you can imagine lost a great deal of energy because he was not getting the nutrients he needed. Also, healing from major surgery in the midst of all of this. But the most weighty thing, by far, has been facing my dad's mortality...something that has looked each of us square in the face this week. We do not know how long or short my dad's road is, but I am grateful that it leads home to God, and I know this knowledge gives him a great deal of comfort in the midst of uncertainty about many other things. My parents have begun the awful tasks of planning and preparing for all that will happen when my dad dies. It takes a great deal of energy and is really difficult to do, but it is better to have my dad be able to be a part of these discussions and know that my mom will have things in place rather than having it all confront her in the hardest days after his death.

My Aunt Penny and Uncle Gary (my mom's sister and her husband) have come to be with my folks for a few days, and our friends and family (locally and from afar) have been nothing short of amazing in terms of providing support, care, and love. If you have been among these, thank you thank you thank you.

Seth and I plan to return on the weekends for the forseeable future, and when my dad's sytem becomes completely blocked I will go to be with them immediately (and perhaps Seth will too). At that point, my dad will receive fluids through an i.v. and pain medications, and comfort care in his final days. Most of all, he will be surrounded by the love of God, family, and friends as he makes the journey home. I name all of this, because it is the reality we have faced in the last two weeks, and yet none of us knows when this time will come. It is my hope that my dad will get strong again and be able to do all the things that he loves to do before the tumors hijack his digestive system completely.

My dad is beginning to spend a lot of time thinking about heaven, reading about it, imagining what it means that a place is prepared for him, what it will mean to be in God's hands, in God's presence, at home with God. His tremendous courage in facing all that is to come is rooted in his faith, and we are so grateful for that. He continues to be the most gracious and positive among us, and so I know that cancer will never kill his incredible character and buoyant spirit. There is a lot of comfort in that. To face death with dignity is something I hope and pray that I will be able to do just like my dad.

Many of you have asked if there's anything you can do for us. MOstly, we just need some time and some quiet, a lot of sleep and understanding. It is so hard to tell the story again and again, so please be gracious with me if I have not had the chance to return calls and emails. But I have never been more grateful for our beloved group of friends than in the past few weeks.

In the midst of it all, as you can see from the photos above (the top one is my youngest nephew Finn, then Myles, the last one is of Myles in the sprinkler with cousins Ashton and Cullen), there have been moments of joy and laughter and celebration of life...the kids can't help themselves. And they remind us that it's still possible to smile, laugh, and celebrate all the wonderful gifts that we have even in this hard season. Much love to you and yours.