The Hendler-Voss Dispatch

He's FIVE

2012-01-28T07:24:00.001-08:00

Myles is FIVE! His birthday was on Wednesday, and the celebration began last weekend when Seth's family came into town for Myles' birthday party. He had another pool party at the YWCA, and we had a blast. Then he had another party at school on his actual birthday and, because he had requested "barbecue" as his birthday meal, we went out to Luella's (mama doesn't make barbecue).

Last week I accomplished the following: swept, vacuumed, or mopped every room in the house, cleaned the bathrooms, dusted the furniture, changed the sheets, ran the Hot Chocolate 10k in the rain (thanks for hooking me up Colleen!), baked a birthday cake and birthday cupcakes, wrote a sermon, and hosted Seth's family. It was a little overwhelming, but I just kept breathing through it and trying to enjoy each moment. Myles ran his first race, the Marshmallow dash, along with Seth (it was quite informal), and Seth placed 9th in the 10k with a time of 36 minutes and something seconds. He then came back and ran the last mile with me, in the rain, holding my soggy clothes. How great is that?

Last Friday night we had a service project/pizza party at church, cutting fabric for shoes. A local organization called Sole Hope provided us with a video about children in Uganda and Zambia who are getting preventible, painful parasites in their feet for lack of shoes. Sole Hope encourages groups like ours to provide and cut fabric for shoes (they sent us patterns), which are then sewn by widows/widowers in Africa as well as homeless folks here in WNC to offer them a source of income. Sole Hope then buys the shoes from the shoe-makers and puts them on the feet of Ugandan and Zambian children to prevent these parasites. It was a fun, moving night. The photo of Seth above includes sweet Miles, not our Myles, but another 5 year old red-headed Miles from church...isn't he precious? They are tracing and cutting fabric. The kids also painted the fabric before we cut it. It's a fabulous project that I would recommend to anyone looking for a good service project. By the end of the night, we could empathize with all those laborers who do cutting/sewing work--one table was ready to unionize!

Myles always has a blast with Seth's family. He has a special relationship with Grandpa Hendler, which means a lot to me (and my mom) since losing my dad. They love to cook, laugh, play, and read books together. Mostly, Myles just wants to be next to him. Seth's brothers came all the way from Richmond, VA to be with us, and Myles loved every minute of it.

On Tuesday, Seth and I took a few hours to tour three of the local elementary schools nearest us. We have a magnet system for the Asheville city public schools, which means they try to honor parent choice in which school you would like your child to attend. While they all follow the same curriculum, each school has a magnet theme: experiential education, arts & humanities, global scholars, etc. Our first choice for Myles will be Isaac Dickson which is closest to our house. Myles' god-sisters, Claire and Lydia, both attend this school and have had a wonderful experience there. Their focus is experiential, hands-on education, and so they have outdoor gardens and a pizza oven, an outdoor classroom, animals in almost every room, a kitchen for cooking, and they go on lots of field trips. The philosophy is rooted in the Foxfire approach which is a particularly Appalachian approach based on progressive educational principles from folks like John Dewey. We think that with all of Myles' bodily energy, he will do well in an experiential classroom. On the other hand, as so many parents have told us, it all comes down to the teacher, and there will be excellent teachers and not-so-excellent teachers at any school. We submit Myles' application in a few weeks and will hear back in the spring about whether we will get our first choice. Some of Myles' friends from church and preschool will be entering kindergarten at Isaac Dickson as well, so he will hopefully have someone he knows in his classroom. One thing I love about Dickson is that all teachers do home visits for every child in their class. What a treat!

Tomorrow, Seth will head to WV for a parks/rec operations manager training for five days. Hopefully my mom will come for a few days in there to give us some company and, as irritated as I get with Juniper's antics, I probably will sleep with her while Seth is gone since I have such a hard time sleeping alone, and Myles is all elbows and knees these days.

Mylestones: Myles is learning to swim! He's almost got it down, his last class for this round is next week, and Seth reports he's pretty amazing. Myles has also gotten good at making his bed.

Myles Says: Probably the coolest thing that Myles said lately was his made-up story of how Herod became good. One Sunday we told the story of baby Jesus leaving Egypt with his family b/c King Herod was out to get them (he had also read this book in the family story Bible). He asked me later that day if Herod was a bad man. I said yes, and we talked about why. About an hour later he came back to me and said, "Wanna hear the story of how Herod became good?" "Yes!" He continued, "Well, first a bad guy went to see King Herod dressed up as a scarecrow. King Herod was so scared that he ran away to another planet. On that planet, a small friendly alien put King Herod in a room and closed the door. The alien told King Herod jokes until Herod laughed so much that he turned good. King Herod then came back home and brought food to Mother Mary and baby Jesus, since they didn't have any food. And from that time on, he was good." The first thing that cracked me up about this is that it includes elements from books we had recently checked out from the library and also the food thing was related to the fact that we had "Share the Feast Sunday" that week when we bring canned food for our local food bank. I love how he synthesizes things! When I posted this on fb, a friend observed that Myles has some really good theology: fear propels Herod into wilderness/exile where he experiences love through laughter, then repentance/turning, then works of gratitude. The pastor-mama is happy. Myles also loves to get into a back-and-forth about whether I love him more or vice versa. On this particular day, he told me he loved me more than I loved him and I said, "Impossible!" He said, "Mama, 'impossible' is not a nice word." True that! Out of the mouths of babes.

Well, that's enough for now. Trying to update more frequently, just a little. Love to all yall!

A New Tradition

2012-01-01T13:24:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzYhX0i2jvI

A big Happy Birthday shout out to my mom, and a Happy New Year to all the rest!

Above is a new family tradition (I hope): a Myles video. We can't quite figure out how to save from Seth's new savvy phone to the computer, but Seth did make a you tube video out of it, so click on the link above and enjoy.

Love to all from the H-V home...

The Blessing of Joy

2011-12-13T14:10:00.000-08:00

It's a crazy-busy season, but also a good time to pause, reflect, and give thanks for our circle of family and friends. Last weekend we traveled to my mom's for our Christmas celebration with her. Since I last wrote, my sister's family has left Abingdon and moved back out West, which feels very far away. As we were enjoying last weekend with my mom, I saw the scrapbook that my sister made for her last year, full of the memories and stories she collected from friends and family about my dad. It's one of the best gifts I can imagine. I read the whole thing again, cover to cover, and it was good to be reminded of the essence of who my dad was...someone who loved his wife and rarely missed the opportunity to compliment her or tell someone else about how great she was...someone who was upbeat, who believed being a "morning person" is a choice, who genuinely enjoyed getting to know others...someone who was a source of empowerment and inspiration for his staff, infusing them with confidence to try new things and continually learn...a person of a deep and abiding faith. Remembering these things about my dad is always an inspiration to me to be more like him. And for all those who might be struggling with grief, loss, illness, or depression this holiday season, here's a poem for you.

Blessing to Summon Rejoicing by Jan Richardson

When your weeping
has watered
the earth.

When the storm
has been long
and the night
and the season
of your sorrowing.

When you have seemed
an exile
from your life
lost in the far country
a long way from where
your comfort lies.

When the sound
of splintering
and fracture
haunts you.

When despair
attends you.

When lack.
When trouble.
When fear.
When pain.

When empty.
When lonely.
When too much
of what depletes you
and not enough
of what restores
and rests you.

Then let there be
rejoicing.

Then let there be
dreaming.

Let there be
laughter in your mouth
and on your tongue
shouts of joy.

Let the seeds
soaked by tears
turn to grain,
to bread,
to feasting.

Let there be
coming home.

Fall in the Mountains

2011-09-25T17:33:00.000-07:00

We've had a break down in our family system of taking, saving, and storing photos of Myles...so probably most of the photos I post in the near future will come from our church photo-sharing. So here's Myles at Peace Camp last month, in music. Is he beautiful or what?

Mylestones: Since I last wrote, Myles has started his new preschool class. We absolutely love his new teacher! She bikes 200 miles/week (and has adult children, I don't know exactly how old she is) and has the energy to prove it. She's extroverted and fun, and I never have to worry whether Myles is being expected to sit still too much in class, because she doesn't sit still for long herself.

Myles also began soccer. He practices for a half hour on Mondays and games are held most Saturdays. This is his first time participating in an organized sport. We hope soccer will teach him to work as a member of a team not to mention serve as a good outlet for all his energy. 3 of his good buddies are on his team, and although he sat out the first game with a rare case of shyness, I think overall he's having fun and learning a lot. One boy on his team--who happens to be the shortest of all the players--scored nearly every goal this Saturday. He runs like a juggernaut down the field with the foot-eye coordination of a podiatrist and slide kicks the ball into the goal. It is amazing to see the wide spectrum of coordination between all the kids and how evident it appears. During the second practice of the season the coach had the team scrimmage. He gathered the kids into a group at center field and explained that the idea was to get the ball into the goal. He then unleashed them into chaos. Team one started with the ball and drove it past team two who stood frozen in center field while the other team went on to score a goal. The coach quickly gathered the kids together and said, "I forgot to tell you another important thing called defense."

When left to his own devices in the backyard, he can be found digging holes, filling them with water, and making full body mud masks for all his super-hero and playmobil figures. He also fancies submerging various toys in full cups of water and leaving them around the kitchen for mom and dad to find. Last week he made a home for a new caterpillar friend using a card board box full of driveway gravel and mulch from the plant beds. Of course the project took up all 20' of the front porch, which is so emblematic of wonderful son: The footprint of Myles personality and physical presence is five time as large as he is.

Tonight Seth helped Myles build a fort in his bedroom while I was at a church event. They draped sheets between the bed and dresser. Actually, it was more like a lair than a full fledged fort. They army crawled inside with a dozen books and read together until I got home.

Smokin' Seth: In a dramatic, long-awaited victory, Seth's Blue Ridge Relay team not only placed first this year (narrowly beating a Charlotte team by just minutes in a 208 mile race), they set the new record for the relay, running 5:53 minute-miles on average. Seth ran 17 miles total, in three legs, and his final leg gave his team the first lead of the race. The next weekend he agreed to be a pace-leader for the Asheville half marathon (pace 1:30), but forgot to pick up his jersey ahead of time, arrived to find his sign was missing and so didn't gather too much of a crowd for whom to set the pace. Maybe next time he should just race? Next big race: the 17 mile shut-in through the mountains of Pisgah forest, a trail race with 5,000 feet of climb. I'm sure it will be a blast.

All is well in the land of the sky, as fall descends we are enjoying cool breezes, falling leaves and the colors of the season. Hope all is well in your neck of the woods.

August Scramble

2011-08-14T17:49:00.000-07:00

Life has been busy since my last entry. My mom came to Asheville for the weekend preceding my dad's birthday and we took the opportunity to do a balloon release with Myles in memory of my dad. Then we went to his favorite ice cream shop in Asheville, Ultimate, and Seth ordered rum raisin ice cream which was my dad's favorite. It was good to be together and remember him and tell Myles about him. It's still heart-breaking that Myles won't get the chance to know my dad in person, but it does make me take seriously the fact that most of what he learns about my dad will come from me.

Last week, we had "peace camp" at church...kind of like a vacation bible school. It was our second year (last year's theme was caring for God's creation), and a testament to our growth was visible in the many adult volunteers we had. Last year, I came home after the first day with a huge headache, totally exhausted and thinking "That didn't work so well...we need to re-think this." We did, and this year, it was more organized, more people-powered, and every bit as sweet as last year. I got to tell some Bible stories, we did a foot-washing, we had communion, and Seth volunteered for one morning to lead the kids in some games. We had about 40 kids in all. On the last day, we ended our closing circle with a blessing where each person in the circle gets a turn to bless the person next to them by tracing the sign of the cross on their forehead and saying, "May you go in peace." There is nothing like being blessed in this way by a 3 or 4 year old. Surprisingly, they became very quiet as we passed this blessing around the circle, and each child seemed to take their role in blessing another with the utmost seriousness...there is so much power in the act of blessing when it's performed by a child. We are learning that at our church.

The week was topped off with our annual church-wide camping trip and worship in the woods. We (finally) got a new tent and a sleeping bag for Myles, but after a rainy night in the tent, Seth said it ranked up there in the top three nights of worst sleep. Next time, we're getting a blow-up mattress he says. Myles, on the other hand, had a blast. He played in the stream, loved being outside, and asked every half hour, "Is it time to roast marshmallows yet?" I enjoyed just chillin with folks, and also the rhodedendrons in Montreat, b/c nothing says Appalachian Mountains like those beautiful, waxy leaves.

Tomorrow night I go on a co-pastors retreat for a day and a half up in Swain county. I think it will be beautiful, and I'm looking forward to the chance to give some time and thoughtfulness to my collegial relationship as we prepare for another year ahead.

What else? Seth is running races with amazing times. He's the fastest he's been since college. What he's most excited about is the Blue Ridge Relay next month, a highlight of the year for him. He put in a 50 mile week this week. He has such a gift, and I'm so happy seeing him in such great shape.

Myles is into so many new things...drawing, taking imaginative play to new levels, learning about some sports like baseball, signed up for soccer this fall, and of course still about the most open-hearted boy. I am always amazed when I ask him what he's grateful for before bed (and who we should pray for) what his responses are...he really thinks about people and cares about them, and is always thinking up "good ideas" about how we can show that we care. He starts his new preschool class (same school, new teacher) next week.

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to share during a time with children (in church) the story of Sebastian, my friend Kara's son who lives with cerebral palsy. I have learned so much from Kara and Seb over the years, and it was such a gift to be able to share with the kids at church what he likes and loves to do, the things he needs extra help with, and mostly how we are all children of God. Thank you Kara, for letting me share Seb with so many children! They were so interested to hear his story and see photos of him. You two are great teachers to so many.

Last week, our friend Ben had surgery to remove cancer. He seems way too young for this, but I'm learning more and more how cancer is popping up in too many young people. Anyhow, we give thanks that his surgery went well and he is now in recovery. He has been so brave and calm, with a peaceful heart, throughout it all. We've been reminded of how thankful we are for his friendship and Heather's too.

I guess that's the news from Asheville. Thanks for tuning in.

Chiggers, Shiners, and Bee Stings

2011-07-05T17:37:00.000-07:00

The day after we got back from Virginia beach, a bunch of little dots that had been on Myles' torso broke out into full-fledged chigger bites. Itchy, red, angry bites covered his torso, in addition to other areas...one night he woke up 6 times before 2am. We slathered him in lotions and potions, my favorite being one that I made from coconut oil, olive oil, and strained garlic. A little stinky, but effective. On Wednesday, I flew to Tampa with my co-pastor Sara for the United Church of Christ's General Synod (our national gathering, which happens every other year). See if you can find me in this flash mob video.
(hint: I'm wearing a green shirt and dancing behind the palm tree on the left)
The whole thing was dreamed up by another pastor in her 30's, and the piece was choreographed by a 14 year old named Ebony, who is dancing front and center with the blue shirt (clearly, she's the best dancer out of all of us!). The most awesome thing about a flash mob is that everyone loves it. They pull out their phones and video tape it, they smile, laugh, and clap, and here we are...a strange mix of people of different ages, races, and dancing abilities from all over the country, shaking it for Jesus. I do love the UCC. We also had the chance to hear Nuttin' but Stringz perform...two brothers, ages 23 and 25 who grew up to a single mom in Queens, who began playing violin at the age of 8 and were accepted into Julliard at age 10. They are phenomenal musicians, and their style of violin is unlike anything I've ever heard. I need to get an album. Anyhow, here's a link from Synod, it's worth watching.

When I left, Myles' chiggers were pretty bad. But when I arrived home, he also had a bee sting, a cat bite, a skin rash (not chiggers, something else) and a black eye. Hmm. Maybe I shouldn't go away for so long again. To Seth's credit, he was his usual, amazing self while I was away, taking Myles swimming, to play dates, to a 4th of July party/cook out, biking, playing, and much more. They never rest while I'm away. Unfortunately, Myles was jumping on the trampoline with a friend and the zip up netting-door did not get closed, and he bounced right out, hence the black eye. He got the cat bite for not following instructions to leave a cat alone who didn't want to be bothered by Myles...that's one we need to work on. We have no idea where the rash came from. I felt a little funny dropping him off at preschool today looking like he did.

Anyhow, after all that, Seth also managed to run a race on the 4th of July, a 5k in which he trounced the field, smoked the competition and ran splits of 5:09, 5:20, and 5:20 respectively. He also managed to look calm and alluringly handsome in the above photo which I copied from the Asheville citizen-times website. Who is this superstar to whom I'm married?

Getting into the car, he was buckling Myles in when he placed his first place award on top of the car and promptly forgot about it. He drove away and only when he got home did he realize it was missing. So he went back and found it along I-26, looking like it had taken a hard tumble. Too funny!

We measured Myles yesterday to discover that he's grown 3/4 of an inch in the last month. He's going through a very sweet stage in which one of his favorite things to do is compliment the dinner I made. He says things like, "Mama? Will you make this again and again and again and again and again?" He knows it melts my heart. The night before I left for my big trip he said, "Mama, this is the BEST dinner I've ever had." "Wow," I said, "Thank you. It feels so good to hear you say that." He responded, "Do you know why I said that? Because, Mama, I want you to remember this dinner when you go away on your trip." While I was away and we talked on the phone he said, "Are you with a lot of pastors?" I told him I was. He ended the phone call by saying, "Have fun with all those pastors!" And I did.

Sweet Virginia Vacation

2011-06-27T18:52:00.000-07:00

Ahh, the beach. Seems like everyone in the world should go to the ocean once a year. It's good for the soul, and not too bad on the feet either. Ours was a long time in coming...last year we had plans to go and canceled at the last minute when our car broke down and needed an expensive repair. This year, everything lined up. My sister and brother in law found some rustic cabins in First Landing State Park, Virginia Beach. There were about 18 miles of hiking/biking/running trails throughout the park. Seth called it a runner's paradise. (Yes, except for those mornings when it felt like 85 degrees by 7:30am. Nothing like working up a good sweat!) We were a hop, skip, and a jump from the Chesapeake Bay with its calmer waves and a short drive from the Atlantic shore, including a busy boardwalk. It seemed like we got the best of all worlds. We even found a farmer's market and Trader Joe's to do our grocery shopping for the week! Anyhow, my sister's family stayed in one cabin, and we stayed in the other with my mom (God bless her...one bathroom for all of us, and she shared a room with Myles). We spent a full week there, hitting the beach almost every day, taking ample time to run, bike, and hike, walking the board walk at night, cooking tasty meals that almost always included a happy hour (courtesy of Seth). The photo of Finn is the kids' version...virgin coladas. Seth and I had a date night and ate at a local tapas restaurant just across the street from the beach. The food was outstanding. We saw dolphins, both while on a boat tour with the kids and from the shore of the Atlantic, when they were close enough to Seth and Brian for them to swim out to meet them.

Myles is leaping and bounding ahead these days. He has a voracious appetite for reading, and will sit alone with books for long periods, "reading" to himself or to others. He and cousin Kaleb learned to jump waves in the ocean, and on the last day, Myles started trying to surf using this cheap yellow foam board we got for him. He climbed up to the top of a light house with us, and really enjoyed just about every minute of this vacation, especially being with cousin Kaleb and Grandma. Grandma taught him some card games like "swwaap the Jack," and he couldn't get enough.

It's amazing what vacation can do. We came back more centered, grateful, and connected. On Father's Day I ran on the beach in memory of my dad, so thankful for this legacy of running that he handed off to me. In some ways, his absence was the hardest thing about the trip, but in other ways he was right there, laughing with that beautiful smile of his, marveling at what these grandsons of his can do, enjoying a good cup of coffee in the morning, the simple things. If I open my heart up wide enough, he's always there.

Myles the Gymnast

2011-06-02T19:36:00.000-07:00

Dear restless natives, here is installment number 1 of Myles' gymnastics performance his last week of preschool (last week). He is now at home with me for two weeks, and we are traveling (virtually) all over the world with a wonderful world map and an art/activities book that someone had the foresight to gift us with before Myles was born. Today we visited Japan and Korea and made a Japanese doll (Myles drew his first face!) and a Korean drum. I'm hoping to take him to enjoy some french crepes before our jaunt comes to a close...

He really is in this precious, inquisitive stage that feels very different from where he was six months ago. He's like a sponge (he overheard Seth say this to me at dinner and piped up with, "I'm not a sponge!"), taking it all in and just loving the world. This week he learned how to hit a nerf baseball. He also baked cookies with Seth and wanted to deliver every last one to every last neighbor on our street. The girls next door weren't home until after he went to bed, so he woke up at 7am, sprung out of bed and said, "Let's take cookies to the girls!" Needless to say, they did get some cookies on their way to school.

Last weekend, Seth's brother Greg visited us with his wife Megan and their 7 month old Molly. Myles was very interested in baby Molly, and quite pleased when he could make her smile or laugh. He also had a hard time sharing the spotlight. We took Molly for her first trip to the pool, and I had to practice deep breathing as Myles never seems to want to wear those swimmy things on his arms but would rather just hang on to a floating noodle. We loved their visit!

I'm bone tired and want to run tomorrow morning, so I'm going to sign off and leave you with this video. As you can see, Myles' instructor takes preschool gymnastics very seriously, and Myles became a bit silly with all the attention directed at him for this performance. He loved it.

In Appreciation of Seth

2011-05-04T17:40:00.000-07:00

...Who every year seems to grow wiser and more good lookin....whose mad running skills never cease to amaze me...who won two awards in his workplace this year because he's so wonderful to work with...who taught our child to ride a bike when I was too petrified...who makes coffee, greets newcomers, and cleans up at church more often than I like to admit...who never met a person he couldn't befriend...who cares for the vulnerable...who shares the ups and downs of life with me...

To Seth, who is 33 today.

Happy Birthday!

Big Boy Bike; Big Boy Bed

2011-04-09T09:25:00.000-07:00

Finally, the action shot! This was two weekends ago, Myles' first foray into bike-riding on his new big boy bike. Is Seth a fabulous father or what? Check out that form!

The other two photos are just for fun; Myles got one of his automatic trucks stuck in his hair and was none too pleased with himself. I managed to untangle it without ripping or cutting. Do read that warning label on the bottom of the truck if you can. Never noticed it before...

This week Myles' new bed came. You may know that Seth and I had a long and vociferous debate going about what type of bed Myles should have. We were agreed on the size (twin); I wanted something organic/latex. Seth wanted something inexpensive and dipped in flame retardant...it's a good thing he never reads this blog, right? No illusions that I'm unbiased here. He finally gave in, but neither of us felt good about it, and then I managed to find a much more affordable, mostly organic cotton/wool/bamboo (not dipped in flame retardant) mattress. Hooray! So we made the purchase with our tax refund and it arrived this week. Myles loves it. And now he has a bed that fits.

The budget debate this week has been grueling. As a former WAND employee, I am well informed on how much we spend on the Pentagon and war, how much we spend on entitlements like social security and medicare, and how little the discretionary pie is. So when the argument of fiscal responsibility cuts out 2/3rds of the budget and focuses on this small pie, it's frustrating. When I hear elected officials proposing to cut funding for programs that help the poor, the sick, and the unemployed, I find it infuriating. Call me a bleeding heart liberal (it won't be the first time) or a Jesus freak, I believe in a society in which we care for the most vulnerable. There are a group of clergy in Asheville who will be fasting on Good Friday in an effort generated by Bread for the World, fasting for a moral budget that cares for the poor (as you probably know, this was just round one of the budget debates, we still have the coming fiscal year and raising the debt ceiling to fight about). I'm glad an agreement was reached at the last minute, it would have been a disaster to shut down the government.

Well, that's it for now. Hope spring is springing forth wherever you are in this big wide world.

