Remembering my Dad

Tomorrow marks six months since my dad's death. I will keep a candle lit all day in memory of him, and I've been mindful of other ways to honor him as well. This weekend we will finally plant a cherry tree in remembrance of my dad, a gift from many beloved ASP friends. Despite Seth's protests, it's a tree that produces edible cherries...fresh fruit from our back yard that we can enjoy year after year.

It's hard to believe it's been half a year since I've heard my dad's voice or gave him a squeeze. All the time, I'm wondering what he would think of this or what he would advise about that. What would he think about President Obama and Arne Duncan? How would he advise us in the midst of this economic downturn? What would be his commentary on tonight's game between MSU and UNC?

I'm learning that when a parent dies, the whole family system lurches. My dad was our anchor in so many ways. He was the mediator, the complimentor, the optimist. He took a genuine interest in the varied passions of his three children and six grandchildren. He loved telling the latest stories about my grandmother. He adored his wife. The wake of his loss is more than grief, it's a whole shift into a family season that's unfamiliar...

I know in my gut that one day when I think of my dad, the first thing that comes up will not be a pang of sorrow or a wave of grief, but the deep joy that comes from having a parent who has loved you well. One day it will be a light-hearted memory that rises to the surface, and I'll laugh first. But for now it's still this grief journey that accompanies me through my good days and my bad days. I miss my dad.

It's Holy Week...that week in the Christian tradition when we remember Jesus' death and resurrection. And of course that message is not lost on me. Our God is always bringing new life out of death, and there is new life all around. I'm grateful for it. But trudging through the crucifixion this year, I know so much more about death and loss and heartache. It's good to know that God's been there too.

Please send out a prayer for my family tomorrow...