Helpless on Gray Street

2011-04-04T17:57:00.000-07:00

Today was a humbling reminder, on two fronts, of how painful life would be without Seth. First, I seriously just learned how to upload photos to our computer when I switched to full time computer life on my lap top. Seth has given me elaborate, detailed instructions about how to upload to the lap top and I burst out laughing in the middle every time. There are like 20 steps. How does he think I'm going to be able to do this by myself? So here I am, really wanting to post the most awesome photo of Myles riding his bike, but I can't do it because I'm technologically challenged and my spouse is not at home (he's got class tonight, followed by watching a game at a friends' house. It pays to have friends with tv). So instead, I'm posting this one and hoping our compassionate readers will be satisfied (well, one in particular...she knows who she is).

Second: Myles really can ride that bike. It's unbelievable. We took him to Weaver Park on Sunday and he rode around and around the loop that circles the ball field and he can go for like 5 minutes on his own. He needs help with the starting, and the stopping is still the trusty shoe-scrape brakes method, but his balance, his pedaling, his zen-like calm are all right there. I said to Seth, if four years of crazy amounts of energy that make us want to pull our hair out (or sometimes he just pulls our hair out for us) results in a lifetime of activity, it's so worth it. Myles struggles to be still, to stay clean, to eat without dropping something, but when it comes to movement, he can do it. And I have to say, there's really nothing quite like that parental feeling of pride. From their first smile onward, every milestone is nothing short of a miracle. Forgive me for saying that I can't imagine going through life without experiencing this kind of pride. It's totally different than being proud of your partner or your sister or your mom. It's hard to put into words, but really amazing to experience.

So today Myles really wanted to ride. I think at first he didn't get it that he accomplished this big thing, but now he's realizing this is a significant milestone. So he wanted to ride. Seth was dropping us off in the Montford community center parking lot, a safe place for biking in the middle of the day, and I just couldn't get it together to help him ride. It's the same reason I can't take him in the ocean. I'm petrified of him getting hurt, I can't control his energy (he's all over the place) and so I feel incapable of keeping him safe. I tried to be the good parent who pushes the bike and lets go, but I couldn't let go. Myles was becoming frustrated. But I just couldn't let go; that's Seth's thing. I like watching from a distance so I can cover my eyes if it gets too scary and trust in Seth's ability to keep up with this child of ours. I can't keep up any more. What would I do without Seth's infinite patience and willingness to be the parent who goes where our child wants to go?

Tonight I watched the preview of a film called "Including Samuel" about the most beautiful boy with cerebral palsy. My friend Kara posted a link to the film's website on her blog. And so when I write about Myles' overactive energy level, I sometimes feel a little guilty, remembering that there are parents who would give anything for their kid to stomp into the house in sand-covered shoes on the freshly vacuumed floor. But I know deep down that the accomplishments of children with disabilities probably instill their parents with an even deeper, more satisfying sense of pride. How amazing must that first smile be if you never knew if it would come? Imagine the incredible satisfaction of seeing your child make friends at school when they are not yet able to talk? I can only imagine.

Myles Says: Yesterday, when wearing shorts for the first time this year: "I've got short-sleeve pants on!" Tonight, when asked who he wanted to pray for: "A million people all over the world."

Four is growing on me.

Leprechaun Trapping

2011-03-22T18:53:00.001-07:00

St. Patrick's day began with an NPR story on St. Patrick's Day as I was driving Seth to work and Myles to preschool. Luckily, I happened to dress Myles in green. Seth, however, wasn't wearing any green and so we teased him about getting pinched at work. In the end, Myles loaned him a green silly band so he could ward off anyone itching to pinch. When I dropped Myles off at preschool, his teacher called all of the kids into the bathroom. Sure enough, there was green food coloring in the toilet and the kids immediately looked at each other, wide-eyed, and whispered "leprechaun pee!" The conspiracy was on. Throughout the day, the kids would return to class to find messes the leprechaun made. Myles returned home vigilantly scoping our property for any leprechaun activity...he reported that they would giggle and also squeak, and I was repeatedly hushed so we could listen. I knew Seth would be much better at this whole leprechaun thing than I was, so I warned him on the phone that we were looking for leprechauns all day. When he got home, true to Seth-form, he concocted the idea of the leprechaun trap (see above). It requires these simple, easy-to-find household items: 1. a baby bathtub (recently returned to us from the Schaffer household) 2. a plastic cauldron (leftover from Halloween, but really any bucket will do) 3. sticks 4. string...and here's what you do. Put the cauldron under the baby tub, and prop the tub up on the two sticks. Tie your string to the sticks (note: it must be long enough for you to hide around the corner of the house), and then run around the nearest corner of the house, and hold the string. If you hear giggling and squeaking, pull! In this fashion, Seth and Myles were able to capture some gold coins (some of which looked mysteriously like racing medals, but never mind).

As if all that trapping wasn't enough, I came downstairs the following morning to find the tiniest leprechaun foot prints dotting the floor, leading to the plastic cauldron, and in the cauldron, we found a metal hat and shoe (kinda reminiscent of what you'd find in a Monopoly set). Myles was so energized by this finding! We also found some crumpled up clovers. Who knew the leprechaun is every bit as exciting as Santa, and he doesn't even have to bring presents? It was a magical day in our household, and it took some doing to explain why St. Patty's day comes only once a year.

Myles Says: "I'm exhausted!" has become a new favorite phrase before bed. Typing it doesn't do it justice...these words are uttered with the drama and conviction of a four year old.

I've confirmed this week that my body's just not the same as it used to be on the trampoline. I did a somersault (not in the air!) using my arms, and I was so dizzy I thought I might pass out. When did this happen to me? I think it's payback for the time I convinced my mom to go on the wooden roller coaster at Cedar Pointe and she almost fainted. I am, however, teaching Myles all about tuck jumps, pike jumps, straddle jumps, and other important things.

A good friend loaned me a book that is really an eye-opener for me. It's called "Raising Cain," which means I'm reading two parenting books, one called "Raising Cain" and the other called "Raising Happiness." Yes, parenting leads to a divided mind. Anyhow, I'll post a few quotes from Raising Cain at some point, but the premise is this: boys develop at a different (usually slower) rate than girls when it comes to fine motor skills, verbal skills, and social skills. Elementary schools are usually geared toward the developmental pace and behavioral norms of girls. Boys, when they cannot meet these expectations, are regularly scolded, shamed, lectured, and often come away feeling like they are failing. I've noticed I do this at home with Myles. The kid is clumsy, there's no way around it. Now he has some mad gross motor skills, and he can actually be quite nimble as he's running, climbing, balancing, etc. But when it comes to holding onto his silverware, not spilling things, etc, he's what you'd call a "messy" kid. This is hard for me, as I was nicknamed "Messy Mandy" in my family, and I never forgot that I was always the one who wasn't as together as I should have been. To this day, I have a hard time having people over to my house because I feel like I can never get it clean enough. At any rate, I notice that when Myles spills things on accident or drops things (now sometimes he's being silly and there's a reason he dropped it, but I'm not talking about those times), I sigh, I lecture, I get irritable, I carry on. I wonder aloud when he'll finally be old enough to quit being so messy. And this book is really opening my eyes to the effect this subtle shaming might have on Myles. While I'm hoping to lure him to try harder to be clean, what if I'm just reinforcing a negative image he has of himself as messy? And then, each time he spills, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy until he quits trying, because he'll never be clean enough. Now, I'm taking this one example to an extreme, but this is what our boys face in some situations. We tire of accepting their boundless energy. We become agitated at their exuberance. We are constantly hushing and correcting and nagging. Yesterday, Myles spilled a big jar of water. I took a deep breath and instead of yelling or sighing, I just said, "Well, it's a good thing that you know how to clean up. Go get the rags." And we cleaned it up together. He left the incident feeling like he's good at cleaning up messes, perhaps a little more empowered to clean up the next one, because...rest assured...there will be another one tomorrow. Thanks for the book, Mama-D...I'm a slow learner when it comes to boys, but I'm getting there.

Sky's the Limit

2011-03-15T16:46:00.000-07:00

Here's Myles with one of his next door neighbor friends jumping on the new trampoline we just put up in our backyard. We were going to go the swingset route when a friend reminded us of the benefits of a trampoline: he will use it until he's much older, and he's likely to expend more energy jumping on it, plus it's adult-friendly. Cheaper than what we had planned to spend on a swing set too! As Myles is dipping his toes into the world of "no naps" (he takes one every other day at this point), he's in need of a way to expend his energy in the afternoons, and the trampoline is so good for him.

Mylestones: Myles has been showing more of an interest in coloring and writing his letters. As far as we can tell, he's ahead of his age group in gross motor skills and behind in fine motor skills, so we're intentionally setting aside time to work on fine motor skills (without the pressure to do or make anything in particular, just spending time with him drawing, writing, and coloring on a regular basis). Last week we had the 4 year old wellness visit to Dr. Meredith. Since it was raining, he had on big ole boots that we took off for the weighing and measuring, and found out he hasn't gained a pound since he was there when he cut his finger months ago...he's 75% for height and weight. Sounds about right. He eats well, but he needs to eat well to keep up with the amount of energy he expends both through his body and his mouth (singing, talking, shouting) every day. It seems like he's doing lots of new little things, like building things out of blocks that he never used to be able to do. Today after listening to some classical music in the car on the way to preschool (it comes on npr after the news) he said, "I love that song," and went on to tell me a whole story he made up about it that included cows and people running.

Myles Says: "I'm the best cleaner-upper you can ever believe." (After getting a warning from me about dumping out a basket of toys.) We've also recently had some intensive bed time conversations about the death of a friend's grandmother, what happens after death and when we get to see people who died again. It's amazing what a four year old wants to talk about.

Last weekend we went to Wallabies in Johnson City to celebrate Myles' cousin Kaleb's 6th Birthday. We had a blast! Myles loves spending time with his cousins, and I do too.

On a final note, Go Bulldogs! UNCA men's basketball advances to play Pittsburgh on Thursday night. Though I know nothing about this kind of thing, Seth is keeping me informed and we've been watching online, which keeps us on the edge of our seats as the computer freezes up right at critical points in the game...

Back from the Big City

2011-02-22T18:13:00.000-08:00

Just had to share this beautiful photo of Myles. It was taken on Sunday at church when we blessed the land that will become our community garden. The kids dipped fingers in water and sprinkled it around, along with seeds and soil.

On Friday and Saturday we were in Atlanta so I could attend the "This Far By Faith" conference of the Black Church and Domestic Violence Institute. Over the years, I have been blessed with deepening friendships with some of the women who attend this conference; they are truly some of the most intelligent, beautiful, courageous and compassionate women I know. The conference was brilliant, a rich retreat for me to be inspired by all that these women are doing to work for peace in their communities, churches, and selves. In the words of Ben Harper, "I am blessed to be a witness."

While I was at the conference, Seth and Myles were busy at the zoo and having fun with old friends who hosted us at their beautiful home. The temperature, by the way, managed to hit 80 degrees! It was gorgeous.

Mylestones: Naps are on the wane. Today Myles made me his first ever spontaneous, self-led art project...he ripped pieces of black construction paper and pasted them on another piece of black construction paper, and it was quite beautiful in this mama's opinion. Cleaned it up all by himself as well. When I asked what it was, he said "an erection dinosaur." Hmm.

The State of Our Union is...4!

2011-02-13T17:31:00.000-08:00

The natives are restless...so desperate for a blog update that they've taken to texting (you know who you are!!). Life has felt busy enough that I can't even seem to make phone calls to good friends. I get my child to bed and both Seth and I are exhausted. How did we turn into our parents overnight? (My mom reminds me how I used to make fun of her and my dad when they were ready for bed at 9:30 or 10pm).

So, as you might be able to tell from above, Myles celebrated his fourth birthday a few weeks ago. We had a big pool party at the YWCA, followed by snacks and cupcakes. The best part for Myles might have been the fact that his cousins stayed the night. The making of the birthday crown has become a tradition; and I do think Seth could make a side career out of it. Actually, I'm hoping he makes a Valentine crown for me tomorrow...but I'm not holding my breath since he has class.

All is well with the church. At the end of January, we hit a new record, 75 people in worship on a regular (non-holiday) Sunday. We are growing! We look much smaller, since a good 25 of those people are babies, toddlers and young children. I am so incredibly thankful that we seem to be over the hump of last year's "winter of our discontent" when anxiety would wash over me that only a dozen folks might show up for worship. We have a critical mass, an active, thriving community, and we are on the road to sustainability, thanks be to God! It's a total miracle, and I often feel like I'm just along for the ride. I love what I do.

We have been encouraged by what's happening in the Middle East right now. It's amazing when dictators are toppled by non-violent direct action, without guns or bombs. I saw a beautiful photograph last week of Egyptian Christians holding hands in a ring around Egyptian Muslims bowing down for prayer time. The caption read, "Christians protect praying Muslims during protest." What a testimony to the world!

Myles Says: The other night, when asked who he wanted to pray for before bed, Myles replied, "Jill." When I asked who Jill was, he said, "You know Jack and Jill went up the hill? I want to pray for that Jill." So we did. I also overheard this over the weekend, "Papi, you're stinky, but I still love you!" Is that devotion or what? Tonight he told me I can be his Valentine all night. Sounds pretty good to me; he's still got those sweet chubby cheeks, even though the rest of him has melted into a body that is 100% Seth junior.

Mylestones: We are slowly transitioning into a no-naps time. He now has one or two days a week without the nap, going to bed early instead. We just built a privacy fence and hope to add a swingset to our backyard so that he can go out and play in the afternoons when it's warm...and it is finally starting to warm up! Myles is now taking a gymnastics class in school that he loves, and he's just started writing his name (kinda behind the curve on fine-motor skills, but that's okay!). He's still at his happiest when he's creating a play scene with his action figures...we overhear many a fight and rescue scene, but a lot of kindness and compassion too. We've recently begun to be very consistent with consequences, because Myles sometimes has a hard time being a good listener, following directions, or controlling is emotions (don't we all?). I think it's been good for Seth and I to feel like we have non-violent ways of handling what can be very challenging situations. We're not perfect, Myles is not perfect, but he's so full of life, energy, and joy that we are constantly reminded of how blessed we are.

Seth is taking a class on budgets this semester in his master's of public affairs program. Turns out, he's a budget geek! (i.e. he actually likes it). He's also discovered his latent love for presidential non-fiction, which runs in the Hendler family. He's reading a book on John Adams. I'm falling in love with him all over again. Our running has been on again, off again with snow storms, minor injuries, and bitter weather...but we're both back on the wagon right now, and Seth is training for another relay this spring.

Much love to all of you; we miss you! It's hard to believe how the days fly by...

A White Christmas

2011-01-05T15:07:00.000-08:00

We had a magical, idyllic Christmas. On Christmas Eve we had 120 people at our church service, at the end we turned down the lights and everyone lit a candle to "Silent Night" and it was beautiful. We went out for dinner afterward, then when we got home Myles and Seth put out cookies for Santa. Myles went to the fridge, grabbed a full bag of celery (I forgot to get big carrots at the grocery) and plopped it onto our front porch for the reindeer. We gently suggested that we open the bag, take out a few stalks and cut them up.

On Christmas day, Myles tip-toed up the steps at 5:40am and reported "Santa came!" He proceeded to fall back asleep in our bed until 7:30; truly a Christmas miracle. We opened gifts from Santa, from his God-family, and from Nana and Grandpa. Just as soon as the gifts were open, cue the snow. And it snowed and snowed; bringing the world to a holy pause. We went sledding, Seth schooled me in Scrabble (more than once), and had some fancy ravioli for dinner. It was such a good Christmas!

Mylestones: Myles has learned to print "M." Hooray!

Myles Says: After hearing me repeat to Seth how my mom said that she likes Sooki (my brother's new dog) "100 times more" than Juniper, Myles said: "That's not nice to say to Juniper. Look at her mouth, she's sad." Yesterday, after hearing me tell Seth about the NPR report on hundreds of red-winged black birds (which always make me think of Michigan) that dropped dead in Arkansas, Myles looked out the window and saw a bird. "Look!" he said, "The birds came back from heaven!"

Myles' Christmas break from preschool also included going sledding with his cousins on Wolf ski slope, visiting his cousins at their house (and sharing in a piece of Brenna's birthday cheese cake from Wild Flour Cafe...yum!), having two play dates with friends, and a New Year's Eve party at the Burnets' house. It was such a wonderful break! He began asking last week to go back to preschool, and this week he's really enjoyed it (though the morning routine is still a bit tough to adjust to).

Seth is busy building a privacy fence and arbor. We've also heard that there will be a community garden down the street this year...including chickens!

I'm trying this year not to wish away winter...a really hard one. Seth's trying to eat less sugar. We're both experimenting with radical acceptance of the things that drive us nuts. Blessed be 2011!

Faces of Myles

2010-12-13T17:18:00.001-08:00

I think the talent search agents will come for him soon. We are now training him in creative story-telling and Christmas caroling. Will post results soon. Enjoy!

Two Peas in a Pod

2010-12-06T07:20:00.001-08:00

I'm finally catching you up on our October photographs that languished on our broken computer. Here they are! Too precious to pass up.

A few weeks ago we went to my mom's for Thanksgiving with my sister's family. Myles can't get enough of his older cousin Kaleb, and remarked to Seth, "Kaleb's the most important kid in my life right now." We celebrated his cousin Finn's third birthday too. Good food, crazy chaos, and a little sugar from baby Rhy made it a wonderful Thanksgiving. It's such a blessing to have my sister's family so close! And the boys all love being at Grandma's, where they get to ride the golf cart, play in her big driveway, and sometimes run around the golf course behind her house. Finn cried when they left, and no doubt all the boys will be happy to reunite this weekend when we will converge again to celebrate Christmas early.

We have decided to proceed with building a privacy fence. It's always been hard to have two outdoor dogs (now three since they had puppies) on one side and another outdoor dog on the other. We want Myles to be able to play outside without worrying that he will go near the dogs (who are sweet and friendly pit bulls on one side). I think my mom will breathe a huge sigh of relief once we have this up; she worries about those pit bulls all the time. They really are sweet and well behaved, but it will also be nice to go outside and not have all the barking. Seth has been really excited about this project, and is helping as much as he can. We hired our friend Spencer from church to do the job.

This season is absolutely magical with an almost four year old. Myles has been having some more fits recently...it's usually one step back before two steps forward. Despite this (and the good news is that Seth and I are getting better at handling the fits), he is totally into Advent and Christmas. This weekend we got our first real Christmas tree, a step up from the Charlie Brown tree we had last year. We decorated it with Uncle Jon's Christmas mix playing in the background and mugs of hot chocolate all around (which Juniper proceeded to drink out of...that dog is something else!). We also have an Advent calendar that challenges Myles' patience (just one each day) and an Advent wreath that we made here at home (orange candles were all we had) that we light at dinner, and a Christmas list that Myles has made with Seth. We're participating once again in our church's effort to encourage giving...Myles picked out a gently used toy to wrap, label, and put under the tree at church to go to a little boy at the Presbyterian Home for Children. He's learning songs for his performance at preschool and the first ever Christmas pageant at church (we'll see if he participates in that one, last week he refused to go to the rehearsal) and knows the story of Christmas. It's a season of wonder and awe for him, and it's a really beautiful thing to watch. This morning he has no school due to the snow (a dusting). He learned this morning that you can't sled on a dusting of snow...

Mylestones: Myles has really gotten into telling stories. I think he and Seth are two peas in a pod. I remember when I first met Seth and then again when we first started dating being a little intimidated by his animated gestures when he gets into what he's talking about (hands flying all over, long arms going everywhere). Perhaps it's the Brooklyn gene, talking with the hands. Whatever the case, Myles has inherited it (along with walking on his toes) and yesterday he was so intent on telling a story (it lasted over 20 minutes) that he couldn't eat his lunch and had to be reminded countless times to use his inside voice (we were in public). His hands were zipping all over, arms flying every which way as he told an exciting tale that included sharks, Santa, pirates, bad guys, and cars. It was an action packed plot with quick twists and turns, and included just about every character being swallowed by a fish or shark and then spit back out onto dry land (we learned the story of Jonah and the whale this fall and it made quite an impression). Myles has also turned over a new leaf with dancing. There's a video of him dancing to Neil Diamond that I promise to share soon...anyone who knows Seth knows that Myles the nut didn't fall far from the tree if he's dancing to Neil Diamond. At one point, Myles' dancing broke out into a gallop, and it reminded us of our wedding night, when Seth rode an imaginary horse around the dance floor a few too many times.

Myles Says: Almost every night Myles gets "VERY hungry" right before bed. We usually let him have some applesauce or yogurt. The other night he said, "Oh bover (bother), this applesauce is getting all over the place!" (He gets "bother" from Thomas the Train, originally a British program). The other night, after I told him he had made a good decision that day, he said as I was tucking him in "I make good decisions, I'm beautiful, and I'm loved." (I tell him all the time that he's my beautiful love so that's where he got that from). These are exactly the things I want him to believe about himself, so it made me feel good to hear him say it. He also doesn't hesitate to tell Seth and I that we are beautiful, one time saying to Seth "We are beautiful together."

That's about it from the Hendler-Voss household for now. Stay tuned for the upcoming video of Myles dancing to Neil! I hope you and your families are having a wonderful season.

Hope you Feel Good

2010-11-09T15:25:00.000-08:00

Still waiting on the photos to be uploaded to this computer. Sometimes being technically challenged is not unlike being directionally disabled...it's a maddening bruise to the ego. So; I'm dependent on Seth to get the photos on here. Still, there's this beauty that was taken by a church member on Sunday morning when we broke bread with the hungry in Pritchard Park. The kids love being in Pritchard Park! We served about 50-60 folks who otherwise may not have had any breakfast on Sunday morning. It's part of a community wide effort in which churches like ours sign up to take a Sunday morning. And while it doesn't fix any root causes (sometimes I think we are so far from fixing root causes that our nation will never get there), it does build community and remind us to look for Jesus in the eyes of the stranger, the outsider, the marginalized. We all need that reminder. And wherever there are parks, people, and trees shedding leaves, my young'un is happy.

Juniper is a bit of a mess these days...she had surgery to remove a mast cell tumor on her ear, and she's wearing a ridiculous padded pillow collar, since she couldn't tolerate the cone collar. She tries to shake it off about once every five minutes. Persistent, that one. She's due to get her staples removed this week and hopefully that means we're on the road to recovery. Her wound is still difficult to look at. On the up side, the pillow collar makes for a very comfortable sleeping situation, and she now snores with gusto. Reminds me of the old days when I was a volunteer for the Appalachia Service Project, sleeping in school gyms with dozens of volunteers, and one of them always had the immense snore of a bear and kept everyone up all night...until we were too exhausted to be bothered. But Juniper's snore is kinda cute, I love having a girl who can snore.

Mylestones: Though he's having a bad night on this particular night, for the most part Myles is full steam ahead into the world of being four. He's become frustratingly independent...meaning it could take me a second to snap his pants but instead he insists on doing it himself and it can take five minutes and include a fit if he's not successful. He perseveres; I guess he inherited a bit of the Taurus in Seth and me. He has become quite choosy about what he wears, and enjoys dressing himself. He's happy when he's in his own world playing with action figures or dinosaurs or cars, anything he can animate. Recently I overheard this: "No! I have to go, I'm the bad guy...have a good day!" The conversations between his figures offer quite the drama. Myles is also happy when he's doing the extrovert thing...like talking to strangers. Or yelling at them. Today, as we passed by a new house under construction with the car windows down (yes, I love a southern November!), he shouted to the men on the roof "It looks great!" Every passerby is a person of interest, a potential friend. This week he's been on a spider-making tear; obsessed with a construction paper craft in which we trace our hands on a folded piece of paper, cut them out, and unfold them to reveal a spider. Then we cut out eyes (which have to be green for some reason and pointy if possible) and glue them on the spider.

Myles Says: One of the sweetest things Myles said recently was to Seth's colleague, Al. Myles loves Al and as they were saying goodbye, Myles said, "Bye. And I hope you feel good." There are dozens of other things he says, and Seth is always asking why I don't write them down. I don't have a good answer for this.

All is well in our lives. Seth aced his midterm and is now working on a brilliant paper about sidewalks in east Asheville. I'm loving the church and grateful at all it's grown into in the past year. Looking forward to Advent already! The season of awe and wonder is upon us...

Strummin' for the Peeps, Playdough Super Heroes, and More...

2010-10-24T18:57:00.000-07:00

I have several really beautiful photos of Myles that I'm dying to share...but I don't know how to load pics from my camera to my lap top and our desk top is dying a slow death. Seth promises he will show me how to do it, so I promise new photos soon! In the meantime, this fall sunset's not too bad...I didn't take it, but I do love it. Our October weather has been flawless (except that the lack of rain has us back in a drought)...yesterday we ate lunch outside and I was wearing a tank top. Every day is sunny and warm, with cool breezes and a little chill at night that makes our quilt all the warmer. I love the mountains in October. After church today we went to the Eliada Homes corn maze, and Myles rode in an old wagon pulled by some beautiful Clydesdale horses, played in a "corn" box (a sand box filled with dried corn), and rode behind a tractor. Good times. Seth brought me a mysterious wrapped up treat that looked like a homemade doughnut and said, "eat it." And lo and behold, I had my first fried Oreo cookie. What would my life be like without Seth?

Mylestones: Is it possible that my child grew smarter and sweeter this week? It happens so fast. His cheeks are diminishing, that's the only thing I hate about growing closer to four. But he is keeping us laughing, becoming more independent all the time, and offering regular lectures about life according to Myles (this includes subjects as varied as whose turn it is to drive the car to what he would like to do with the day). He regularly exercises his new found authority with Juniper by closing her in rooms (or out of them) and then "checking on her" by asking if she knows why she's being shut in/out. A lecture on proper dog behavior ensues. Who is this kid? He picks out his clothes every day, transitioned into a "big boy" car seat, and is helpful around the house when he feels like it...

Myles Says: Here are two conversations from today...you can see how amusing life with Myles is on a daily basis.

Myles: "My guitar shirt has reminded me that I want to play guitar." (Goes and gets guitar). "Can I bring my guitar to Target? Because I need to play it for the people."
Me: "Why do you need to play it for the people?"
Myles: "When they pick up trash and throw it in the garbage can, I'll play for them so they feel good."

On the way home from target we passed Tod's, a local restaurant a few blocks from our house, and saw a man sitting outside alone. Myles said, "I guess that man will sit all alone in the dark at Tod's." He reminds me so much of Seth when he says these kinds of things...he notices people and cares about how they are. He said this statement in a sad sorta way, like he felt bad for that guy being all alone at night.

At Target we got him a play dough set that includes a super hero mold, and so he began to make superheroes of varying colors. When he realized they didn't stand up by themselves he said, "Well, I'll just lay them down so they can rest so they can get strong enough to stand."

Well, that's all for now....will get some new pics up soon! And if you haven't voted, GO VOTE! Take advantage of early voting, it's so easy and convenient.

October Heart

2010-10-12T16:52:00.001-07:00

Hot cranberry muffins are on the stove top, Myles is washing dishes, and Seth is (hopefully) in the process of acing his midterm exam. I meant to write last week in honor of my dad on the second anniversary of his death, October 7th. But then there was work, and the house to clean before the arrival of my in-laws, and a weekend party to prepare for, and a sermon to write. Yesterday I took the dog to the vet because she peed on the floor and seemed to have some kind of infection, and we came home with the news that she needs another expensive surgery (we still haven't followed through with the first one). Her health care costs are more expensive than anyone else in the family, by a long shot. What's wrong with this picture?

Back to my dad. The anniversary of his death, like the anniversary of his birth, reminds me to pause and talk to Myles about my dad. The thing that really sucks about losing my dad so young is that Myles will not have him around, and he won't get to be the incredible grandfather I know he would have been. This is a grief I'll mourn forever, my dad had so much life in him, and he only seemed to shine brighter the closer he came to death, so it's truly a loss for Myles and all of his grandchildren. I pulled out some pictures of my dad and showed them to Myles. Next year there will be an ability to understand more, but Myles does get it that Grandpa is in heaven. He talked to my mom that night and said "I'm sorry that you're sad about Grandpa. He'll come back from heaven." Myles is such a sweet kid, a lot like Seth, and I pray that he will keep this sweetness intact through all of life's bruises and bumps.

This year, as I read through my dad's caring bridge book, the one thing that struck me was something that's never stood out to me before. He wrote, "I will, indeed, be still and be content." Of course he was referring to the Psalm that says "Be still and know that I am God." I think it's a good description of exactly what my dad did as he died. He gracefully transitioned from movement to stillness. And his stillness was a reverent, humble stillness filled with contentment and gratitude. I still think about this all the time, because that's how I want to live and also how I want to die.

In my new on call job at the hospital I have the opportunity to think a lot about death, since I support families who are facing the unexpected death of a loved one. The circumstances are always tragic, they never fail to take me by surprise, and they almost never fail to bring a family to their knees in grief. But I do believe that God's hand is at work, loving these families through me and through others; drawing near to them in their time of suffering, offering powerful insight to anyone who will listen about the brevity and sanctity of life.

Although I think about my dad a lot, and I grieve the loss of him in so many ways, the joy does eclipse the pain. I think of him and smile or laugh about a time when he did something ridiculous. I hear his voice, forever upbeat, forever hopeful. I remember him with a head full of hair, and the way he enjoyed life is a much larger part of my memory than the way he suffered near the end. I've learned more than I can every convey from my dad, and so at the end of the day, I am grateful.

Mylestones: I am enjoying edging closer to four with Myles. Tonight we had a beautiful night together; conflict was minimal and he was willing to try the kale I put in his spaghetti and even confessed "I like it mama!" after I told him how kale helps clean out his belly (digestive track) and keeps his bones strong so that when he falls on his Scoot, he won't break his bones. These days I try things that I think are a long shot, and they often work much to my surprise. This week, for the first time, Myles showed a particular interest in style...he has an old pair of cords that are like six inches too short, but they have this rectangle, leather label on the outside of them (think Lee jeans). He insisted on wearing them; which we let him do around the house. Then he wanted to wear them to school and became quite upset when we told him they were dirty (and six inches too short). The only thing I could think to do was to remove the leather label and sew it on another pair that fit him. He was happy as a clam after that...and when I asked if anyone at school noticed the "tag" (as he calls it), he said, "yes!" Too cool for school.

Things are well with the church. We had a joint service for World Communion Sunday the first Sunday in October, and for the first time we had over 100 people, along with a drumming group. The growth has not happened as quickly as we would like, but we are officially a community of many families who are invested in our church and I love what I do.

My sister in-law Megan (Greg's wife) had her first baby on Monday, Myles' first girl cousin. Molly is beautiful and home with Megan and Greg. We hear she's a great sleeper!

That's about it for now, since it's bath time. We are loving this beautiful October; the trees are outdoing themselves and it's a wonderful time of the year to live in the mountains. I hope it's as beautiful in your neck of the woods.

The Pungent Demise of a Briefcase

2010-09-16T17:11:00.000-07:00

It was a Wednesday, and I was driving Seth to the airport to catch his flight to DC for the annual ASLA Conference (where he wines, dines, connects with old friends and, oh yeah, gets a few CEUs). Something stunk. I asked Seth to fish the essential oil out of the glove box and put it in the little clay star that hangs from our rear view mirror. Still, it stunk. "It stinks in here," I said to Seth, "are Myles' sandals back there or something?" (The poor kid, he's 3 and already bears the Hendler curse of stinky feet.) Seth looked. Nope. A few miles later I couldn't take it anymore. Could it really be my own shoes? I took one off, put it up to my nose and inhaled deeply. Not roses, but not the source of the stink. We arrived at the airport, and as Seth was gathering up his things, he said, "You know what stinks? It's my briefcase." He held his leather briefcase up to my nose and there was no mistaking it. Wow. "But there's nothing in it," he said, and pulled it open for me to see. Then he checked the outer pocket. Inside was a blackened banana that had clearly imploded about two weeks earlier. The whole pocket was crawling with live fruit flies and the stench was unreal. We got out the emergency wipes in the glove compartment and Seth spent a good five minutes wiping that thing out, eyes watering, fruit flies swarming. Even after being married to the man for six years, he never ceases to surprise me. Not unlike the time he had a tick hunkered down in his thigh for a full three days and kept insisting I not look at it because it was "just a scab." Never a dull moment.

While Seth was away (toting his stinky briefcase onto the plane, God have mercy on whoever sat next to him) and enjoying the big city, my mom came to help out with Myles and the house. She cooked, she cleaned, she painted, she babysat, she played, all with the patience of Job. When Myles threw a fit the exact moment that church began and I had to remove him from the sanctuary, she didn't bat an eye and cared for him the whole time, missing the entire service. Her endurance is something I can only hope to have when I'm her age...but I think I missed that gene.

She helped me shop for our service project on 9/11. My church gathered at the Veterans Restoration Quarters (and old hotel that now houses over 200 veterans transitioning into permanent housing) and created "Welcome Home" baskets full of all the household necessities one needs when moving into your own place for the first time (silverware, shower curtains, cleaning supplies, pillows, towels, etc.). We made over a dozen baskets, then sat in a circle to hear the stories of a few veterans willing to share. It was amazing. All those supplies will be distributed through the HUD-VASH program within the next 4-6 weeks as veterans transition into permanent housing. I also couldn't resist submitting an article to the local paper on the cost of war, since it was 9/11. Here's a link if you want to read it.

One of my oldest, dearest friends Erin had her sweet baby last week too...welcome to the world Ana Lucia! She's beautiful and perfect. Erin and I met in kindergarten, and I can only hope and pray that Myles will have such old solid friendships one day when he's grown.

Myles Says: When I used an angry voice with him the other day, he replied, "God and Jesus would not like what you're saying to me." Does he know what works with his mama or what?

PSA: Last day to register to vote in NC is October 8th. Get out there and register if you've moved or if you're not registered already. Voting is a privilege that others fought hard for, there's no excuse not to vote!

Summer Travels Chapter 2: Ma-Jersey & NYC

2010-09-05T12:26:00.001-07:00

It's Sunday afternoon. Myles is napping, Seth is running, and I'm procrastinating. My floors are dirty but I'd rather be blogging. My method of floor cleaning involves getting down on my knees and scrubbing in a way that is sort of like an intensive yoga workout for my upper body, so I try to look at it as multi-tasking. My mom arrives on Wednesday for a long weekend stay (Seth will be in DC for work), and she is one of my best motivators for floor cleaning. Now that I'm motivated, I just need to procrastinate a little longer until the sense of urgency can no longer be denied. Almost there.

In the mean time, I thought I'd update our friendly fans on our second family trip this summer. Seth's oldest brother Greg is about to become a dad for the first time and they are having a GIRL! (What's that?) This will be Myles' first girl cousin ever. Seth's folks threw a wonderful baby shower for them on their never-ending back deck, and so we decided to make the trip. Myles is still learning what states are, and the concept of being in a state was somewhat confusing to him. He saw "Ma-Jersey" (as he coined it) as a destination, a specific place that, once we've stopped the car, we're there. Imagine how anti-climatic it was after inching through Baltimore during rush hour to finally arrive in New Jersey...and still have an hour left to go in the car. We had arrived, sort of. Megan's shower was one of those rare opportunities to see Seth's small extended family (i.e. his aunt and uncle), long-time friends of the Hendler family, and old friends from growing up. We all enjoyed ourselves, but Myles had a blast! Hours of play with Uncle Jon, a trip to the water park with Nana, Seth, and Uncle Jon, playtime in the nearby park, plenty of sweet things to eat, new toys from Nana and Grandpa, and even some videos rented for him by Nana all made his trip.

On Sunday, we headed into New York City by way of car, train, and subway to see my college friends Janee and Sara, who both live in Brooklyn. We met up at a playground in Union Square so Myles could play with Amari, the foster son of Janee and her partner Tobi. Amari is just a few months older than Myles and pretty phenomenal on a scooter. The playground had a little water feature and so in typical Ashevillean style, Myles stripped down to his spiderman underpants and enjoyed the water. Later, we had Whole Foods on the steps near the subway station, and just enjoyed some good conversation with old friends. It's amazing that it's been over a decade since I graduated from college, but it's so easy to pick up where I left off with Janee and Sara. Janee is an amazing mom, and Sara is working on a documentary about her family's dairy farm in Michigan. I am so grateful to have smart, strong, interesting women-friends in my life.

On the train to NYC Myles had a huge melt down. We had forgotten to bring his drink, and he was thirsty. The whole train was well-informed on this matter, and we were very grateful when we were able to get off. The other passengers, no doubt, were even more grateful. We're catalysts for gratitude, I guess. However, he fully enjoyed the subway ride, and fell sound asleep on the train ride back to NJ, and said that the train was one of his favorite things about the whole trip. Seth's folks are doing well, and it is always a treat to see them, especially for Myles.

The trip there and back were both reminders of why we rarely get to NJ. Both took us far longer than the 11 hours we had hoped to make it in. The first leg included being in stop and go traffic for 2 hours, and the second leg included aggressive truck traffic as well as a mountain rain and thunderstorm that had us thanking God when we finally arrived safely home.

Mylestones: Last week, Myles went back to preschool for the fall. This year, for the first time, he goes five mornings/week from 9am - 1pm, and I had a huge (unexpected) lump in my throat when I dropped him off. I guess I just hope and pray that his teacher sees the beauty and open-heartedness in him that I see; that she nurtures and cultivates the person he already is; that he likes her and she likes him. It's hard to let go and remember the blessing of a skinned knee. Our kids have to explore, experiment, risk, and sometimes fall short to learn. And it's really hard to step back and let them do that. When I found out he's not in the same class with his best-good friend Rye, part of me wanted to march into the director's office and request a change. But I know that sometimes we learn a lot by being stretched and even uncomfortable. He has a new friend Joey in his class who is adopted from Ethiopia, and his friend Sagan's parents are in Ethiopia right now adopting Sagan's little brother Tegre, so I know that Myles will learn a lot about adoption and far away places like Ethiopia this year. I'm so glad.

Myles Says: Dressing Myles in the mornings has become more difficult, because he assigns particular tasks to particular shirts and will often say, "No! That shirt is for when I work with tools/play soccer/mow the lawn." It's hard to be creative in the morning, but I've finally discovered that a little bit of eeny-meany miney mo can get the process started. Today we visited the Lexington Avenue Art Festival (LAAF) just a mile from our house. It's the freakiest festival in Asheville, and some come in full-on costumes. Myles got to play a round of mini-gulf (not freaky, I know), decided against getting his face painted, watched a balloonist create a snake for him, and listened to lots of good music. The most impressive thing he saw was bike jousting. Yes, bike jousting. It's a new form of entertainment for LAAF, after a few years of the tall bike biting the dust short of making some kind of new record. (The tall bike was incredibly tall and somewhat scary to behold). Bike jousting includes two guys outfitted in foamy gear and helmets like football players. They ride banana-seat bikes that have horse heads duct-taped onto the front and faux fur on the seats. The hold long sticks (bamboo?) with a boxing glove on the end. Each receives a running push from someone in costume, and they ride toward each other, each trying to joust the other off their bike. After Myles saw this a few times, he had about a half hour of questions about it. Why are they dressed like that? Why do they have sticks? Can boys do that? At the end of the Q and A, Seth asked Myles if he would like to be a bike jouster when he grows up. There was a pause, and then a definitive, "Yes I would. And you could be the guy who talks into the thing." (The announcer.) We've got high expectations in this family.

Enjoy your long labor day weekend. Be mindful of those who labor in fields and on farms, in classrooms and factories, in shops and restaurants and hospitals...and also of those who wish they had a job and can't find one. It's tough out there. I'm thankful for meaningful work. Speaking of which, gotta get to those floors...

Summer Travels Chapter 1: Michigan

2010-08-26T17:42:00.001-07:00

We set out for Michigan all the way back in July to attend my cousin Katie's wedding. Just so happened that my nephew Cullen's 4th birthday party was the same weekend and we were able to fit it all in. Thanks to the wonders of the portable dvd player, Myles was a dream the whole way up. We drove straight from our house to Erin and Fidel's. I met Erin on the first day of kindergarten, and as Myles gets closer to that age I realize how precious friendships grow over the decades. Erin is pregnant with her first baby, and we had a fabulous time with her and Fidel, seeing all that she's been sewing for the baby, and enjoying the way they connect with Myles.

The next day we made our way to Howell to see my high school friends Kara and Melissa, and to meet Kara's son Sebastian, who is even cuter in person than he is in all the beautiful photos on her blog. Myles was very eager to meet Sebastian. Seb has CP, and at first Myles' energy was a little overwhelming since Sebastian had just woken up from his nap. But we finally found our groove with Myles blowing bubbles with Seth out on the deck and Sebastian watching from inside, smiling and giggling. It was very sweet. Sebastian responded when Myles greeted him and touched his leg, and he has the most beautiful spirit. Kara is an unbelievable mama. She is unrelenting in her devotion and care, and does so many things on a daily basis that I never even have to think about in my parenting life. The challenges are immense, but no doubt the rewards are unmatched. We learned a little about how the i pad is providing a new and effective way for kids with disabilities to communicate, and it's a beautiful thing. Although I haven't seen Kara since my sister's wedding way back when, she looks just the same as she did in college. Melissa was also there, in all her raw-vegan power, that smile ever-present...it's good to see your friends in love.

After our too-brief lunch at Kara's mom's house, we departed for Corey and Irene's new house. I dropped Myles and Seth off for Cullen's birthday party, and made my way to the farm for the rehearsal. Seth and Myles came up later that evening, and the next day we got to breathe in farm life. I grew up going up to Hemlock, not far from Saginaw, to visit my Grandma and Grandpa's dairy farm. We pass endless fields of corn along the way. My Uncle Scott and Aunt Shelly have lived and worked on the farm since they were married, when I was a kid. A few years ago, they created a pond and built their own log cabin on the property, and relinquished their house (which had been my great-grandparents' house) to my cousin Mike and his wife Sara. Scott and Mike farm full time, when Mike's not busy with his two little girls, and my Grandpa still likes to get on the tractor and do a few things around the farm too, despite the fact that he's now in his eighties. He gets around pretty well too. The farm has lots of milking cows, a few bulls, calves, chickens, chicks, dogs, geese that float on the pond, and swallows that fly over it. It really is a beautiful place to be. After the rehearsal, Katie took the four-wheeler around the pond, giving rides to some friends and the kids. We stayed in the cabin, got to enjoy some raw milk with our breakfast, and Myles swam in the pond, rode on a tractor, and called to the calves, who seemed a little shy. Along with Sara and her two little ones, we walked up the road to my Grandparents' house and enjoyed some lemonade and conversation, a very rare treat since I live so far away. I said to Seth, someday when Myles is old enough, we can just send him to the farm instead of camp and he can help out and learn something about farm life.

The wedding was a lot of fun. It was a little strange to return home to an extended family who's known me my whole life, but they've never seen me in a clergy robe or leading a service, something I do every week. I guess I was thankful for this chance to share with them a little of who I am in my life now, because they don't get to see it. And it was truly a vacation, a little Sabbath rest, to relax on the farm. The reception was overrun with kids...I have twelve cousins on my mom's side and most of them have multiple kids, along with Myles and my brother's three boys. They are at that age when they aren't too cool to be on the dance floor, so there was lots of shaking going on.

My mom drove home with us on my dad's birthday, and we saw the most beautiful double rainbow while we were talking about him. He would have loved this trip. I can see him smile, hear him laugh, envision him on the dance floor cutting a rug. Sure do miss him.

Myles Says: Yesterday I was headed out on a run at 6:30 and it was still dark out. Myles said to me, "Mama, be very very careful because it's very dark outside. And don't let the monsters get ya."

Mylestones: Today Myles had his first day of preschool in his new class for the year. His teacher is Miss Nancy, and some of his best-good friends from last year have Miss Kim, so he's not in the same class with them. Nevertheless, he had a good first day and reported that he likes Miss Nancy. This week Seth bought him the game "Go Fish" and every night we've been playing. Myles cracks up every time someone says "Go fish!"

That's it for now...signing off to chocolate chip cookies and another episode of LOST (we're on season 4).

I Got a New Attitude!

2010-08-03T11:59:00.001-07:00

We are recently back from a trip to Michigan, and I'll include more photos from that trip later. But I couldn't resist posting this one (now!) because it so perfectly captures the Myles 'tude. My parents used to call my move "the Mandy stomp" and so perhaps some of the attitude comes from me. But rest assured folks, when two Tauruses get together and have a child, the odds of said child having a spirited strong will are quite high! Or maybe it's just the 2's and 3's.

Mylestones: This week we created our much-talked about chart, in which Myles can see what's going to happen during the day, can mark off when he's accomplished things, and can even earn some stickers for doing some chores around the house (three year old chores include emptying silverware from dishwasher, clearing plate from the table, washing windows, and helping to feed Juniper). Myles also put on an amazing show for me on his bike today...I highly recommend the balance bikes, I can see how next summer he might be riding a big boy bike with pedals (and no training wheels) since he's got the balance part down. Myles can also now "read" 5 Little Monkeys by himself. Okay, so he can't really read, but he looks at the pictures and says the words that he's memorized. We are working on identifying the first letter of words and the sounds that go with each.

Myles Says: He keeps us cracking up. The other day we were watching Planet Earth and came to the part where a wolf chases, catches and eats a deer (which I usually fast forward through) and I said, "This looks like a scary part, let's fast forward." Myles replied, "Don't be scared mama, I'll protect you." What?? Also, the other day I received something in the mail related to my dad that made me cry. Myles quickly asked what was wrong, and I told him that I still miss my dad (Grandpa Voss) since he went to heaven to live with God. Myles said, "It's okay, Mama. When Grandpa gets back from heaven he can help you." After that he ran to the fridge and got out an ice pack and brought it to me saying, "Here mama, I got you some ice, this will make it better." He's recently stumbled on the fact that saying "You don't love me!" (with a big smile on his face) will illicit an amplified "YES I DO!" from his mama, so we've been playing around with that. I love to tell him, like my mom told me, that he'll never really understand how much I love him until he has kids of his own one day (if he does).

Our trip to Michigan was so wonderful, and I need to make time to blog about it. Stay tuned...

Internal Clocks

2010-07-17T06:03:00.001-07:00

Here's a picture of Myles at Splashville, the new water feature that's opened up just outside the front of the city building (conveniently where we go to drop off Seth at work every day). Myles loves it, and in this July heat getting wet is key. It's been a challenge to keep up with my running simply because it's so hot and humid outside, even at 6:30am when I set out. I'm ready for another cool snap.

It's been a week. We lost a member of our congregation last weekend, and it happened unexpectedly (she was 60). Her daughter's family has been a regular part of our community for the last year, and so we've been grieving with them, culminating in a memorial service last night.

Mylestones: This week, Myles transitioned from crying in the morning when we dropped him off at preschool ("I don't want you to gooooo") to crying when we come to pick him up ("I don't wanna goooo"). I guess this is a good transition. We know he's been enjoying class from the start because he resists leaving when we come to pick him up, but still, morning after morning, he hasn't wanted to go. This week he finally wanted to go first thing, but then he didn't want to come home, so there was some crying, some screaming, and yes, some body spasms on the floor. That's been my experience of raising a child...trading one challenge for the next.

Myles Says: On the other hand, he's saying all kinds of sweet and hilarious things that keep us loving life with a child. This week I got him a book at the library called "My Daddy is a Pretzel" about yoga for parents and kids. I came home from an evening meeting to see Seth squatting on the rug with his tongue out (lion pose). Myles knows lots of the poses, and there's nothing like a three year old body in downward facing dog. The other night, Myles was stepping into the bathtub and he paused and said, "Oh man, not again! I gotta go poop, just like last time." Seth began explaining to him that his body has an "internal clock" that tells him when it's time to eat, sleep, pee and poop. Myles looked at me (now on the potty) with wonder and solemnly said, "I've got a clock in my belly. I've got a clock in my butt."

Happy Saturday...we're off to the Farmer's Market!

Sour Grapes

2010-07-02T18:57:00.000-07:00

I can't post a family photo b/c I'm typing from my church lap top...our desk top having melted down again. Seth wants a Mac. There's so much going on that I don't know where to begin. How about with Tuesday. I dropped a teary Myles off at preschool (it seems that after three weeks of being home with mama full time, he now doesn't want to go anywhere without me), went to a meeting and returned home to be greeted at the door with a wall of stench...specifically poop. I confess, my first thought was that Myles had backtracked on his potty training and had cleverly managed to leave a poop hidden in the house, undetected before we left. I inhaled again. Nope. This was definitely dog poop. I'll spare you the details (which I did not spare my poor friends and family who heard the story first hand), suffice it to say my dog had gotten very very sick in more ways than one in three separate rooms while I was out of the house. As I cleaned it up, I noticed she was really struggling...her head felt feverish, her eyes and ears and belly had all turned red and rashy. By now it was time to retrieve Myles from preschool, and I ordered her into her crate; she could barely walk. Seth took her to the vet an hour later, she was diagnosed with a bacterial (virus?) she caught from the one night we had boarded her last weekend...and also we were told she had a problem with her right knee and one of her hips, problems that may require expensive surgery. Did I mention the lawn mower broke down last week?

Good thing I just snagged myself another job as a Family Support Liaison at Mission Hospital. This 30 hours/week with the church (ha!) isn't cutting it. The FSL position is an on-call, overnight thing, with 8p-8a shifts a few times/week. I will get called in if there was an accident that resulted in someone being put on life support, called in to support the family in their time of crisis. The thing I like about nights is it doesn't interfere with my time with Myles, and since my church schedule is somewhat flexible, I can sleep the next day if need be. The more I have reflected on our hospital experience with my dad, the more I've come to realize that the care and compassion of nurses, doctors, surgeons, and others was crucial to our ability to function in those difficult months when my dad was in and out of the hospital so much. Having a good nurse enter the room was like a breath of fresh air, and it made all the difference. So now it's my turn to give families support in the midst of crisis, in whatever way is helpful to them. I think this work will build up my skills in hospital visitation, which are already a part of my pastoral work.

Back to the freaky week. So that was Tuesday. On Wednesday morning, I had my second interview with Mission at 9:30, so I had to get Myles to preschool on time. Just as we were fixin to leave, Juniper throws up. Seth begins cleaning it up, and I walk out to put Myles in his car seat and I notice three things: 1. the remnants of watermelon seeds, from the watermelon Seth had shared with the neighbor kids on the porch last night. 2. a mad swarm of sugar ants all over the porch 3. Myles' carseat, sitting on the porch, swarmed with ants. Seth must have taken it out when he took Juniper to the vet. I brush the ants from the carseat, install it like wonder woman on speed, and buckle my kid in as I smash a few stray ants. On the way to preschool I explain to Myles why I can't stay, even though I know he wants me to. When we get there he cries and clings, and I now am peeling him off of me, feeling like the worst mom in the world, and booking it to my interview. Interview, check. I get back in the car to find ants all over. Where are they coming from? A secret compartment inside the car seat? I call Seth, as I always do in moments of crisis. He says I should power wash the car seat (it's leather). I remember why I married this smart guy. I go to the car wash and the power spray is $1.50. I put in my dollar, quarter and dimes. The dimes fall back out. Quarters only. But I don't have any more quarters. I do have a $5 so I put that in, wondering what I'll do with $4.75 in quarters. Only the machine doesn't make any change and I realize I've just purchased a 15 minute car wash for $6.25. Lovely. So I power wash the car seat and take unhealthy delight in watching helpless little ants stream down the drain. I rinse the car, wash the car, brush the car with bubbling soap, spray the car. Finally the wash is over. I vacuum out the car. Good-bye ants.

I get home and Juniper continues puking. In fact, I think she's puked like 8 times. I put her out on the back deck b/c I just can't clean it up one more time. I call Seth again. She needs to go back to the vet. She's gotta be dehydrated.

Long story short, the vet took her back and kept her for two nights as they stabilized her and got her healthy again. We're told she still needs expensive knee surgery. I just can't wrap my mind around kids being hungry in Haiti and me spending thousands on dual knee replacements for my dog. Do I sound callous? Seth thinks so. I love Juniper, but I'm not convinced that imposing our medical model on the animal kingdom is always a good idea. We've been referred to a dog surgeon, so I'm trying to just wait until we have more information at our fingertips.

Last Wednesday, as we were headed to church for our Service of Lament for the Gulf Coast, Myles brought with him a bowl full of grapes. He said, "This one's for Mr. Aaron, and this one's for Miss Sara, and this one's for Anna." He continued to point at grapes and name the masses he would bestow with one green grape each. Half way through the car ride, I heard him begin to cry in the backseat. "What's wrong, My?" I asked. "I ate all the grapes I wanted to give away!" he moaned miserably. Ah yes, the internal conflict between good intentions that don't quite come to fruition. Myles can be amazingly compassionate, like Seth, at times. But the truth is it's hard to share.

That's all for now from the wild world of the Hendler-Voss household. Be well.

More Myles Performances

2010-06-19T16:41:00.000-07:00

Well, here's a little more from Myles. These videos might offer a brief insight into the level of energy he has day in and day out...the first one is his running rendition of the Muffin Man, the second one is his version of the Wiggles "Quack, quack, quack Cockadoodledoo." Enjoy~

Breaking News!

2010-05-30T11:56:00.001-07:00

Seth stampeded his way to second place in Asheville's Sunset Stampeded on Saturday...and also won his age group. The Stampede is a 10 mile race, first five miles uphill and the second five miles downhill. His time was 1:03:02, a minute and a half improvement over last year's time. Here's a link to the Citizen-Times article. Enjoy! Seth won a beautiful hand-thrown blue pottery bowl, which I'm encouraging him to use for great big scoops of icecream all week long. Word has it that he's going for another run today before we head out for a camping trip...but the ole nap may win out.

School's Out for SUMMER...

2010-05-27T17:33:00.001-07:00

Today was Myles' last day of preschool for the school year. I'll admit that while I carried in cupcakes for his teachers, I got a little misty-eyed. He's grown so much this year, turning into this little pre-schooler who does things like play Hi-Ho Cherry-O with his Grandpa and Nana. He has three weeks off until his summer program begins at another church in town, three mornings/week.

Seth and I had a great visit with his folks last weekend. The Montford festival was happening just two blocks away so we enjoyed some art and music. Myles adores is grandparents and it's a treat any time he gets to spend time with them.

Next week I will be in Chicago for the 2030 Clergy Network event for UCC clergy in their twenties and thirties. My co-pastor Sara will be going with me, and I'm looking foward to a short but sweet time of retreat, community, and a few nights in the city.

Racing season is upon us, and Seth is in fabulous shape. His first race is Saturday, the Sunset Stampede, which is 5 miles uphill followed by 5 miles downhill. We are also planning to go camping with friends on Sunday night.

Myles Says: About a month ago, Myles started scheduling his own playdates at school and would inform me of the plan when I arrived to pick him up. "I'm going over to his house," he'd say, "his mama said it's okay." Or "He's coming over to my house today." His this-is-how-it's-gonna-be statements are often followed by, "Is that a good idea?"

Seth and I have officially begun the Lost series via netflix. I can't say we're totally hooked just yet...it's a little too sci-fi for me and a little too melodramatic for both of us. But we've run out of smart HBO shows, so a little entertainment it is.

Garden: We have blueberries, raspberries and strawberries growing, all green right now but we're anxiously awaiting the day when we can pop a few in our mouths. Our sugar snap peas are tasty and continuing to produce. We just planted some bush beans as our lettuce comes to an end (we didn't get all that much, we need a new plan for it next year). We have one cherry tomtao (sungold) that's just starting to turn orange, and others that are still green. Our other two tomoato plants are flowering. We're enjoying the farmer's market on Saturdays.

The oil spill in the Gulf is shaping up to be one of the greatest tragedies of the decade...our church gave to the National Wildlife Federation to help clean up the wildlife paralyzed by all this oil. My heart goes out to those communities along the coast who have lived in harmony with the coastal eco-system, and who are losing their livelihoods because of this terrible mess. Our addiction to oil is not wise living, and I hope we're each able to do our small part to quell it. I'm thankful to live in Asheville where we are surrounded by many friends and folks who also want to live more simply and ecologically. One easy thing you can do if you're looking to make a change is to switch to soaps and household cleaning products that do not have petroleum in them. Most do. I clean most of our house with a water/white vinegar mix with a few drops of essential oil mixed in to cut the smell (okay, it still smells, but it's a cheap, easy, and effective cleaner so it's worth it). The floor and dish soaps that I buy are petroleum free. Anyhow, there's a million small things that all of us can do to lighten our load on the Earth, and I hope you'll find a way to incorporate a few of them.

A Birthday Tune for Mama

2010-05-10T16:28:00.000-07:00

Seth, Seth, He's Our Man

2010-05-05T19:01:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, my man turned 32. Boy is he getting old. Just today I spied an unusually long stray hair popping out of one of his nostrils, and it hit me. We're getting up there. We've been together for a decade this fall, and there have been so many changes, and also that thread of constancy running through it all. Anyhow, happy birthday Seth! Our day began with some tasty morning meat from the farmer's market (Seth told me it was tasty, I wouldn't know). He scored a free lunch with his colleagues. For dinner we ordered out barbecue (I decided on a meat-themed birthday this year), and dessert was strawberry shortcake. He got calls from family and friends throughout the day. Myles got him a T-ball set, which he promptly asked to borrow. He also did a fabulous job of wishing Seth happy birthday over and over all day long. Today, Seth found out that he got a 97% on his final exam, which he took on Monday night. He maintains his 4.0 GPA for this MPA program.

The above photograph arrived in my inbox from an unknown source this week...it looks suspiciously like a finger puppet that we left at Hugh's house on Saturday night when we went over for some fajitas and a camp fire. I enjoyed myself a mojito.

On Friday night we have a babysitter! A high school student who is a child care assistant from church (and the daughter of a long-time friend) is coming to be with Myles after he requested that she come over and play at his house. Perfect timing, even more perfect that it was actually Myles' idea. So we'll be out celebrating birthdays on Friday night.

Myles Says: Tonight he came to me with a pained look on his face and said, "I have a chap on my tummy." Me: "A chap? Like your skin is chapped? Let me look at it." Myles: "No, the chap is in my tummy. Inside, you can't see it." As I puzzled over this, Seth said, "You mean a cramp?" Myles: "Yeah a champ. I have a champ on my tummy. It hurts!" A few weeks ago, as we were getting into the car, Myles saw our neighbor Miss Mary, who is a great-grandmother. He said "Hello Miss Mary, do you see my truck?" Miss Mary: "Oh, yes. It's nice." Myles: "Do you want one? If you grow a little boy in your belly, you can have one too." Luckily, Miss Mary didn't quite understand that. Last week at the library, we got a book on tape with both a tape in English and one in Spanish. He listened to the tape in Spanish, and said, "Next we need Greek! We're missing Greek." (His preschool teacher is Greek and teaches them to count in Greek.) Today when I showed up at preschool to pick him up he said, "I'm going to go play at Hyde's house today. Okay, is that a good idea, Mama?" (Hyde was no where to be found, having already left with his mom).

Mylestones: We took Myles for his wellness check a few weeks ago, and he's still hovering around 90% for height and weight. He is doing more pooping on the potty, and we're glad about that. He's been more interested in numbers recently. He's cruising on his balance bike, really surprising us every time he gets on it. He remains interested in all things car...where are we going, what pedal am I pressing with my foot, and what does that do? He occasionally climbs into the drivers' seat when we are trying to get him in his carseat and pops the trunk just to "be helpful." He keeps on singing. Tonight we heard a medly that ranged from "This Old Man" to "We are a Happy Family" and onto "Frosty the Snowman."

What I'm reading: Born to run. Loaned to me by the wonderful Cindy E, this is a page-turner that inspires me to drag my tired self out of bed to run. I'm back to running 3X/week and speeding up my runs. Seth is also getting back in shape for a season of races. If you need some running motivation, I highly recommend Born to Run.

VIP update

2010-04-23T13:08:00.000-07:00

Somehow the Huffington Post got this photo before the Aville Citizen-Times or the Mountain Xpress...the above photo is the first family dining at 12 bones. An update: after lunch they headed to the Grove Park Inn and then went on a hike on the Blue Ridge Parkway. Word on the street is that Hickory Nut Gap farm confirmed that they sent several grass-fed steaks over to the Grove Park Inn for the President. Rumors are swirling about where they will dine tonight, and we can't help but walk down town just in case we catch sight of them. One of Seth's co-workers wanted to start the rumor that Obama would be at the Friday night drum circle downtown...

Presidential Visit

2010-04-23T11:15:00.000-07:00

Okay for those of you who haven't heard the news...the Obamas are vacationing in Asheville this weekend. They will be staying a the Grove Park Inn, which is just down the road from Myles' pre-school. Seth and I are addicted to the Mountain X twitter feed and Aville Citizen-Times blog that's providing up-to-date information about exactly where they are in town. They went to 12 Bones for barbecue lunch...12 bones is less than a mile from our house, and the presidential motorcade (or whatever it's called) will be driving literally 4 blocks away from my house. I'm keeping a camera in my purse all weekend in case we bump into the Obamas!

I've had the chance to see both of the Obamas before...I first heard the President speak when I attended a Sojourners' conference in Washington DC. I was in the second pew, just behind the reserved seating. That was before he was a presdential candidate, of course, so it was easier to get within range. Then we heard Michelle Obama speak when she was on the campaign trail. We took Myles and told him that he was listening to someone very important, the next first lady (as if he knew what that meant). We were right!

Will let you know if we have any Obama or motorcade sightings this weekend. How cool is it that I live in a city where the President wants to vacation, even after he's been wined and dined in some of the most exciting cities in the world? I do live in a cool place. Btw, I had 12 bones for dinner last night (went to a meeting where it was catered). I don't eat meat, but they do some mean sweet potatoes and green beans.

Baby Rhy

2010-04-18T10:10:00.000-07:00

This morning at 3:40am, the phone rang. It was my sister, fighting off a contraction, tell me the time had come a little sooner than we all thought it would. We had decided that if she went into labor in the middle of the night, I would be the one to go and be with the boys so that Brian could be with Brenna during labor and birth. If she went into labor during the day, my mom would go. The only problem was I was scheduled to preach in just six short hours, and couldn't exactly call up my co-pastor at 3:40am and ask her to preach for me. So we decided that Seth should be the one to go and, hey, why not throw Myles in for good measure? By 4am, Seth and Myles were out the door on their way to the hospital in Bristol. (By the way, it was suggested to me at church that I should have just asked Seth to preach in my absence...he he).

As I called every ten minutes to check in with Brian (then called my mom, then Seth, then Brian again), I got more of the story. I think Brenna woke up in labor at 2am. At 3am, she woke up Brian. At 3:30 she called my mom, and at 3:40 she called us. The concern was that she was 35 weeks pregnant, and really wanted baby Rhy to stay put for two more weeks. (Finn was born at 36 weeks at 5lbs 13oz). So she didn't know if she'd go to the hospital and they would try to stop her labor or if they would just let the baby come. By the time she arrived at the hospital, it was clear that the baby was coming. She was fully dialated and crowning. Brian waited in the waiting room with the boys as Seth sped full speed ahead to the hospital. Brian mentioned that the dogs got loose when they opened the garage door and so were out on the run. (After an hour long search later in the day, they were found two doors down at the neighbors). I was on the phone with him when he casually said, "The baby's in the nursery. Hold on. Seth's on the other line, I have to let you go." Hmm. The baby's in the nursery, what did that mean. I called Seth a few minutes later, and Seth said that Brian had said the same thing to him, but he thought Brian was joking. I called Brian back. Nope, the baby had arrived, before Seth could even get there, sometime after 5am. He was now in the nursery being cleaned up and weighed. No epidural for Brenna, Rhy came too quick.

So here's the bit that I know. Rhylan Voss Schaffer was born at 5:08am, weighing in at 5lbs 6oz, measuring 19 1/4 inches (a full inch taller than Finn when he was born). His lungs seem to be in good shape. He was born posterior (which means his head was facing down rather than up, which was hard on his little head), so it was painful for Brenna. She's on some pain meds now, and may take a "jacuzzi bath" later. Rhy was also starting to nurse a little bit. Brenna will be in the hospital until Tuesday at least, and they are not sure yet how long Rhy will be there, but it looks like the maximum would be ten days in the NICU. Premies struggle with maintaining body weight, so they are keeping him wrapped up and Brenna's holding him a lot.

As it turns out, Rhy shares a birthday with Lucy, my sister's best-friend's littlest who turns one today. Happy Birthday Rhy and Lucy!

Please keep Brenna, Brian, and Rhylan in your thoughts and prayers this week. We are so joyful that he seems to be doing well and hope he will gain some weight with breastmilk and be released from the hospital when the time is right. What a miracle...

My mom is now at the house with the boys, who are zonked out after getting up so early. Brian is at the hospital with Brenna and Rhy. Seth and Myles are on the way home. What a day!!

It's a Wonderful Life

2010-04-17T04:46:00.000-07:00

April has been treating us right, here in the mountains of WNC. This week we've had 70-80 degree days with warm sun, cool breezes, and deliciously chilly evenings. The weather has been perfect. We have some sugar snap peas growing tall in our garden, our new raspberry bushes are happy, and our blueberry bushes are flowering. Our new dogwood bloomed in our front yard and is now leafing out. Every day it seems like a new flower is in season from daffodils to tulips to lilies. And this morning we are headed out the door to the first farmers' market of the season.

Mylestones: As I am learning I do too often in parenting, I spoke too soon when I whipped off last month's list of Mylestones. We are still working on potty training. I think we've got the pee thing down to a science, but poop's another matter altogether. We seem to take two steps forward, one step back, and Seth and I are frustrated by the painfully slow progress. On the other hand, Myles is showing a newfound interest in numbers which has been exciting to see. He's dusting off his numbers books and learning to count items on a page slowly and purposefully without getting ahead of himself. He gets some basic concepts, such as when he needs to take 5 bites and he's only taken four he will say "just one more, Mama!" The other day we were reading a numbers book when he proclaimed "5 plus 2 is 7!" Seth and I looked at each other. "He's a genius," we were thinking. So Seth quickly followed that up with "Myles, what's the square root of 68.4?" Nope. Just a fluke. He may not be a math genius, but his language skills are improving a lot, from pronunciation to vocabulary. He has an incredible vocabulary and often we will hear him using words phrases like "Stop, he cried!" rather than "Stop, he said!" It's quite amusing to listen in on one of his dramatic scenes in the bathtub or playing with his train table. Myles is also, I think I've mentioned, cut from the same cloth as his father in terms of being a strong extrovert. With warmer weather this means that whenever we drive by someone walking on the sidewalk, Myles shouts through his half open window, "Hi!" quickly followed by "What are you doing?" if we're at a stop sign/light. He also loves to stand on his chair in the kitchen and shout out of our window to passersby. People seem to be alternately delighted, amused, or confused by his initiation of conversation.

Myles Says: Yesterday in the car I was driving behind a very slow truck and made mention of it to Myles. Mama: "This truck is too slow, I better pass him." Myles: "Yes, or he might get into a c-, I mean truck accident." Truck accident...makes sense, right? As I was cutting a coupon out of a cereal box, Myles: "What are you doing Mama?" Me: "I'm cutting this out to take to the store, because if I give it to the cashier, I will get $1 off of our milk." Myles: "That's wonderful, Mama! What's it called again?" Yesterday at a friend's house...Cora: "Myles, would you like to slide with me?" Myles: "I'd love to!" Very sweet.

We had a fabulous Easter. Myles had two Easter egg hunts at school, one at his friend Hazel's house (pictured above), and another at church. For the good of the family, Seth and I forced oursevles to consume the bulk of his candy (unbeknownst to Myles) so that he wouldn't have to overdose on sugar. Our church had a joint worship service with the congregation that hosts us in their building, and we had nearly 100 folks there, about 70 of whom were connected to Land of the Sky. The spring has resulted in some concrete growth, which we desperately needed, and we're hoping that things will continue to move and grow and develop from here. After all the stresses and struggles of putting together the events of holy week (the week before Easter) and planning a joint service with another congregation, it truly was an Easter miracle when we came together for worship and communion and God's Spirit was certainly in our midst.

Well, off to the farmer's market!

In like a Lion, out like a Lamb...

2010-03-16T15:33:00.001-07:00

It's been way too long since I've updated this blog. Just busy, I guess. March roared in like a lion, with a snow storm that left enough on the ground to make a big fat snowman in our front yard. Though I've been told the Farmer's Almanac calls for more snow this month, I'm hopeful we've seen the end of it. I saw spring's first daffodils yesterday, the green fingers of our day lilies are popping out of the ground, and we've got some seedlings started (sugar snap peas) that we plan to plant by the week's end. The sun is out, the days are getting longer, and life is good. I'm thankful.

Last weekend we enjoyed Kaleb's 5th birthday party at my sister's house. Myles had a blast! We were in a car accident a few weeks ago...a full size Chevy van that felt like it was made of lead rear-ended us for no apparent reason. We've been told our car is not totaled and we're hoping that's the case. It's due to go into the repair shop next week. We all had a little whip-lash but everyone is fine.

Mylestones: Well, I've got a lot to report in this arena. Myles has been in big boy underpants for nearly two weeks. He does have accidents, but with each passing day he's going more and more on the potty and it's a huge relief to not be buying those stupid pull-ups any more. Thanks to Mama Cindy for lending us the potty book...it was just what we needed! Speaking of Mama C, the above photo documents Myles' first candle-lit dinner, with the lovely Hattie Mae. Cindy and Blake were very generous to watch Myles so Seth and I could get out for a real date, which we did and it was fabulous! Myles has also been giving up his pacifier. There's a broken one lying around the house that he will still suck on from time to time, but he's going to bed and sleeping through the night without it. A day we thought would never come. He's all grown up!!

Myles Says: A few weeks ago he said to me on Sunday morning, "Mama, you can't wear that skirt. You're too big for it." I thought maybe he was saying I'm too old for it (really, I'm not too big for the skirt!), so I asked if that's what he meant. He said, "No, you're too big for it. I don't like it. Take it off." And I said, "Honey, I appreciate your opinion, but I've decided that I'm going to wear this skirt to church today." Seth said, "Don't you think it's pretty?" Myles said, "No, it's not pretty." Nothing like the brutal honesty of a three year old! On the other hand, he came in the other day when I had a cuddle-dud undershirt on and said, "Oooh Mama, you look beautiful in that shirt!" Seth shaved his head and all day Myles said, "You look like Uncle Brian!" About his pacifier (copying me), Myles said, "It's damaged." He has also taken on a vivid story-telling style in which he combines books, songs, dvd story-lines and Bible stories. They sometimes rhyme and sound something like this: "Then the driver coupled his car to the other car. He went out one day, over the hills and far away. But that car said, 'Oh no! I'm out of control! I can't stop!' and then he crashed! Then all the people were watching, and the kids were trying to see but they couldn't see..." And finally, our favorite: "I want a brov-ver."

My Grandma Voss

2010-02-21T13:38:00.000-08:00

Below are the words I spoke at my Grandmother's funeral on February 12:

In some ways, it's easier than I thought it would be to share with you a few words about my Grandmother this morning. Because anyone who's been in a room with her for just five minutes knows what kind of a person she was--warm and inviting (like her cinnamon rolls); comfortable to be with (like the blankets she knitted); someone who was always able to make you laugh at her audacious ability to speak-it-like-she-saw-it.

All of you who've had the privilege of spending time with Beulah Voss know that she was a spirited and loving soul. And so those of us gathered here today to remember her life are like one big family mourning the same loss.

My Grandma weathered a lot in her 88 years of life. As I grew up I developed a deepening respect for her wisdom won from living through the great depression, the childhood loss of her mother, seeing her husband through the second world war, and eventually surviving the deaths of her husband, her son, and her son-in-law. My Grandma wasn't quick to talk about these struggles or the sacrifices she made, but I believe that her resilience made the sparkle in her eyes and the laughter in her voice that much more significant. Though she weathered so much, no one could snatch the joy from her life or the warmth from her presence.

I grew up hearing tale after tale of my Grandma's latest exploits. There was the time when my dad was little and she sent him out to the garden with a salt shaker and instructions to enjoy all the tomatoes he could eat. He got so sick that he never ate another tomato again. A life-long believer in the necessity of a thorough spring cleaning, my Grandma continued the practice of flipping her bedroom mattress each spring well past her 80th birthday, even when she got stuck beneath the mattress and had to call her neighbor for help.

We would warn her, tell her to slow down and put her feet up, urge her to live life more carefully--but that wasn't Beulah's way. She was fiercely independent, determined to have an extravagant meal on the table when you stepped through the door, no matter the trouble. She refused to abide by a stray spider or dusty corner in her home.

And perhaps it was her incredible hospitality that was my Grandma's greatest gift to family and friends alike. She mothered her own siblings after the loss of their mom and adopted countless others throughout her life. My Grandma never met a stranger. She made friends on airplanes and befriended the man behind the deli counter. She swapped mince-meat cookies for free samples from her doctor. She welcomed grandchildren into her home with a pan of cinnamon rolls and a platter of pumpkin roll. My Grandma took great delight in feeding anyone--grand-dogs included. I'm a vegetarian, but my mom and my husband heartily agree that she could cook some mean barbecue ribs. Her great-grandchildren cut their teeth on toast topped with her famous canned jams.

Beyond her love of food and infamous cooking capabilities, my Grandma could always make you laugh. She never lost the ability to surprise you with something she said or did, to shout you down if you weren't pulling your weight as her partner in a card game, to give you her opinion on the latest turn of events. My Grandma was fun and easy to be with. She was a people-person, a quality that I'm thankful she passed along to my dad. She loved her family with a fierce and enduring love. No doubt any one of her grandkids would tell you that we'd be blessed to inherit just a hint of her resilience, her sparkle, her wit, or her warmth.

And it is partially because of these qualities, but also because of the hope that we have in a God who is always bringing new life out of death, that I celebrate the joyful reunion of my Grandma with my dad, with my Uncle Ed, and with my Grandpa. I'd like to think she's slow-cooking some barbecue ribs right now for that joyous feast to which we're all invited. It is fitting that as she made her way home to God, a place was prepared for her--the one who spent so much of her life preparing to welcome others.

Because God's mercies are new each day, we can offer gratitude even for this day, a day when we miss one we loved so deeply--a day when we also rejoice that Beulah Voss is feasting at the heavenly banquet.

Beulah Viola Voss March 13, 1921- Feb. 7, 2010

2010-02-08T06:32:00.000-08:00

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

--My Grandmother's favorite hymn, sang to her by her pastor shortly before she passed on to the other side.

Birthday Boy and Blizzards

2010-02-06T05:12:00.001-08:00

We had a prolonged birthday celebration for Myles this year, as my sister's family came to stay with us for his actual birthday party the Saturday before his birthday. The party was at the Health Adventure, the coolest kids museum we have in the area...it's full of play rooms, a grocery store with plastic produce and carts, a crank with balls, spinning chairs, a rice table, and usually a traveling exhibit on the second floor. We had cupcakes and ice cream, and a whole slew of Myles' friends came. Then Brenna, Brian, and cousins Kaleb and Finn spent the night and Myles had a ball. We got him a bigger guitar and he plays it every day. On Sunday night, Seth left for a work training in Greensboro, and on Monday (Myles' actual birthday) we were invited over to his god-parents' for dinner and fun. Colleen and Tom and the girls had a house full of gifts for Myles--a caboose for his train table, a train whistle, a banner that said "Happy Birthday Myles" and a new pillowcase with his name sewn onto it. ("M-Y-L-E-S and Myles was his name-o")

The following weekend, Seth's folks came to be with us in the midst of a snowstorm that resulted in us canceling worship on Sunday. They made a clown cake for Myles that we later enjoyed over at Cindy and Blake's house after two mornings of sledding. Seth's folks gave Myles some new gates for his train table, and some cars he's been wanting. He got so many wonderful presents, but the best gift was the presence of family and friends. Being snowed/iced in meant that we traveled over to Cindy and Blake's by way of foot and jog stroller (deflated wheel and all) to sled and play and visit with some of the friends from our babysitting coop. Cindy always provides good food and warm drinks and it's always such a relief to be with other mamas who have kids Myles' age.

Myles absolutely loved his time with Grandpa and Nana. He always hits it off with Grandpa and insisted on playing "the hat trick" over and over, until he eventually poked poor Grandpa in the eye on accident. Despite the mishap, I think they enjoyed having so much one-on-one time with their grandchild.

My mom was disappointed to miss Myles' birthday this year, but made the wise decision to go up to Michigan with my Aunt Donna and Uncle Bob (as they drove up from Florida and picked my mom up along the way) to see my Grandma in the hospital. While they were there for a week, my Grandma seemed to have one day of shut-eye followed by a day when she would open her eyes, say a few words ("I want coffee" was a favorite), or move her right hand. Her speech is slurred so there's some frustration in communication, but my mom put the phone up to her ear and I was able to tell her Hello and remind her of how much she is loved, and she immediately responded with "Mmmm." My cousins have also been bringing their families to visit, which I am grateful for since we can't be there. My mom noted that my cousin Paula's youngest, Cameron, was especially sweet with my Grandmother, running his fingers through her hair and telling her how much he loved her. I'm glad she's receiving so much TLC. Yesterday she was moved from the hospital in Grand Rapids to a nursing home in Newaygo. It's a temporary situation, as the nursing home they'd like her to be in does not yet have a bed for her. Hopefully she will be transferred there in a few days and they will begin rehabilitation with her. Please continue to keep her in your thoughts and prayers, as well as my Aunt Barb who lives close by and will be doing much of the visiting.

Mylestones: It seems like this kid is growing like a weed these days. Putting together puzzles is a lot of fun for him and he has a couple that he works on over and over and over. He also is digging his train table more, and Seth and I certainly enjoy those times when he's able to play independently up there without the need for constant monitoring. He loves his preschool program and any time he gets with friends. And he still enjoys a good evening wrestle with his dad before bed.

Myles Says: Yesterday morning, I was holding Myles on my lap in a sweet snuggle. I said to him, "Your legs are getting so long! But you'll always be my boy no matter how big you get." He replied, "No I'm not your boy. I'm growing up. I'm going to be a man. I'll drive a car and a motorcycle." Wow. In relaying this conversation to Seth it turns out Seth had told him just the day before (grrr) that he would grow up to be a man and drive cars and motorcycles. He's also started to identify the parent animal as a "daddy" instead of a mama in some of the books and dvds he watches. If I tell him, no--that's the mama, he'll immediately say, "where's the daddy?" It's clear his alliance with his papi is of growing importance. Sometimes I feel a little like chopped liver, but that's okay.

Well, there's a ruckus going on upstairs, so I guess that's my cue...

The Good and the Bad

2010-01-17T11:57:00.001-08:00

After a computer crash, we're back up and running. It's been a tough week. The news about the catastrophic earthquake in Haiti has had me on the edge of my seat, and it brings back so many vivid memories of my time in Honduras following Hurricane Mitch. Haiti's disaster is exponentially worse, but my limited experience with a natural disaster in an impoverished country is enough to give me an inkling as to what's going on in Haiti, and my heart aches for the incredible losses of the Haitian people. Perhaps later I will post an excerpt from my sermon on the issue today.

Late in the week I received news from my mom that my beloved Grandma Voss was en route to the hospital, they weren't sure what was wrong. She had a mini-stroke, the doctors concluded, and just as she was showing signs of a recovery, she had another stroke in the hospital today. She is being transferred to the Grand Rapids hospital, and my Aunt Barb and cousin Paula are by her side. I will keep you posted as I hear more. For now, my sense is that my grandma may not be able to go on living independently. Please keep Beulah Voss in your thoughts and prayers, and my family as well. Anyone who has ever met my Grandma knows that she's got a spitfire spirit, shares a laugh with anyone, and always says exactly what's on her mind. She's also the beloved mother of my dad, and his absence makes her presence that much more special. It's hard to see the ones we love age and change and suffer setbacks like a stroke. I wish I could just get in my car and drive right over to the hospital.

Having a child around during a hard week can sometimes be a blessing. They can't help but be their silly selves. Myles saw me crying and came to give me a hug and then ordered me upstairs and into the bed (I guess being sad is kinda like being sick?). He often goes to his bedroom when he needs to calm down or gets hurt or upset, so I think he was wanting me to go to my own bedroom. Myles and I have been cracking up at Seth all week, because he has a new routine where he makes Myles' stuffed sloth pee and poop in the sink...it's quite the performance. And it's really nice to have a moment that is equally humorous to mama and son alike.

Myles says: "Hey you two!" "I have a baby in my belly. It's a boy. His name is Seth Hendler-Voss." Me: "Oh no, the rain got on your trike. Don't sit on it or you'll have wet pants." Myles: "Get off my bike rain!" "Mama, that shirt looks great on you!" At the dinner table: "We need to pray."

Okay, that's it for now, I'm signing off to get to a meeting...

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T05:23:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas to all our friends and family! Well, it's 8:30am and we've been done opening gifts for two hours. After struggling to go to bed last night (alternately proclaiming "Santa's scary!" and "I want Santa to come into my room"), Myles woke up at 5:40am. We tried, in vain, to bring him into our bed to sleep a little longer, but by 5:50 we were on our way downstairs to see if Santa came. First clue: presents under the lit Christmas tree. Second clue: the food we put out for Santa last night was a mess of crumbles and wrappers. Even the carrots for the reindeer were gone! I think I've mentioned that in the spirit of the gifts Jesus received from the wise ones, Myles receives three gifts for Christmas. This year, a fourth was under the tree from Nana-Grandpa-Santa, plus a full stocking. While the annual Hess vehicle from Nana-Grandpa-Santa has been the favored one thus far, we're hoping the Skuut will gain some traction. It's a wooden balance bike, the idea being that after kids learn the art of pedaling and steering from a tricycle, a balance bike (with no pedals) teaches them balance. This particular bike company plants a tree for every bike purchased, so that sweetened the deal. Myles received a (gently used) Lightning McQueen helmet and matching knee and elbow pads.

Yesterday, my beloved husband deftly saved Christmas Eve in an unprecedented act of heroism. With our Christmas Eve service (a joint service with the church from whom we rent space) scheduled for 5:00PM, I received a call at 1:00 stating that the parking lot was impassable due to snow and ice. Snow plowers had been contacted, but all were busy. Co-pastor Sara drove out to the church and confirmed that there was no way folks could park in the parking lot as it was. Seth got out the phone book and the first company he called happened to be able to come out within an hour's time and plow, scrape and salt the parking lot. Seth brought our shovel and hacked away at the sheet of ice below the snow for an hour, and made it back in just enough time for me to get to the dress rehearsal for our service (did you know that we sometimes rehearse service?). The candle-light Christmas Eve service, after all the panic and frustration, was a bit like the Christmas story itself. Out of the impossible came the holy. In the wreckage of all our human stress, God was born anew. I read a story this week about a Christian community that decided one year to fill the church with cow manure and hay on Christmas Eve. The stench reminded everyone of the reality that Jesus was born into...Mary's pregnancy was a scandal, Jesus was born into a working class family, and when the time came for his birth, there was no room anywhere but amidst the stench and dirt of ordinary animals. The first to hear the news were poor shepherds. Our service felt a little bit like God coming to us in the midst of all our messes and frustrations. And it was truly a beautiful service. We had two soloists, one who sang on guitar and the other who did an unbelievable version of O Holy Night. We had four actors in the roles of Mary, Joseph, the Shepherd and the Innkeeper. The kids sang "Go Tell it on the Mountain" with hand motions and movement. The offering was dedicated to a local organization dedicated to ending the cycle of chronic homelessness. And we ended in candle-light, remembering that Jesus is the light among us, singing Silent Night together. It was a beautiful, wonder-filled night...made that much more magic by the excitement of toddlers hoping on Santa.

I hope your Christmas too is filled with the holy wonder of God's presence in the midst of all the ordinary stresses and frustrations of human life...

Thanksgiving Part 1

2009-11-30T08:01:00.000-08:00

We're back from Richmond after a full, lovely, delicious Thanksgiving at "Uncle Greg's" house. Greg and Megan were wonderful hosts, always offering a drink or food, making sure everyone had what they needed. Megan even brought home some toys and books from her special education classroom so Myles could play with new things. As always, Seth's Dad did wonders in the kitchen, and our meal was sooo good! Myles had such a fabulous time that he didn't want to go home...will tell more later with Thanksgiving photos posted.

On our way home we stopped at the central prison in Raleigh to meet Robby, my pen pal on death row, who I've been writing to for over two years. It was so wonderful to see him face to face! Here's an excerpt from last night's sermon in which I talk about our visit:

"The last time I tried to visit Robby I learned about the rigidity of central prison. First, there was paperwork to fill out, which I sent to the wrong address. Next, I had failed to include a photo copy of Seth's drivers' license with his paperwork. And once our paperwork was finally approved, I called too late to schedule our visit. It turned out another visitor was already scheduled for that particular day, and more than one visitor per day is prohibited. This time, I finally got my ducks in a row and successfully scheduled the visit. We checked in at the visitor's station, threaded through the metal detector and followed another visitor up the elevator to the second floor. We signed in again, and faced a circular series of small, concrete rooms, each featuring a greasy window. Behind each window sat a prisoner. Some doors were closed and some rooms were filled with entire families. Others were empty, with prisoners waiting for loved ones with the calm persistence that I imagine comes from years of enacting this routine over and over and over.
We recognized Robby from the photo he sent us last year, but this time he was smiling as we filed in, introduced ourselves, and Myles said (unprompted), "Hi Uncle Robby!" We visited for the better part of an hour and when Seth had to take Myles to the bathroom, Robby leaned forward, looked me straight in the eye, and asked the most compassionate question I'd heard all week: "How's your mom?" He's been praying for her since my dad died. "I know how hard Thanksgiving and Christmas always were after my mom died," he confided, "and I just wanted to know how you all are doing." When compassion comes unannounced from the unlikeliest place--a visiting cell on death row, where embrace is prohibited and the best you can do is press your hand against the security glass--that is when I encounter the living Christ. He was in prison, and I was lucky enough to pay a visit. God is indeed among us, if we but notice."

This photo, which I couldn't resist posting immediately, was taken last night at church for a flash photo series we will have on the church website's home page. We each are taking a phrase of a verse and having our photo taken by Jesse Kitt, a professional photographer whose family attends our church. We first met Jesse when Irene and Corey gifted us with professional photographs after Myles' birth, and we got to choose the photographer. Seth looked online and picked out Jesse. We soon found out that her son Sergio was born within weeks of Myles, and luckily I kept her on my email list so she heard about the new church when we started it up. Anyhow, I love her work and this family photo is a testament to her skills!

Myles Says: "Mama, listen. The car is crying." "Why?" "Because it's sad. It doesn't want to go home." (Myles the extrovert...always wants to be out and about!)

Myles Says

2009-11-19T09:03:00.001-08:00

We had a fabulous weekend, with the highlight being Finn's 2nd birthday party. It was not lost on me that this is the first birthday party of Finn's or Kaleb's I've been able to attend, aside from Kaleb's first (which was at my mom's house)...and so we are once again so grateful that my sister's family is close by. Myles is too! Both Seth and I got a great run in on the Creeper, I was just feet from a beautiful pair of white tailed deer. The weather was incredible.

This is a quick post to share some of what Myles has said recently:

He calls the tag on clothes a "name tag" as in "where's the name tag on this shirt?"
He calls a belt a "seat belt" as in "I want to wear papi's seat belt on my pants!"
He has even taken to calling his friend from church, whose name is Ivy, "poison Ivy" because that's the only context in which he's ever heard us say the word Ivy.

More later...

Seth the Superhero

2009-11-07T17:57:00.000-08:00

So the title of this post isn't actually referencing the above photograph of our beloved superstar, as handsome as he is with a handlebar mustache. It refers to the FIRST PLACE (yes, I'm shouting now) award he received in today's Asheville Pizza Brew superstar 5k, which he managed to complete in a dizzying 17:20. For this feat, he received a 5X7 tile that we must find a way to incorporate into the decor of our house. Seth's only flaw in this race is that he failed to dress like a superhero. I did, however, manage to see the fastest costumed superhero in the race, who wore a zip up red face mask with golden lightning bolts coming out of the side and a blue cape. He ran with a kid whose body was painted red. As I've mentioned before, never a dull moment in Ashvegas. It's a good thing Seth doesn't keep up with this blog any more, or I might get an exasperated talking-to for bragging about his race. But he deserves it. The man can fly.

Myles had an excellent Halloween, nevermind the rain. We found the closest thing to a purple monster costume that we could find, and lucky us, it was on consignment. He refused the hood, and could barely put one foot in front of the other as we trick-or-treated down Montford, so wide were his eyes with every costumed kid we passed.

Myles Says: A new addition to our blog posts, one I believe will be used with great frequency in the coming months. A few days ago I asked Myles, "What do you think we should get Finn for his birthday?" Myles: "How 'bout a cake?" Later, he was pantless (potty training demands it!) and pulling his t-shirt down in the front, and back between his legs. Mama: "What are you doing, Myles?" Myles: "I'm patting my butt." Mama: "Why?" Myles: "Because I love my butt."

And with that, I'll sign off for the night happily, as it looks like that health care bill will pass momentarily...

Sweet October

2009-10-27T18:07:00.000-07:00

Ah, the month of all things pumpkin. The leaves are at peak, and it's a beautiful time to live in the mountains of western NC. Our lives are full and abundant--in the past month we've made a visit to Hickory Nut Gap farm for our pumpkins and apples, we've spent time with my family and marked the first anniversary of my dad's death, we've enjoyed just about every second of building this new church community, and we've enjoyed the company of friends, especially those new little ones recently born into the world.

I think I was a little hesitant to write on the anniversary of my dad's death...feeling this need to honor him and write something profound, but living in the reality of being a mom to a toddler who is ever-busy. Suffice it to say I just miss him, plain and simple. This Sunday is All Saints Day and we have invited folks to bring in photographs of loved ones and light a candle in memory of them. My dad's picture will be on the altar. I remember last year at this time going to church and not even being able to speak his name during this ritual. This year will be different. The grief shifts, and there's a little more breathing room. The good memories flood in more quickly sometimes than the ache.

Mylestones: Myles was well on his way to potty-time last week, going to his morning out program in "biggie boy" underwear (with Thomas the train on them, of course) and staying dry. This week he decided he's not interested any more. So it's back to diapers. We do have very creative bath times, in which a drama with 2-3 dinosaurs always ensues, with dialogue and at least one rescue scene. Myles also enjoys playing doctor with his "sick" stuffed animals...one of them is always wanting a pacifier and Myles has to remind them that in our house, the pacifier is just for sleeping. He's quite the authority on that one. Tonight we were able to get him to wear his Halloween costume for the night with friends, and that was huge! Several weeks ago we checked out a Halloween book at the library and in it there was a purple monster costume. Myles pointed at it and said, "I want THAT. THAT, mama." So we looked all over for a purple monster costume, but the best we could find is a second-hand pull over blue monster costume. However, it has purple dots and purple horns on the hood, so that seemed to be good enough for Myles. I'll be honest and say that the last month has been really really hard with Myles. Lots of tantrums. Tough times. We are trying to bolster our parenting techniques and switch things up when necessary. We changed our whole morning routine last week and so far it seems to be working.

Seth's enjoying his class and just turned in his midterm. He's running a lot and took 3rd place in a half marathon a few weeks ago (perhaps first in his age group, but we didn't stay for the awards). He's in great shape! I'm running too and it feels really good to be in shape. I'm not close to the shape I used to be in in high school, but who is? All I know is that I'm in the best shape I've been in for a decade, and that's pretty good.

We love having my sister's family so close by. We see them about once a month and Myles absolutely loves going to cousin Kaleb's house.

Well, must sign off for now. Enjoy all things pumpkin this month...pumpkin spice latte, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin beer, pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin chili, even enjoyed some pumpkin pizza with my beloved friend Karson a few weeks ago. I love October!

Blue Ridge Relay Weekend

2009-09-13T19:06:00.000-07:00

On 9/9/09, my friend Kelly birthed twins into the world (naturally!) just six minutes apart. Her older daughter, Cora, celebrated her second birthday on Saturday along with Maya...they are both friends from the babysitting coop. As evidenced by the above photo, the kids are old enough to get the "cake" part, so much so that Myles refused to eat dinner until after his cake, in order to make sure there was room. It was a sweet party. Another friend from the babysitting coop is due on Tuesday, and she was at the party in all the glory of end-of-the-third-trimester belly. Myles spent a good bit of time staring at Maya's chickens, but also enjoyed the sand box and even the "dangerous" swinging hammock.

Backing up, Seth left on Friday morning with his Blue Ridge Relay team for Boone. For those of you who don't remember from last year, the relay is a team run from Boone to Asheville. Each team member runs three legs. Seth's legs this year were as follows:
1:30 PM, 5.5 miles
12:30 AM, 4.5 miles
9:30 AM, 6.5 miles (uphill climb of 1400 feet)
He did fabulous, averaging between 6:20 - 7:30/mile pace. Seth's brother Greg joined the team for the second year in a row, and performed equally amazing legs. They returned to the house at 5:00 PM after pizza and beer, totally exhausted. After taking Myles to his friends' birthday party, we went out for Jamaican at our neighborhood restaurant, 9 mile (which always brings me back to growing up in a suburb of Detroit...not the Jamaican part, the 9 mile part).

Today was church, church, and more church. Church is an incredible blessing, my life's calling, and also a lot of work, much if it unnoticed and unpaid (not that I'm complaining!). This morning we cleaned out three classrooms we will be using in the coming months, and primed for painting. We came home for a brief respite then went back for the 5 PM service, after which Sara invited us over for some excellent food. (Hello lentil enchilada...)

Our weekend in a nutshell.

Backing up even further: on Labor Day, people of faith supporting comprehensive health insurance reform gathered for a service. We heard from "witnesses" who testified about their experience in the system, including our neighbor Carolyn who was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer at age 45 (kids were ages 3 and 6 at the time). Carolyn had health insurance, but her husband lost his job in the economic downturn, and so they did the Cobra thing for 18 months, which oddly enough required all 4 of them to be on Cobra, not just Carolyn. So they dipped into their college fund for their kids, their retirement savings, pretty much depleting all that they had worked so hard to save. After Cobra ran out, Carolyn was able to get on a NC insurance plan designed specifically for people like her with the dreaded "pre-existing condition." Problem is, it didn't pay for what her doctor said she needed. Carolyn is a white, middle class, educated woman with all the privileges that come with that background. And if it can happen to her, I know it could happen to any of us. So we tuned in for the President's speech on Wednesday and then began (again) calling our members of Congress and writing them letters the next day.

Mylestones: We've entered the "why" era, which begets wonderful conversations like this one.
Myles: Where's Juniper?
Mama: Outside
Myles: Why, Mama?
Mama: Well, what do you think?
Myles: Making poo poos and pee pees?
Mama: Yep.
Myles: But why?
Mama: Well, doggies can't make pee pees and poo poos on the potty. They don't know how to use the potty.
Myles: Why not diapers for Juniper?
Mama: Excellent question, my love.
Totally logical thinking, right? It's amazing what these kids come up with. We got Myles a little play guitar with plastic strings, and the other day coming home from his morning out program he sang a little medly that moved quite fluidly from "Wheels on the Bus" to "1, 2 Buckle My Shoe" and finished up with a rousing chorus of "Jesus Loves Me." I love being serenaded on the way home! We've also been renting the "old school" Sesame Street videos for Myles, which start with a creepy disclaimer that they are made for adults and may not meet the needs of today's preschooler. Good enough for us, right? Anyhow, the seventies footage of kids (playing unaccompanied on a construction site, for example) brings a flood of warm memories. On the potty training front, we've been working hard. Myles has been peeing regularly both on his potty, and the big tiolet. I think we're getting closer, though now when I volunteer to let him run around the house without a diaper on, he suddenly quits squirming and requests a diaper.

That's about it from us for now. Will try to update a little more frequently, but no promises, as life is so busy and being outside this time of year is so wonderful, why spend any more time in front of the computer screen than you have to?

Much love to all of you out there in the world!

Oh August...

2009-08-20T18:06:00.001-07:00

I have no idea what's going on in this photo, but Seth's commentary is "in China, Myles can make a dollar go a long way." Enjoy the hair, we shaved it off last week (pictures coming). Myles absolutely hated the hair cut, but afterward was kind of fascinated by the whole thing. We've been giving lots of praise for the hair cut (which will hopefully save us from having to go through this for months), telling him how handsome he looks. And he does. What a beautiful kid.

Mylestones: This week, Myles has been asking me to hold his hand walking up and down the steps (although he's been able to do this by himself for a long time). I can only conclude that he just wants to hold my hand for the pure pleasure of it, which pleases me to no end. He has also been doing a great job "reading." When I pause in a sentence he can fill in the word from memory, or (even more impressive) based on context or the picture. I can tell he really gets what's going on in the stories. He's really into Mother Goose lately, which Seth bought for him when I was away. Unfortunately, some of the rhymes include whipping children and men putting their wives in pumpkins in order to "keep them." Ugg. And of course he adores it, though we skip over some of the above mentioned lines. Myles insists on having coffee or hot tea each morning, and he gets a little packet of kids tea from the cupboard. I wind up making him hot tea and he has about two sips...it's the novelty of pretending he's drinking "hot coffee" which he also makes for me (pretend) and offers to me to sip on. It's so delicious! Today he was a big helper with the vacuum...getting it out of the closet when I asked for it, unwinding the cord, then helping to wind it back up and putting the vacuum back.

I'm a little too exhausted to give much more of an update. Suffice it to say we've been busy! We had a veterans service event for church, went to Abingdon to see my sister's family, and Seth begins his new class next week. I'm starting to long for fall...a few cool, crisp days (though I admit, we've had a cushy, mild summer). More soon!

Grandma, Myles, and an Apple Pie

2009-07-26T18:27:00.001-07:00

From Wednesday through Saturday I was in New Orleans at the Lutheran Youth Gathering. Over 35,000 youth and adults descended upon the city for a half week of community service, collective worship in the superdome, workshops and the interaction center (which included a zip line as well as exhibits like the one I worked at for the Lutheran Peace fellowship--a time line of historic nonviolent movements for social change and a prayer-peace flag making station). While I was away, my mom came to spend some quality time with Myles (and Seth). She sent an email my way tonight that had me laughing out loud, so I thought I'd share. My mom was making an apple pie because my dad's birthday was on Saturday, and she always made an apple pie for him on his birthday. Here's her account:

Making an apple pie while two-and-a-half year old Myles is playing

1. Grandma begins to roll out the dough for the pie crust, which she had prepared the day before while Myles was napping--a very wise decision!

2. Myles is in the pantry pointing out the cereal he would like, even though he has just finished a big breakfast a half hour earlier. Grandma washes off her hands and fixes Myles his cereal, which he eats with two spoons, one for each hand of course.

3. Grandma begins to cut up the apples. Myles is in the broom closet trying to get the big brooom down, which he does. Juniper's ball has gone under the sofa, and Myles needs to help Juniper by sweeping the broom under the sofa, as he had watched Grandma do the day before! The boy has a great memory! Grandma washes her hands and tries to help because the long broom is banging against the wall and almost topples a plant. Myles tells Grandma that he can do it by himself!

4. Grandma begins cutting apples again while Myles plays in the tupperware. It's fun to push the tupperware backwards from the top shelf down to the bottom shelf, but then the drawer won't roll in and the cabinet door won't close. Grandma washes her hands and comes to the rescue for which she receives a bear hug an kiss from Myles:)

5. Oops, not again Juniper! Repeat of number three above!

6. Myles decides to play with his new Memory game. All of the cards are dumped on the floor. By placing a card under each foot and sliding across the floor, Myles has come up with a new, creative way to play the game. Grandma continues to slice the apples.

7. Myles is too quiet. Grandma stops slicing and washes her hands. Myles is discovered in the dog shower. Thankfully, he hasn't turned on the water yet.

8. Repeat of number three above!! Grandma hides the dumb ball:(

9. Myles would like some juice. It MUST be served in the cup with the straw. Grandma stops the pie making, washes her hands, and pours the juice from the sippy cup to the cup with the straw. Myles is happy, and Grandma gets another bear hug and kiss:)

10. Grandma, wondering if the pie will ever be completed, resumes working. Suddenly Grandma hears, "Help me." Guessing Myles is in the broom closet again, Grandma finishes the apple she's working on when she hears, "Help me" again. Grandma washes her hands and finds Myles sitting on the tall desk chair in the office. He has taken out Poppy's drawer and all of Poppy's tubes of art paint, which were in the drawer, are lined up on the desk. Grandma is soooo thankful that she went to help Myles get down before any paint tubes were opened!

11. Grandma finishes slicing apples and begins to make the crumb topping for the pie. Myles comes to the kitchen and shows her his hur thumb nail. Grandma kisses it and takes advantage of another bear hug and kiss:)

12. Grandma continues to mix the topping when she hears Myles saying he wants Cheerios. Upon checking the pantry, there is Myles standing on the top of the oatmeal box with both feet, while hanging on to the shelf with one hand and pointing to the Cheerios with the other!! Whew! Now Grandma understands why the childproof door knob is on the pantry door. Grandma gets Myles some Cheerios. Oh, and he needs more juice in the cup with the straw.

13. Grandma gets the pie in the oven while Myles snacks. She praises the Lord for completing the pie before lunch time, while wondering how many ingredients she accidentally omitted!

July Madness

2009-07-21T06:18:00.000-07:00

Big news first: Seth is going back to school!! He has been accepted to Western Carolina's Masters of Public Affairs (MPA) program for professionals. Evening classes will be offered at UNCA, a mile from our house. Seth is also receiving partial scholarship which truly makes this step possible for us right now. Pursuing his MPA is not so much about a career change, but broadening Seth's skill set and expertise. While he loves design and will probably have his finger in the design pie throughout his career, the MPA will also equip him to do more management, such as managing a Parks Department. The great thing about doing masters work (we think) while working is that Seth will choose research projects and write about the things that he's already curious about after working with the Asheville Parks Dept for five years (how do other cities handle x, y, and z, for example). Congratulations Seth! Will keep you posted on the classes he's taking as that time rolls around. We are grateful to have the GRE behind us...

In other news, the summer has reached a frenzied pitch in our household. We just returned from the beach, where we had a fabulous, quick time of retreat. My beloved friend Erin came to visit for the weekend and introduced Myles to his first board game, Memory (at this age, we just turn the cards face up and find "matches"), named his duck "Pato" (getting some Spanish language acquisition in there!), and just treated us to a great weekend. Tomorrow I am headed to New Orleans for another contract project with the Lutheran Peace Fellowship. My mom is coming to be with Myles and Seth to help out with child care while I'm away. I will return on Saturday, my dad's birthday. Sunday is our July worship service (thankfully Sara's preaching). I have a week to catch my breath before heading to Atlanta for a New Church Start Institute training for a few days. Being away from Myles is really hard for me. I'm trying to take a deep breath, offer thanks for Seth and my mom, and see what new things I might learn in my time away that make these trips worth the trouble.

In the mean time, we're thinking about our friends Karson and Jason as Karson continues on with her chemo. We're thinking about health care reform, which we hope will be comprehensive and include a public health option. And we're loving being so close to my sister, who popped by on Saturday with her family for a quick visit. As Karson and Jason often affirm, life is good.

Beach Retreat

2009-07-10T19:24:00.001-07:00

Thank you to Blake for this beautiful picture of Myles...

I used to avoid posting at an hour like this...10:27 on a Friday night. But hey, I'm all about being real about the realities of family life. So I might as well mention that Seth is out with Tom (happy 41st Tom!), Myles is sacked out in the "big boy bed" upstairs, and I'm down here on the computer catching up on Rachel Maddow. But my blog fans are clamoring restlessly. Must post, must post.

The long silence is a reflection of how busy life has been. The best news is that my sister's family is settled into their new home in Abingdon, VA--just an hour and forty minutes up the most beautiful highway! I still can't believe our good fortune to have them so close by, and their good fortune to land in the cool little town of Abingdon. News that my brother-in-law Brian ate a fried green tomato sandwich on his first day of work when his employer took him out to the restaurant at Hungry Mother state park, and that they've already been to the farmer's market and on the creeper trail makes me smile with delight. I love Appalachia, and there's nothing like sharing the goodness of it with family and friends!

The week's been a good one. On Monday night we went to concerts on the quad which receives a five star rating for fun things to do with toddlers. We pack a picnic dinner, meet up with friends, listen to music and let the kids run around and do their thing. Myles dances. And gets really close to the stage to study the guitar player's hands...

Last night I attended a press conference at city hall in support of the Racial Justice Act. I gathered behind the podium with other clergy and listened to Edward Chapman tell his story. Chapman was wrongfully convicted, sentenced to death, served over a decade on death row, and was recently exonerated. His story is powerful, and his spirit is stunning. The guy carries absolutely no resentment. None. He takes responsibility for the lifestyle he was leading that allowed others to take advantage of his reputation to prosecute him (his words, not mine). He has integrated into community life in Asheville and works hard every day, the energy and zest for life positively pours off the guy. And yet he's an advocate for the racial justice legislation and a moratorium on the death penalty because he knows first hand that too often race plays a factor in determining the severity of the sentence (in NC for example, someone who kills a white person is 3.5 times more likely to receive a death sentence than someone who kills a person of color), and he knows that in a human system we sometimes make mistakes. He lost 15 years of his life to the row. And he could have lost his life had it not been for some ambitious law professor and investigative students. Yesterday I had the pleasure of shaking his hand, introducing myself, and telling him that I'm pen pals with his old pal on death row.

What I really love about being a pastor is that I get to do such meaningful work. I get to speak out on the ethical issues of our day, stand up for justice, and march for peace. I get to walk alongside folks in the most beautiful and difficult seasons of their lives, from births and baptisms to heartbreaking diagnoses and separations. It is such a privilege to do the work of a pastor. I am so blessed.

Mylestones: Today I came to a sudden stop in the car and Myles said, "Careful mama, careful!" As the light turned green and I started to accelerate slowly he said, "Good job mama." We have finally hit that sweet spot where he's telling us regularly that he loves us and gives us kisses and hugs unprompted. Life is good! We are on the potty daily, but performing on the potty is still not regular, forgive the pun. Myles loves having pretend conversations on our cell phones which involve a great deal of jubilant gibberish and giggling. He occasionally sings "tinkle tinkle little star" on command (or over the phone for Grandma). He's been sleeping in the guest bed all week, I guess finally transitioning out of the crib. He likes to have papi or mama lie down with him for the first few minutes, which is when we get the sweetest side of Myles. He whispers, he gives kisses, he hold our hands, he throws an arm over my side.

Tonight Myles was thrilled that we were going to Tom's birthday party. We practiced singing happy birthday and saying "happy birthday Tom!" Myles helped me make a construction paper crown for Tom and gave it to him himself (Tom is his godfather). We ate sushi for dinner, home-made peach icecream with chocolate zucchini bread muffins for desert, and then Myles played with the chickens (and Claire and Lydia) in the backyard.

Seth is officially an old man. He got his first crown today. (He still looks young and handsome to me.)

Tomorrow we head for Atlantic Beach. I'll be participating in a clergy retreat on Monday and Tuesday, and Seth and Myles will be vacationing, but we'll have plenty of time together as a family (the retreat schedule is not rigorous). I am so hungry for the ocean and a time of contemplation. I think Myles will have an incredible time at the beach, and there's an aquarium there as well.

Before I sign off, I want to recommend this inspiring video of the week.

Feel the love, yall.

The Summer Groove

2009-06-20T13:17:00.000-07:00

We've hit our summer groove, or so it seems. Mondays are babes in the woods day, when we drop Seth off at work, swing by the library, and end up at the Botanical Gardens where we meet up with Myles' friends, snack heavily, and just see what kids do in the woods without toys. Tuesday through Thursday Myles attends his summer morning out program from 9am - 1pm, and they have water days on Wed and Thursday, which means Myles gets to go outside, play in a kids pool, and even climb an inflatable tower/water slide. Lately, we've tackled a few fun projects in the time between Myles coming home and nap time, such as watering the plants together, playing kickball outside, or making corn muffins (Myles' help is messy, but so worth it as I see him learning new things and wanting to try his hand at cooking, cleaning, weeding, planting, and so much more!). Fridays we head over to another friend's house for toddler art, which includes a story time, song, art project, snack and sometimes a dip in the toddler pool. Weekends are for river swimming, gardening, potlucks, farmers' markets, and church. It's a good good life. We are blessed to the nines and filled up with gratitude when we take a moment to pause, be present, and give thanks.

Today we did some gardening. Finally pulled up the greens and planted two more rows of green beans along with some zucchini. Our tomatoes are beginning to flower and fruit, and we got some delicious green beans off the plants today that reminded me of summers growing up. Our red pepper plant's been a-strugglin, so we planted another and we're hoping for the best. With the rabbit fencing up, our basil has finally recovered and taken off.

Last weekend was an incredible treat. I was supposed to be in Atlanta for my final project with WAND, but the conference I was scheduled to present at had really low rates of registration, so I opted out and let the Atlanta chapter fill in instead. I can't help but think this was what God had in mind, because we were then freed up to host our friends Karson and Jason and Ashley who all came to town to attend Michelle's going away party as she heads off into the sun to get a phd. Hugh hosted a beautiful party, there were ASP toddlers all over the place, Myles even talked Hugh into giving him a personal guitar session, and in one of the sweeter moments I've ever witnessed, Myles was asked to dance by Lea, who is a few months older than him and loves to cut a rug (she gets it from her dad, folks...for those of you who weren't on the Jonesville porch in the summer of '99, shy Brian Johns gave an explosive introduction when he danced to a Brittney Spears song, forever endearing him to me. I was the envy of all center directors when he was placed on my staff).

We were very blessed to have Karson and Jason in town. Karson was diagnosed with breast cancer in '07, and after two years of being in the clear, they have now found cancer on her liver. Karson was the one who introduced us to the Caring Bridge website as a tool for communicating with loved ones when going through something like cancer. And what an amazing gift that was for my dad and all of us who loved him! Karson has so much going for her...an incredible husband, supportive groups like the cancer posse, meaningful work as a social worker at a children's hospital, a loving family. She seems far to young to be dealing with something like this. Those of us who love Karson and Jason are a bit shell-shocked as we try to figure out what this all means and how we can be supportive as Karson re-enters treatment. She could certainly use all of our prayers, so please be mindful of her and all that she's facing.

Tomorrow is Father's Day. Without trying to judge it, I confess that I'm not feeling the typical tidal wave of emotion that I felt as recently as a few weeks ago when my parents would have celebrated their 41st wedding anniversary. Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow. But this week I'm incredibly grateful for the gift of life, and I know it would please my dad to see me live my days with gratitude to God. Yesterday as we were coming from downtown, I made eye contact with a passerby and smiled at her and moments later she returned to our car and asked if she could talk to us. She began to break into tears and explained that she's "tenting out" because she doesn't want to live in public housing, her mom is sick with cancer, and she's been staying with her sons who are 10 and 14 in unsafe shelters (the co-ed shelters are very unsafe here). She asked for a ride close to where she's living in the woods, and we invited her into the car and took her where she needed to go. I think she just needed someplace to have a good cry, and she did. We listened and introduced ourselves and when we dropped her off I think we both were sobered by the pain of her situation. So again, I'm so grateful for every day in which I have a bounty of food on our table, a beautiful son in my life, a roof over the head, and peace all around.

My mom suggested that we go to my dad's favorite ice cream store tomorrow for Father's Day and I think we will. We'll put out a picture of my dad, light a candle to remember him, tell stories to Myles. And I can't promise we'll indulge in rum raisin, but we will certainly raise an ice cream toast to Robert Voss.

Wishing all the dads, daddys, papas, papis, fathers, and grandfathers out there a very Happy Father's Day!

Sammy

2009-06-09T19:05:00.000-07:00

Admit it. You've been dying to see Seth's sweaty, post-running body. Well, here it is for your viewing pleasure. Trust me when I say it looks much better than it smells.

It was a roller coaster week. Along with many of our ASP friends, we are mourning the news that our friend Karson has some suspicious spots on her liver. Her biopsy is tomorrow morning. Please keep her and her husband Jason in your thoughts and prayers. And then my parents' 41st wedding anniversary rolled around.

In the midst of that I had a preaching gig in Charlotte and we hosted film makers from DC who came to Asheville to screen their film, "Scarred Lands and Wounded Lives: The Environmental Footprint of War" as a special Land of the Sky UCC event at the Asheville Brewing Company.

And Seth ran the Chamber 5k with a team of three other guys from work. His time was 17:20 and he placed 4th (some fast cats in Asheville). Won us some free movie tix (I'm liking this racing thing more all the time). His team won second place, behind the running store's team. All in all a wonderfully successful race! In fact, I admit that I kinda teared up when Seth raced past Myles and I both because I could tell how good of a race he was having and b/c Myles is getting old enough to cheer Seth on and get a sense of what's happening. As Seth's boss said, "Seth, you glide...running's beneath you." I also celebrated my first long trail run with my friend Colleen. 6 miles, beautiful trail, and I hope to keep doing longer trail runs with her on weekends to bump my mileage up to 15/week.

The best part of the week was this evening's dinner. The sun streams in during dinner time, and Seth started making shadow animals on the wall. Sammy the duck came for a visit. As far as we can tell, Myles totally didn't get that Seth's hands were making Sammy's shadow. Or maybe he just didn't care. He kept asking for Sammy again and again and again. Sammy started demanding things like that Myles eat his rice and beans and red peppers before Sammy would return, and Myles diligently complied in order to get "more Sammy." Finally Sammy had to go back to his family at Beaver Lake and have his supper, his bath time, and go to bed. Myles was sad, but we told him that Sammy might come for a visit tomorrow night.

Sunset Stampede

2009-05-30T09:04:00.000-07:00

A quick shout out with some good news.

Seth placed 3rd this morning in the Sunset Stampede, a 10.1 mile race that's half up-hill. He won a $25 gift certificate to a running store! His time was a little under 6:30 minute miles. He felt good about the run and we are very proud! He's now out mowing the lawn...

...because my sister and her family are arriving this afternoon!! This will be the first time we've hosted the Schaffer family in its entirety under our roof. They are coming for one night, then headed up to Abingdon to look for a house to buy. The fabulous news is that they finally received and accepted an offer on their house in Evanston! So the move is impending...

Finally, we have our first worship service for the new church tomorrow night. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Sara is preaching, and I can't wait! This is the reason/excuse why I've been away from blogging for too long.

The farmer's market today was sensational. The first crop of greenhouse tomatoes, huge cucumbers, the best strawberries, broccoli, and some home-made gnocchi pasta all made it into our cart. On the menu for tonight: broccoli quiche, home made sweet potato fries and cucumber salad. To top it off, we will be enjoying five varieties of cupcakes from the mama owned cakery short-street cakes: mexican chocolate (it's mine!), blueberry chocolate ganache, caramel apple, carrot cake, and strawberry. Yum!

The Taurus Month

2009-05-16T13:12:00.000-07:00

Earthy. Unyielding. Practical. Loyal. That's what they say about Tauruses, which both Seth and I happen to be. We celebrate our birthdays within 6 days of each other, and mine also fell on Mother's Day this year so there was much cake-eating and card-opening to be done. This pleased Myles a great deal. He loves to give gifts as well as receive them...at least this month, anyway.

Seth's folks came into town his birthday weekend, along with Seth's brother Jon. It was like heaven for Myles to wake up and have all these loved ones in our house, ready to play and engage. Like Seth, Jon has a gift for being with children (does this come with the creative gene?), and so he and Myles shared fun and laughs all weekend long.

Mother's Day weekend we spent with my mom and my brother's family in Knoxville. The new news is that my brother is moving back to Michigan to take a job at a hospital in Lansing. I'm happy for their family, but also sad that Myles will grow up so far away from his three cousins. Ashton in particular is very brotherly with Myles, almost always including him, hugging him and playing with him. They will all be missed...moving date is mid-July.

In other news, my time with Women's Action for New Directions (WAND) is coming to a close due to budget constraints. I have worked with WAND in some capacity for seven years, and it has been an amazing experience! I have met some of the most incredible women along the way, had opportunities to do amazing things, and am a better person for having worked with WAND. On the other hand, as my passion for the new church start grows, I am eager to have more flexibility to invest my time in this ministry, and so I'm actually welcoming this transition.

Speaking of which, we now have our website up and running. http://www.losucc.org/. Check it out if you're so inclined. Our first event open to the public is taking place on Sunday (it's a book reading with a local author, a performer, and a Cherokee flutist). We will have monthly worship services at the end of May, June, and July as well as other events to build up a critical mass of folks interested in investing in the community. It's busy season, and my colleague in ministry, Sara, birthed a little baby girl into the world on Wednesday morning, so we are celebrating new life in our midst as well!

Our garden has not been fairing as well as I had hoped. It's a good reminder that you can't just throw a seed down and expect it to do its thing. Gardening requires careful cultivation and committed attention. I hope this weekend we can get some compost in there to fertilize the soil a bit, and I may even start sprinkling some human or dog hair in there to keep out whatever little critter's been eating our greens. Nevertheless, our mint is doing very well and our bean plants are popping up, we'll see if they do anything. Today we bought three tomato varieties to plant tomorrow... Cherokee purple, sun gold cherry, and brandywine. I will truly be crushed if these babies don't make it! Our blueberries have started to grow, but they are still quite green.

Mylestones: The new word of the month is "O-Tay!" often said with a lilt in his voice in response to mama explaining something sorta complicated. He is thrilled that we are hosting Tasha, my mom's dog, for several weeks, though I suspect Tasha is less thrilled. (She is old and beyond blind, so being a house-guest is not exactly her idea of a good time.) I caught him picking her up by the hair on her hind quarters earlier this week (sorry Mom) and he got quite the instruction on how we do and don't treat Tasha. Todd Parr has helped us discover toddler humor with his "Do's and Don'ts" book, which includes one liners sure to bring a giggle, such as "Do brush your teeth...Don't brush them with peanut butter" or "Do eat all the food on your plate...Don't put it in your hair!" Have I mentioned that he's a total back-seat driver, regularly telling me "Stop, mama!" or "Home now" or "Beek!" (translation: beep)? He also has started occasionally calling Seth "Seth" instead of papi, because he hears me doing it. I explained to him the whole name thing, what my name is and why he calls me "mama," etc. Today when I asked him what his middle name was, he said "Seth!"

Today is the Montford festival just a block from our house. Dancing, music, food, and all kinds of things being sold. This is a marvelous town to people-watch. Enjoy this bull-month in your neck of the woods!

If I Had a Hammer

2009-04-27T18:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Seth built another frame for a raised planting bed for the garden, and Myles woke up from his nap and watched from his bedroom window. He was intensely interested in what his papi was up to out there with all the banging. I explained to him that, like Bob the Builder, papi was building something out of wood, and that he was using a hammer. "Hammer" became the new word of the day, and this afternoon he went into our storage space under the house, found the hammer, and promptly went to work on the planting beds with quite a bit of banging (which occasionally produced an "ouch!"). He was actually really good with the hammer...he was able to squarely hit (repeatedly) the skinny side of a 2 X 10. It was all very impressive.

We had an excellent weekend in which I pondered aloud, over and over, why we would ever want to live anywhere but Asheville. Friday night we went to Mellow Mushroom for pizza and beer. Saturday morning we went to the Farmer's Market, which Myles now calls the "market," and bought some asparagus to test Barbara Kingsolver's theory that store-bought asparagus doesn't hold a candle to fresh, seasonal stuff straight from the ground. (Her theory held true, it was the best asparagus we'd ever had, and pretty too with some purple woven into the green). We also tried out some spinach gnocchi from a family that sells handmade pasta at the market. It was pretty incredible (and probably the most greens Myles will eat all week). Seth is interested in trying their shrimp ravioli (can you say expensive?) next. I also went for the chocolate cherry brownie that tempted me the week before. I dig the baked goods at the market!

I confess that we've been doing the whole "eat your dinner and you can have dessert" routine. I know, I know, you're not supposed to use food as a reward, and you're not supposed to use a reward to get kids to eat their food...but you know what? It works. And if the dessert keeps those sweet cheeks around a little longer, I'm a happier mama.

We did a little more planting, some bean seeds, more basil, the elder-berry bush that's been sad ever since we planted it (Seth thinks it will make a comeback). We heard on the radio that we should be pinching the blooms off of our blueberry bushes so they have a big yield next year, so we're learning.

Sunday night my friend Cindy offered this incredible yoga-to-relieve-stress class for FREE! We got lavender-rose water at the start (lavender is soothing, Myles is still into putting lavender oil on his feet after the bath) and chocolate at the finish. It was a wonderful class...I really need yoga to balance out my week, after having a toddler hanging on me, it's really a treat to just breathe deeply, stretch fully, and do something kind for my body. Cindy's a therapist who knows a lot about how to use body movements, art, and creativity to get rid of stress and work through hard stuff. I'm excited to start referring folks to her, as I do get asked for referrals as a minister.

Seth's folks and his brother Jon will be coming on Friday for the weekend...we can't wait! Myles will have a blast and it's the perfect time of the year to visit Asheville. We'll keep you posted. Have a beautiful week!

Here's To You, Mrs. Robinson

2009-04-22T16:41:00.001-07:00

Life's been busy, and I haven't updated the blog as often as I'd like, so here are three photos of Myles. He enjoyed licking the brownie bowl, and also loves putting on my cowgirl boots (always on the wrong foot).

Mylestones: He's speaking in lots of 2-4 word sentences, counting to 14, and enjoying several one-sided phone conversations daily...the fax machine in our home office has a phone, which he loves to pick up and pretend to call either Papi, Grandpa Hendler, or Bob the Builder. In fact, we've increasingly had the problem of things getting "stuck" which necessitates a call to Bob the Builder in which we specify which of his vehicles he should bring to help fix the situation. Bob to the rescue. The other week, Myles went into our kitchen closet and emerged a few moments later with a poop in his pants and Simon and Garfunkel in his hands (we keep our cds in there)...it's the second time he's selected that cd to listen to in the last week, so I am beginning to think he may have excellent taste in music.

Seth is studying hard for the GRE. He's interested in the MPA distance program that Western Carolina offers at UNCA. He could take it slowly over the course of three or more years. He's got a great GRE study book and has been madly learning a whole new vocabulary of words that mostly I've never heard of. Smart, that one. After the vocab, it's on to tackling math.

I'm keeping very busy with the new church start. In May, June, and July we'll be having a monthly worship service and a monthly event. Our first event is a book reading at a local community center and our second one is the screening of a documentary about the eco-footprint of war, we'll be featuring the film-makers from DC. In new-church-start-speak these are "taste and see" events in which folks can come out and have a good time, bring a friend, and pick up some literature about who we are, meet Sara and I, and hear a short introduction about Land of the Sky. We are thinking the website will go up within a week or two.

Garden: Our local farmer's market began last Saturday, and I've decided that next year rather than growing from seeds, I will buy plant starts, as all their stuff looked so much more robust than the plants starting in my own garden. Last week I planted mint, basil, and cilantro as well as some more spinach and lettuce mix. Beans are next. We've been planting fools in the front yard with a native palate, including two blueberry bushes, two kinds of phlox, Jacob's ladder, and other bushes that only Seth can pronounce. We will have some beautiful hydrangeas, I'm so excited! In the fall we will plant bulbs so that next spring we will finally have some perennials. It's getting beautiful out there, and the more we plant the less grass we have to mow. Our goal is to put up a privacy fence in our backyard if we can save up enough for it. We have a total of three outdoor dogs in our neighbors' yards, and they bark and howl every time we're out there.

Well, that's the update for now. Have a lovely spring week!

Good Friday and Ghosts

2009-04-10T17:48:00.001-07:00

Puddle diving sometimes results in funky looking outfits like this one...pajama pants and a self-selected sweater, this boy's gonna have some serious style when he grows up!

Our Good Friday's been full of glorious weather. Sunny and warm with an evening thunderstorm that somehow managed to melt into a sunset. The plants are happy. My boy who loves the puddles and the rain is happy.

A story from our week that's the stuff of baby-book chuckles: Yesterday when Myles woke up from his nap and I went in to get him the room smelled like poop. So I assumed he had a poopy diaper. As I was getting ready to transfer him to our changing cushion on the floor, he tooted loudly (yes folks, we now call them toots) and giggled. I asked him if he needed to make a poop and he said, "no!" I transfered him to the changing cushion and prepared for changing a #2 diaper duty. When I pulled off the diaper, though, it was just wet. Myles giggled and said something that sounded like "gha poop." "Do you need to poop?" I asked again. "No!" he said, "gha poop." And it dawned on me that he was saying, "ghost poop," which is what we call it when his diaper stinks like the dickens but has nothing in it but pee. "Ghost poop?" I asked. "Yes!" he giggled, "gha poop." We laughed so hard together.

Here's what church planting consists of lately:
opening a bank account
opening a p.o. box
beginning a web site
creating the first e-newsletter
visiting possible locations
designing business cards
sharing communion with the core group for the first time
putting dates on the calendar
talking about marketing and "tweets"

It's a sweet and busy life we have.

This Holy weekend I'm feeling a little exiled. I will go to an Easter service at the wonderful little church I've been attending since my time at First Congregational came to an end. And despite their incredible hospitality, I know it's not home. Planting a church doesn't often consist of as much worship and Sunday school as you crave...it requires an ability to engage in menial tasks, things you weren't trained to do in theological school. It requires more faith and trust and hope than I can sometimes muster. Oh, and patience. Where will we be next year at this time? I can't even begin to imagine. Maybe I've let my imagination muscle grow a little too weak. This is the first Good Friday maybe since before college that I haven't attended church. But I'm hopeful that with the new life of Easter this little church-dream will send down some roots and sprout high toward the sky. I'll keep you posted.

Remembering my Dad

2009-04-06T19:51:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow marks six months since my dad's death. I will keep a candle lit all day in memory of him, and I've been mindful of other ways to honor him as well. This weekend we will finally plant a cherry tree in remembrance of my dad, a gift from many beloved ASP friends. Despite Seth's protests, it's a tree that produces edible cherries...fresh fruit from our back yard that we can enjoy year after year.

It's hard to believe it's been half a year since I've heard my dad's voice or gave him a squeeze. All the time, I'm wondering what he would think of this or what he would advise about that. What would he think about President Obama and Arne Duncan? How would he advise us in the midst of this economic downturn? What would be his commentary on tonight's game between MSU and UNC?

I'm learning that when a parent dies, the whole family system lurches. My dad was our anchor in so many ways. He was the mediator, the complimentor, the optimist. He took a genuine interest in the varied passions of his three children and six grandchildren. He loved telling the latest stories about my grandmother. He adored his wife. The wake of his loss is more than grief, it's a whole shift into a family season that's unfamiliar...

I know in my gut that one day when I think of my dad, the first thing that comes up will not be a pang of sorrow or a wave of grief, but the deep joy that comes from having a parent who has loved you well. One day it will be a light-hearted memory that rises to the surface, and I'll laugh first. But for now it's still this grief journey that accompanies me through my good days and my bad days. I miss my dad.

It's Holy Week...that week in the Christian tradition when we remember Jesus' death and resurrection. And of course that message is not lost on me. Our God is always bringing new life out of death, and there is new life all around. I'm grateful for it. But trudging through the crucifixion this year, I know so much more about death and loss and heartache. It's good to know that God's been there too.

Please send out a prayer for my family tomorrow...

Crazy Mylestones

2009-04-01T17:58:00.001-07:00

I know we've neglected to blog as of late. But this week there have been two surprising Mylestones that I have to share! The first was earlier this week when I was driving Myles to his morning out program. He kept pointing to roads and saying "road, more road, more road" with each one we passed. I told him what road we were on and where it led (his morning out program), and then he told me "Go right!" The funny thing is he said this just before we typically turn right. I don't think he knows his right from left, but did hear Seth and I do a lot of "turn right" and "turn left" over the weekend as we were navigating. When we turn onto the road where is morning out program is he always cheers, so I know he recognizes some land marks.

The second one happened yesterday. My mom and dad got Myles a book some time ago called "The Appalachian ABCs" and each letter is paired with something Appalachian. Myles really likes the book and so we read it together often. Yesterday as we were reading it, we turned to the "P is for pottery" page and he yelled "P!" before I had the chance to say it. I was so surprised, so I started going through the book just tracing the letters and seeing if he would say them...he said "K" and "P" and "U." Tonight I asked him what each letter was and he got about 5-7. Smart cookie! There's something extraordinarily rewarding as a parent when you realize that your kid has absorbed all kinds of things you didn't realize they were learning.

The weekend was pretty good. The bad news was we didn't get to visit with my pen pal Robby because when I called to set up the appointment, he already had a visitor signed up for the week and he can only have one per week. Robby has no control over who signs up to visit him, he's just informed on visitation day that he has a visitor. So he had no idea someone had signed up to visit him and I had no way other than snail mail to tell him I couldn't come. I thought maybe being clergy would exempt me from the visitation rule, but on Friday I called for several hours and the visitation line was busy every time I called so I couldn't get through. Myles didn't sleep on Saturday (he doesn't do well when in a room with us and we were at a hotel), and so he was crabby and I think a little under the weather on Sunday. He and Seth stayed at the hotel while I went to the church to preach....which was an amazing experience! This church was a new church start ten years ago and it was an incredible blessing to see how they have grown and continue to thrive ten years out.

Backing up, on Friday we took the day off and went to Richmond to see Seth's brothers. We stayed with Greg, who officially lives in the coolest suburb I've ever been in (and I'm not a big fan of suburbs). The neighborhood is immersed in tall tall trees, with biking and running trails throughout. On Saturday morning, Seth and Greg ran in the biggest 10k in the country, and Seth placed 13th in his age group! His time was excellent. Then Jon took us out to Chuck E. Cheese as a belated birthday celebration for Myles. The highlight was that our table was next to a toddler Bob the Builder ride, which Myles went on again and again and again. Jon also had a blast with the skiball.

Church work is keeping me really busy. Happily so. All is well on that front.

Have a good night yall!

Back Again

2009-03-22T06:35:00.001-07:00

Well, here they are. All six cousins and grandma. Is she out-numbered or what?

It's been a bit of a break since I last wrote. Last weekend in DC was a really great experience, except it was definitely one (or two!) night(s) too long away from Myles. I was like a little addict there at the end, especially as my flights back into Asheville from Charlotte are always delayed, this time it was just by an hour. Still, I was fidgety, tearful, and praying that God would just get me home to my baby.

On the other hand, it was fabulous to see Liz and her belly! She looks beautiful, and it brought back so many sweet memories of that wondrous, uncomfortable, confusing time of pregnancy. There's nothing quite like seeing an old friend pregnant with her first baby...

This year, Ecumenical Advocacy Days (the event I attended in DC) was about climate change. We talked about the reality of climate migrants, the effects of climate change on poor communities and especially women. The workshop I led was on the environmental impact (or eco-footprint) of war. And one highlight from the weekend was hearing the personal testimony of a woman from the Marshall Islands, named Lemeyo. Lemeyo was in her teens when the U.S. tested a nuclear weapon on her island. Her island community was not forewarned, they were not evacuated until three days after the test. By this time, radioactivity had seeped into their organs and bones. Lemeyo's father died a painful death by way of stomach cancer. She has had her thyroid removed and confessed, for the first time in her life in a public forum, a series of miscarriages. She has no children. On the Marshall Islands, those who were directly exposed on the island where the testing occurred were stigmatized by other islanders, told they were "poison." And so there was a lot of shame in Lemeyo's symptoms, and it was an act of real courage for her to share her testimony with a bunch of Americans, and also with members of Congress. After three years, Lemeyo and her fellow islanders were returned to their homes and mistakenly told the land was safe. But it was not safe. And in the 1970s, Greenpeace conducted tests that determined they should again be moved off of the island. Lemeyo still has not returned home. I am grateful she was willing to share her testimony. She is a member of the United Church of Christ (my denomination), and it was the UCC that was able to bring her to the U.S. for Ecumenical Advocacy Days and the opportunity to talk with members of Congress.

It's been a lazy, homebody weekend here the past few days. I'm so happy to be with my boys, and share some quality family time lying low. This morning we got in a 4 mile run through down town with Myles in the jog stroller, and it felt really good.

Mylestones: Somehow "no" has turned into "note," and "beep" has turned into "beek" so it takes a translator to understand what Myles is trying to convey. Tonight at church we had a sweet moment when he said "Bye Jody" to a member of the church who is a teenager with down syndrome...they made a connection and it was fun to see it happen. We've been reading a book about manners and so Myles is saying "peas" a little more lately. He's also picked up on my expression "sweet!" We occasionally find him repeating our words when we didn't know he was listening, so we're getting to that stage. He can be fairly insistent at times and I'm more of the softy while Seth holds the line, the exact opposite of how I imagined we would parent.

The coming week will be a busy one. On Friday we're headed for Richmond to see Seth's brothers. Seth plans to run a 10k while we're there. On Sunday morning I am guest preaching at Umstead Park UCC in Raleigh on the tenth anniversary of their start as a new church. They have gifted Land of the Sky UCC with hymnals, and it was such an amazing gift to arrive on our doorstep! Afterward we hope to visit Robby, my pen pal on death row. It will be the first time we've met in person, so I'm hoping it all works out (the red tape involved is something to write home about) and we have a good visit.

Hope all of you are well...thanks for tuning in.

Mellow March

2009-03-09T18:52:00.000-07:00

March came in with a bite, but the weekend was fabulous and so was tonight. After Seth got home from work, we took a walk around the neighborhood with Myles on his bike. While Seth cooked dinner, Myles painted for the first time out on the front porch. As you can see, he's a gifted artist (which he gets 100% from the Hendler side of things). When I checked the garden, we could see rows of the smallest sprouts pushing through. Hurray! We'll be snacking on those greens in no time.

We spent the weekend in Knoxville with my family. My sister's in from Wyoming (in the hopes that their house will sell, she's checking out Abingdon and Marion, VA where they may move this spring), and we celebrated by nephew Kaleb's fourth birthday on Saturday. The party included a spaghetti with meatballs dinner, followed by a five-cousin chase around the deck (followed by a trip, a crash, and a cry), opening presents, and ice cream cake. The boys really enjoy each other's company, despite the regular squabbles over a toy and the occasional urge to push someone down or grab what's in their hands. Kaleb is all about pretending he's a dinosaur, and luckily that red-tooth dinosaur had a lot of teeth so that Myles could see how the big boys brush their teeth.

My dad's absence was a regular presence throughout the weekend. I wonder what he'd think of this economy, of that evening's news on CNN. I hear his laughter around every corner and almost expect him to be the first one up in the morning, bustling in the kitchen to get the coffee on. We're learning more and more what an anchor, what a mediator, what a calming presence he was for our family. The weekend wasn't the same without him, but I was grateful for the opportunity to go with my sister to his grave, to see the headstone now that it's in, to talk about how we're doing with the grief journey.

I'm preparing for my trip to DC for Ecumenical Advocacy Days this weekend. I do love my work with WAND! I'll be gone one night longer than I'd like, but I'm very excited to see my friend Liz in the third trimester of her first pregnancy. We were on staff together in Letcher County, Kentucky for the Appalachia Service Project twelve years ago (with one of our other favorite people in the world), and now I get to see her pregnant for the first time.

Myles' new word of the day: Now! As in, not tomorrow, "Now!!"

Speaking of which, time for bed.

Another week, another blog...

2009-03-04T17:23:00.000-08:00

Our weekend was a blast. The weather was raining, it didn't start to snow until Sunday morning so there was actually no skiing at the ski weekend vacation. The kids didn't really venture out, other than to plop in the hot tub now and again, and surprisingly with six families and six toddlers, none of us went crazy! There was one bloody lip, but Sagan, bless his heart, was back up and at it about three minutes after the tumble. There was lots of euchre playing, which warmed my yankee heart. Good food (homelaid eggs, home-bee honey, scrumptious strawberry salad to name a few things), good wine (well beer, in Seth's case), a trail run that kicked what I thought was my in-shape be-hind and above all just good conversation. I'm so grateful for this group of folks in our lives. Myles woke up on Sunday morning saying, "Hattie, Hattie, Hattie." To his chagrin, she was not yet awake. The kids loved eating in pairs in the two seats we brought for them all to share. They ran, they jumped, they played, they cried, they laughed. Good times had by all.

Mylestones: Today Myles walked in my heels across the laundry room (he picked them out of the closet), and I couldn't resist a snapshot. In the photo where he's wearing green, he's singing Itsy Bitsy spider with the motions. Today he started saying "thank-you" and he's learned that please also goes a long way. He has Seth's friendly heart. When we were in the grocery store this week, there was a woman half way up the long aisle and he said, "hi!" When she didn't respond (she couldn't hear him), he shouted louder. She never did figure out he was calling to her, but that's the kind of friendliness he so often displays when we're out and about. He's also become a backseat driver. On the way to the ski house on Friday, Seth got the car stuck in the woods (don't ask), and when we finally got un-stuck, Myles kept repeating, "Papi, car, stuck!" When either of us is going too fast or stops too suddenly we can expect to get an impatient "Mama" or "Papi!" He also loves to tell Juniper "no Boof!" Boof, of course, being his shortened version of her name.

We're really looking forward to the possibility of going to Knoxville this weekend to celebrate my nephew Kaleb's fourth birthday. My sister is in town with Kaleb and Finn, which is always a treat! Kaleb is running a fever and working out some kind of virus bug, however, so whether the plans will fall through remains to be seen. We remembered him in our prayers tonight. Get well Kaleb!

In Your Face...

2009-02-23T18:08:00.000-08:00

For those of you who know how passionate I am about mountain-top removal and how opinionated I am about the oxymoron "clean coal," you'll be pleased to know I had ten seconds to speak my piece on the Ed Shultz show on Friday. If you don't know who Ed Shultz is and you're politically progressive, you'd probably really enjoy his radio show. In Asheville it's 880 am, and it's on every day from noon - 2:00pm. He's also a bit of a regular on CNN as a lefty guest. We found Ed last year and we've been faithful listeners. I don't always agree with him (take "clean coal" for example), but most of the time I dig his show. On Friday, he had two guests on talking about "clean coal," one was a coal industry guy and the other was from Center for American Progress. What gets me about the conversation is that no one ever talks about extraction, it's all about whether we can make coal cleaner in the burning process, but what about those mountains that have been razed to get at the coal? So I called in, and got to speak for about 30 seconds about mountain top removal. The "clean coal" advocate said he lived in KY and that it's not called mountain top removal but mountain top mining. Furthermore, he said, only 3% of coal is extracted in that fashion. I said: those people whose mountains are gone and whose communities flood every year probably don't care what the percentage is. He said, well we've actually been able to bring in lots of industry to put on the flat land (where the mountains used to be) so it's good for the community. Wow. Blowing up God's mountains to get at dirty coal, then slapping some industry on top to make it all good? Anyhow, it felt great to be able to add mountain top removal into the conversation. Thank you, Big Eddie, for taking my call...I know he's probably a secret fan of this blog.

Myles had a blast on Sunday at his friend Rye's birthday party, and we did too! Rye lives across the street from Myles' godparents, our friends Colleen and Tom, and they were at the party too with their girls. Myles got to play with Rye's trains and trucks and munch on the "cake" which was a huge rice crispy treat in the shape of a bear with frosting decor. Not much else going on since the last blog. On Friday we're headed for Sugar Mountain with a group of friends for a ski weekend. Me, I'll be in with the young'uns warming my sweet self by the fire. Forget skiing! But it will be fun to just chill with friends and let the kids entertain themselves. The flu is going around and Myles hasn't had it yet, so please please please I'm praying he won't get it and divert our plans.

Planting; Mylestones

2009-02-21T10:54:00.001-08:00

It was a tough one this week. Myles continued through the weekend to struggle without his pacifier, which led to sleepless nights and days without enough work getting done, since he wasn't napping well or at all. This also led to prolonged fits after nap time, one which had both of us in tears because it went on so long. Finally, on Tuesday, I thought, "this is crazy!" My son is two and I've just taken away his primary coping mechanism...so I asked for some advice from some other mamas. My sister voted, "re-pacify!" and Donna sent me an excerpt from Dr. Sears' book and from a web source that both said it wouldn't hurt a two year old psychologically or dentally to keep on keepin on with the paci, especially if it's only during sleep time. I called a local pediatric dentist who said the same thing. So, on Tuesday night we went out and bought another pacifier (this was day eleven!!), and life's been good ever since in the sleep and behavioral departments. We're only using it at sleeping time, or if a major tantrum takes place, and we hope that when the time is right for the next step, we all will know. I tell you what, parenting is an exercise in humility. Sometimes you just don't get it right. My respect for my parents' parenting increases by the day...

Back to the tough week. Seth's department at the city also had some lay-offs this week. Two really stand-up employees were told that they will be laid off come June, one has worked closely with Seth for years and is deeply respected by those who work with him. There are eight more positions that are slated to be reduced to four jobs. Each of the eight employees will be notified that they can compete for the four remaining jobs. We are pretty sure that Seth is not one of these. It seems he's made it through the first round of lay-offs, but morale is very low and our view of the economic downturn is much different than it was even a month ago. If Seth did lose his job, for example, we would only sell our house at a big loss, since the housing market is down and we have new houses selling in our neighborhood for much lower than what ours cost. It's easy to feel panicked. Of course the worst thing about a job loss at this point would be forfeiting our dream of the new church start. So, we are incredibly grateful that Seth still has his job (and it looks like he will keep it for the time being). Still, we really feel for those who have lost their jobs and when lay-offs start you never quite look at your employer the same way.

Mylestones: In the midst of it all, Myles is growing and changing and doing new things. This week he counted to eight by himself (he still can't say "seven" so he skipped over that one). He's singing his ABC's with us, sometimes right on the money and sometimes just making it up as he goes (he knows the rhythm, and that's enough for him). He's also started "reading" to himself. He picks up a book and turns the pages and says some key words in a very animated way. I think this is a huge change, it's like he understands that a book is a story of something that happens and it unfolds with the pages. He's also increasingly excited about things that "pop!" like the toaster. Sometimes he will run and get a rag and pretend to clean up a spill or wipe his mouth, and if there's a real spill and we ask he will help clean it up. He loves to help do the dishes, water the plants, empty the dishwasher, feed Juniper, and pound the soles of his shoes together to get the mud out. In general, if you ask for his help with something he's excited to give it his best. He is refusing to eat veggies lately, and that's hard for the vegetarian mama. Hopefully as he gets older he will get better, but it's really frustrating to fix a nice meal for him and have it refused outright.

Planting: As the photos suggest, we got some seeds in the ground today. Freckled lettuce, spinach, and gourmet salad greens. Our friend Cindy, gardener extraordinaire and quite possibly the Asheville incarnation of Barbara Kingsolver, suggested the hay bales topped with old windows as a way to plant greens early and keep out the pesky frost when it comes poking around. Last year we had a really late start to planting because of my work crisis, so it's good to plant early this year and we have high hopes of eating our own salad greens soon. After the week we've had, planting some seeds in the ground is a good ritual of hope.

In Gratitude for Love

2009-02-14T16:24:00.000-08:00

"I hold this to be the highest task of a bond between two people: that each should stand guard over the solitude of the other...For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation." --Rainer Maria Rilke, read at our wedding

"I love you when you are silly. I love you when you are sad. I love you when I am away. I love you when we are cuddled up close. I love you when you sleep. I love you when you don't sleep. I love you when we dance. I love you when we stroll. I love you when you are sick. I love you when you feel better. I love you when you are stinky. I love you when you are squeaky clean. Most of all, I love you just the way you are." from the I Love You Book by Todd Parr, a Christmas gift to Myles from us

"To live in the world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go." --Mary Oliver, inscribed on the locket I won just before my birthday last year

'nuf said. Happy Valentines Day! Now go out and celebrate every kind of love you have in your life...

P.S. I saw the first crocuses and daffodils of the year this week...

De-Pacified Household...

2009-02-10T18:31:00.001-08:00

A quick post to let you know: we did it! On Friday night we went out for dinner and the server offered Myles a balloon. I thought, it's a sign! So on Saturday, I explained to Myles that he was such a biggie boy that he didn't need paci any more and we were going to say bye-bye to paci. I tied paci to the balloon, let go, and plunk! Turns out the paci was too heavy for the balloon. Plan B. I cut the tip of the paci and we gave it to Myles before bed. The strangest look came over his face and he said, "Stuck!" which was his way of saying the paci was broken. We said, well, you're so big now you don't need paci anymore. And we left it at that.

Night one: we heard some whimpering, but in general all went well.

Sunday nap: Refused.

Night two: Woke up to lots of crying around 1:00am, went back to sleep eventually.

Monday nap: After alternately chattering and whimpering, he fell into a deep sleep. I wont' tell you how long the chattering and whimpering went on.

Night three: Not bad. Some initial crying, but he seemed to sleep through the night.

Tuesday nap: Refused.

Some of you may know that my ability to make a living and create a new church start all at once relies heavily on my son's napping schedule. So. I'm feeling a little panicky at the moment, but this too shall pass. Or so they say.

Other Mylestones: Every day it's a new word. Today: heart, cow, and zoo. He's rediscovered his Kindermusik cds and is regularly interrupting NPR to beg for the same song over and over. He enjoyed getting real mail from his cousin in his wooden mailbox, and it included Nascar stickers that we promptly stuck on his bedroom window as well as candy hearts and a magnet. It's evident that Myles tries to tell and re-tell stories...some about cars and trucks doing things, some about boo-boos, and some about the books he reads. We can only make out a few words here and there, but there's passion in his storytelling, believe you me. He loves to sing Wheels on the bus, ABC's and Old MacDonald. While he can pronounce few of the words, he tries to get the tune right and throws in the occasional word for flare. He recognizes the city building and when we pull in to pick up Seth he shouts, "Papi!!"

Hot Cocoa and Negative Eleven...Oh February.

2009-02-05T17:45:00.000-08:00

Another snow day. Ho hum. My inner Michigander is once again doing battle with my wanna-be Southerner. While the town has shut down around us for the last two days, I've stubbornly refused to let the snow cramp my style. After all, I can still see the grass tops poking through the snow. Really folks, it's not that bad. But when I went for a morning run today in negative eleven degrees, I was humbled by that black ice. Slow, slow run. Better than nothing? This weekend promises warmer weather, possibly in the 60s...bring it on!

The cold weather prompted me to offer Myles his first taste of hot cocoa. Not only did he dig it, he requested a cereal bar, which he promptly dunked, then submerged completely in his delightful drink. This boy knows the meaning of pleasure. Other pleasure-filled delights: peering at your reflection in the metal circle on the tub wall, laughing until you puke when papi makes a funny face, bringing large cooking pots into the tub, helping mama pull the dead plants out of the garden, getting a kleenex out of the box and gently dabbing your nose, tossing peas into whatever you're drinking at dinner. Ah, life's little pleasures...just what February demands.

So here's the best news of all: my sister, brother in law, and two nephews are likely moving to the Abingdon/Marion (VA) region!! Roughly two hours from us and less than three from my mom, it's hardly believable. I've already conjured a weekend in which Myles and I hang back with Brenna and Finn while Seth and Brian take Kaleb camping. I don't know much about Abingdon and Marion (soon to find out more!), but I know enough to know that they are good Appalachian small towns that invite visits, with proximity to the Appalachian Trail, quality theater, a thriving arts and crafts community, and kickin farmers markets. In fact, Barbara Kingsolver (of the blessed Animal Vegetable Miracle) and her husband own a general store and restaurant not far from Abingdon, and the menu is mouthwatering! Always in season, local foods served. We are thrilled that Brenna and Brian might move...the prospect of Myles growing up close to Kaleb and Finn is so fun to ponder, we just hope that everything lines up to make it all possible. Good work, Brian, on that interview!!

Today Myles had his two year wellness check up. We're happy to be following his doctor since birth, Meredith (friend, doctor, and world traveler!), over to Ravenscroft as our new care provider, so it was our last day at Mahec. After the last visit in May, I insisted Seth come along to help with the shot. It was much much easier with papi in the mix! Myles weighs 30lbs, which is about 80-85%, and his height puts him in the 93%. Is it time to get him to the dentist? The doctor seemed to think we should get that started. If you have a child of similar age and any thoughts about when to do the dentist thing, do weigh in...

The paci: I know you all have been waiting on pins and needles to know the outcome of a de-pacified Hendler-Voss household. You'll be very disappointed to learn that Myles is even now upstairs asleep sucking thankfully on ole paci. We just don't want a sleepless week, you know? Ugg, no excuses. We gotta get rid of it soon. I heard a great story about a girl who had a goodbye paci party, in which paci got tied to a helium balloon and everyone shouted "goodbye!" as it floated out of view. She later discovered that the paci fairy had left a stuffed animal for her under a tree with a note saying that when she missed paci, she should hug the stuffed animal. Word on the street is that this paci party worked like a charm. Party, anyone?

Bewildered

2009-02-02T16:46:00.001-08:00

Last week, in the flash of an eye, Myles went from wearing his sweatshirt properly to this more artistic look. Not sure how it happened. That sentiment recurs a lot these days. Like last night, when Myles slipped from the big boy chair where he's been insisting on eating (his friend Sagan was over and sitting in Myles' high chair which Myles was more than happy to share) and crashed onto the floor. Or today when he managed to dump dried basil all over the floor. Sure did look pretty lying there all bright green on the kitchen floor. It must have been fun to dash it about like that.

Words of the week: "Tight." As in, this crazy southern winter weather, one day I'm in my spring jacket and the next day they stuff me into this puffy winter jacket and my seat belt's too tight.
"Ice." Sagan said it, so Myles repeated it. "Neck." As in, put that vics vapor rub on my neck. And, my personal favorite, "Amen!" Already he loves his mama's prayers. How blessed am I?

Speaking of blessings, my mom and I were talking on the phone the other night and she was telling me about this book she's reading that prescribes fifteen minutes of praising God each morning for a week. Notice how it changes things. Gratitude does change things. And maybe if I try each morning to name to God those things that I'm grateful for, and give thanks for God's mysterious, beautiful ways, maybe it will change things. It's worth a try. Not because my life is bad or sad or unmanageable, but just because I want to live with an undercurrent of joy and gratitude shaping the way I see things.

At the church service I attended last night, these words were on the cover of the bulletin:

Bewildered:

To be led astray, to become lost in pathless places, to be confounded for want of a plain road. To return to a wild place, become feral, uncultivated, undomesticated. To enter a desert. Not controlled by an outside force. Bewilderment is not momentary confusion or uncertainty. It is to become fundamentally displaced. Trauma may bring it on--illness or the death of a parent, companion, or child. Prolonged spiritual practice may bring it on. Accumulated, unattended sorrow may bring it on. In many religious mystical traditions, bewilderment is seen as a stage of spiritual development. --Rose Marie Berger

The scripture for the service affirmed that the wilderness, however, is where God's voice is heard.

Bewildering is a good word to describe the process of starting a new church. There are so many details, so many possibilities, so many intricacies, each one dependent on the outcome of the other.

Well, I'd reflect more, but I'm being summoned to a bath time. You get my drift. Blessings on your week, may it be full of creative clothing expression, the dashing of basil, and "Amen!"

Birthday Boy!

2009-01-26T16:25:00.001-08:00

Well, our boy is two years old. This weekend was quite the birthday bash. On Friday afternoon, Nana and Grandpa Hendler arrived. They stayed through the weekend, and Myles became quite enamored with his "Pa." (In fact when we pulled out of the driveway this morning and said our good-byes, Myles cried a bit...we're hoping the growing bond will persuade Seth's folks to relocate to the south sooner than later.)

On Saturday, we packed the car and arrived at the Nature Center for the birthday party a little before 10am. At ten, our guests began to arrive and we had snacks, homemade ice cream cake, and a visit from a real groundhog. The WNC Nature Center rehabilitates wild animals that have been wounded. It re-releases them to the wild when possible, otherwise it provides a home for them for the rest of their lives. At the Nature Center, you can see all kinds of animals from hawks and otters to wolves and bears, and there's also a petting area to interact with the domestic animals. Myles had a blast running around, patting sheep, spotting animals (the cougar was the coolest), and interacting with friends. We are so grateful to have such a wonderful group of friends, and that Myles has his own set of friends who he's beginning to enjoy more and more.

After the party, my mom, my brother's family, my brother-in-law, and Seth's folks all came back to the house for pizza, presents, and playing. Myles scored some incredible gifts, like two Hess trucks that used to belong to Seth, a wooden train set with a copy of the little engine that could, an art easel, a book that spells out his name, a mini repair shop for his wooden car set, a Kleen Kanteen, a gently used plastic shopping cart complete with a stuffed lamb sitting in the front (like a baby would), a donation to the Heifer Project with a book, and a wooden mail box with post cards, velcro stamps, and a key to open and close it. Wow! The boys played, and we chatted. My brother-in-law Brian was in town to interview for two positions in TN, one in Newport and the other in Tri Cities area. We were so excited to have him at our house for the first time, and from what we heard from my sister this evening, his interview went well, so we have high hopes that a move to this region might follow for her family. We missed cousins Kaleb and Finn (and Aunt Brenna)! And we also missed my dad.

Mylestones: Myles has started washing dishes several times/day. We are hopeful that someday this might actually be helpful. For now, it's an opportunity for him to play in soapy water with the less breakable things that need washing. This activity usually requires a complete change of clothes, because the front of his outfit gets soaked. We're on the lookout for an apron for him. Myles also helps feed Juniper (whose name he has started saying, but you would never know it because his interpretation sounds nothing like "Juniper"), helps put her in her crate and take her out of her crate. More and more he wants to eat his meals at a "big boy" chair (i.e. not his high chair), and he often makes a mess. We've started using his yellow place mat with a small trough that catches whatever falls between his body and the table. He also insists on going up and down the stairs by himself, though I will grab his hand anyway, because the stairs are wooden! He enjoys brushing his own teeth (or sucking on the toothpaste may be a better description of it). Oh, and now that he's turned two, he has zero interest in the potty. He also has zero interest in diaper changes, which sometimes turn into a wrestling match. Every Wednesday we go to story time at the library, and we just introduced him to a Sesame street video rental last week, and he's digging it!

Well, I guess that's enough of an update for now. A few friends were kind enough to wish me a happy birthing anniversary on Saturday, and I did pause to remember that long long labor (28 hours) and birth. I read my account of it in my journal, which I'm grateful to have. My baby's growing up!

Let it be Said by our Children's Children...

2009-01-20T16:56:00.000-08:00

6:20 am: Alarm goes off, out of bed and into the icy streets for a 4.5 mile run. Seth says if I can run in this weather, I can run in anything!

7:40am: Asheville City Schools are closed, Myles has no morning out program. Uh-oh, mama's under a deadline for work and needs to get this project done!

9:00am: Seth graciously agrees to go into work late so I can get some work done, heads to the library with Mr. "No, no" Myles. I churn out the words on how engaging the nuclear weapons danger can bring people of faith together across theological lines...unity, unity, unity.

11:00am: Seth returns and drops off Myles. I go to MSNBC for live coverage of the inauguration.

11:30am: Myles listens while I say the Lord's prayer with Rick Warren, we marvel at Aretha's hat.

12:00noon: Barack Hussein Obama officially becomes President of the United States of America while Yo-yo Ma and the gang play the most beautiful music (and the dance goes on...). I point out to Myles the violin, cello, clarinet, and piano.

12:05pm: President Obama takes the oath of office. Oops, chief justice messes up the words. Oops, Obama trips over his words too. So the man does have nerves.

12:10pm: "We are bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions."

"Hope over fear; unity over discord."

"Mindful of the sacrifices of our ancestors..."

"The ways we use energy strenthen our adversaries and harm the environment."

"New era of responsibility...the work of Re-making America..."

"The price and promise of citizenship."

"The depth of winter when nothing but hope and virtue could survive..."

"to the Muslim world..."

"not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good."

"Imagination + common purpose; necessity + courage"

"some question the scale of our ambitions..."

"all who seek a future of peace and dignity...we are ready to lead once more!"

"...what you can build, not what you can destroy."

"We will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist."

"Let it be said by our children's children..."

12:30pm: Praise Song for the Day: All about us is noise...each one of our ancestors on our tongues...We walk into that which we cannot yet see. Say it plain: many have died for this day. Sing the names of the dead who brought us here, who laid the train tracks, raised the bridges, picked the cotton and the lettuce, built brick by brick the glittering edifices they would then keep clean and work inside of. Praise song for struggle; praise song for the day...What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national? ...In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air, anything can be made, any sentence begun." Thank you, Elizabeth Alexander, who rode atop her parents shoulders at that famous march on Washington when she was the age of my son.

12:40pm: "God of our weary years, God of our silent tears, thou who has brought us thus far along the way. Thy who hast by thy might led us into the light, keep us forever on the path, we pray, lest our feet stray from the places, our God, where we met thee, lest our hearts drunk with wine of the world, we forget thee. Shadowed beneath thy hand, may we forever stand true to thee, true to our native land...We pray now, O Lord, for your blessing upon thy servant, Barack Obama, the 44th president of these United States, his family and his administration." Amen! Yes, I have met Rev. Joseph Lowery, stalwart of the Atlanta civil rights community and friend of WAND.

12:45pm: I hear a clatter in the kitchen. Could it be my toddler, who I have left to play unattended while I boo-hooed over the historic events of the day? Quickly, I rush out to the kitchen to find that he has "put away" the dirty silverware back into the drawer. I try to explain the nuances of dirty vs. clean and a fit ensues. It is then that I notice something brown and sticky on the floor. What could that be? The remains of a cereal bar? I call Juniper down to lick it up...she sniffs it once. I sniff it once. It all becomes clear. I haul Myles upstairs for a diaper change which involves a full change of clothes, a spray-down in the dog shower, an immediate load of laundry and, of course, the cleaning of the floor. How did poop manage to get on the bottom of his socks?

6:30pm: I shed a few tears while cooking and listening to NPR over the bittersweetness of this incredible day, but one I wish I could share with my dad. He wasn't a democrat, but he would have made some insightful observations and I daresay that something about Obama would have impressed him today. Wish I could have shared the day with my dad, but so grateful I did get to share it with my son. What will his children imagine about this day? What will I tell them? Maybe I will borrow a poet's words and say: "On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp...the mightiest word is love."

MLK weekend

2009-01-19T18:01:00.001-08:00

We're coming off a great MLK weekend that was marked by a reunion of old friends. Appalachia Servie Project friends Ashley and Meg (and little Olivia) drove up from Atlanta and Charlotte. Michelle and Michael joined us as we all convereged at Paul and Amy's on Friday night and caught up on the joys of life and life past between sips of beer and false dirty diaper alarms (the ever menacing "ghost poop"). The kids threw baby basketballs through a plastic hoop and ravaged Hazel's toy collection. All three later sat quietly at a foldable table eating their spaghetti. It's good to know our friendships will live on through our kids. After dinner the boys headed over to Michael's for six cross-eyed hours of xbox and the women did some of their own catching up. We had the gang over for brunch on Sunday and went out for dinner at Marco's on Sunday night. Today we went to the MLK peace march and rally with Myles.

P.S. This is the first blog written by Seth in a loooong time...

The Week's Odds and Ends

2009-01-11T16:23:00.000-08:00

New Church Start: An update on the exciting endeavor that's about to monopolize 2009...I'm very excited that we are now moving forward (almost full speed!) again with the new church start. The holidays made it difficult to do too much, so I'm glad to be moving into the new year. I am working with a woman named Sara, who's about to be ordained in the UCC, to co-lead a core group. Our next meeting is on Thursday, and we'll be discussing mission and vision. Once the mission and vision are fleshed out, we can begin fundraising and marketing. The core of what we are up to this first half of the year needs to be about bringing new people into the fold before our first worship service, which is slated for the end of May (may change, we'll see). We are first conducting community interviews of the small network we know in Black Mountain, and the people they recommend for us to talk with. I'm getting to know Black Mountain more, and it's such a beautiful town! We visited an Episcopal church there this morning, and I hope to soon set up some meetings with clergy in the area. It's a very exciting season, and there are some days when this endeavor gives me a tremendous amount of energy and gratitude. Other days, I wake up thinking, "what the heck am I about to do?" It's a huge undertaking, but one that I feel called to and equipped for. Now I just need your prayers!

Mylestones: When I was in Atlanta last month, I attended a colleague's dinner party fund-raiser for a mission trip to Guatemala through her church. Having visited Guatemala for a week when I studied in Honduras back in 1998 (think Hurricane Mitch), I know what a beautiful country it is, the richness of the indigenous culture, and the host of challenges it has faced as the wealthiest control the nation's resources and run the government, and the disparity between the rich minority and poor majority grows. Long story short, each of us at the party received a gift, and mine was this hat for Myles. Myles has never really liked hats, but it was too cute to pass up. This week, I finally moved it from a dresser in my bedroom down to Myles' room. When he woke up, he saw it and said "hat!" I asked him if he wanted to wear it and in characteristic Mylespeak he said, "yeah!" So he wore it all morning, and we got some photos of it. I hope he'll wear it more this spring and summer when the sun starts beating down again.

The Year in Rust: I also included a photo of our new living room rug, which we bought with Christmas money given to us by Seth's folks (thank you Susan and David!). Like many things in our marriage (I don't mean this in a cynical way, but in a confessional one), it took a great deal of negotiation to find a rug we both dug. This is it! I can't believe how expensive these things are, but it's a huge relief to have a sturdy play space for Myles, and Juniper looks like quite the queen when she reclines on it. Today, I read a post on the Asheville mama list that the Keen display shoes were on sale at Mast General. Two years ago, I happed to be shopping during this wonderful time. Display shoes are ones that have been on display, so they are marked down and only come in size 7. I'm more of a 6.5, but the last pair of Keens I bought was one of the best choices in footwear I've ever made. They lasted two years and are still kickin! So despite it being a "lean" week, I marched myself right into Mast General and bought a sassy pair of rust colored Keens. Here's the thing about the shoes: they are flat, so excellent for walking. They are casual, but I could get away with wearing them with some dress pants. They are waterproof. The color is "rum raisin," which made me think of my dad (his favorite ice cream flavor in the wide world). A good pair of shoes to walk in through the coming year.

Mylestones

2009-01-07T17:25:00.001-08:00

Soon, Myles will be two. On January 25th to be exact. We have arbitrarily set that mylestone as the paci-cut off date. On the one hand, it feels extreme to cut him off cold turkey from something that helps him calm down when he's upset, helps him fall asleep, and keeps him from putting all kinds of toys in his mouth. He loves his "paci" and it feels kind of mean spirited to plot and plan to take them away. (Btw, taking them away means cutting the tip of each one and calling them "broken") On the other hand, it just can't be good to have your kid sucking on plastic/silicone all the time. He wakes up sometimes in the middle of the night if it's fallen out of his mouth and he can't find it and cries for us. It is surely affecting his teeth and sometimes he tries to talk with it in and we can't understand him. He's going to be two, and it feels like now is the time to leave this habit behind. So today when he insisted on putting two in his mouth simultaneously, I thought, "you go, kid. Enjoy it while you can."

Other mylestones include a newfound love for clementine oranges (and when I say love, I mean eating four in a row and asking for "more!"); calling Seth and I "moppy" because it's just too much work to say mama and papi, the dreaded use of a word called "mine"; and lots of talking about babies, babies crying and "shh! baby."

We're hoping to get him into swim classes with Seth next month.

Honoring my Dad

2009-01-05T16:14:00.000-08:00

I'll begin with the story of the bad haircut. Myles' hair, as beautiful as it is, grows with abandon. If he was a girl, it would be down to his waist. He adores his evening bath, and every morning without fail he wakes up with bed head. No matter how we try to tame that bed head, it pops up, defying all combs. So the longer his hair gets, the more unruly it gets, and the more irritated mama gets. Last week, I was fed up. As he sat in his highchair eating a snack, I decided, this is it! I'm cutting it here and now.

I got out the clippers and showed them to Myles. They freaked him out. Disappointed, I resorted to a comb and scissors. As I cut his hair, Myles began to cry and grab his head as if he were in severe pain. I told him I knew it didn't hurt, that it was okay, that the less he resisted the faster we'd be done with the whole thing. As I was furiously clipping it occurred to me that I was not doing a good job. It's hard to cut hair when your client is twisting and grabbing and screaming! Then, after I had chopped the sides and top, I realized Myles was the most hysterical I'd ever seen him. He began dry heaving. I was horrified. How could I torture my sweet little one? Even though I wasn't causing him physical pain (I did not cut him or even come close), it was clear that he was emotionally distraught.

I stopped immediately, apologized profusely and redirected him to the tub (taking a bath always makes things better). As we washed away his tears, I got the chance to study my handiwork. His hair looked horrible. I remember in the 80s my first little elementary school boyfriend had a spike on top with sorta long hair in the back. Not long enough to pass for a mullet, but longer than the tops and sides. That's what Myles looked like. I later joked with Seth (who kinda liked the cut) that I could throw in some texturizer and tell other mamas: "I took him to Ananda...you wouldn't BELIEVE what they charged me!" Thankfully, we traveled to grandma's for the weekend and in front of the television, with papi working hard at all sorts of distractions, my mom was able to shape it up a little. I don't think I'll ever take a pair of scissors to his hair again in 2009!

On Friday night we headed to my mom's to celebrate Christmas (again) by exchanging gifts with her and my brother's family. We wished my sister's family could have been there, but after coming out to TN so often this fall, it was impossible for them to make it. My dad's absense was palpable. As soon as we walked in the house, Myles ran in as if he was looking for my dad. On Saturday morning as I was doing dishes and looking at the photos of my dad on the countertop, I missed him with that indescribable ache. It starts to sink in (and takes some time to fully register) that he's gone for good from this life. My dad had such a presence about him. He was such a positive being to be in the room with. Always serving people, always with a smile on his face, in a good mood. To not be able to hug him again or hear his voice...it's a lot to accept. As a Christian I believe I will see him again. Still, it's a long time to wait.

To honor my dad and remember his presence, we began our Christmas together by lighting four candles that represented love, memory, grief, and hope. My mom got this from a book called the Empty Chair, which I highly recommend. It's written from a Christian perspective about how to cope with holidays/holy days/special days after the loss of a loved one. As she lit the candle for love, we each shared what we loved about my dad, and what he loved most. For memory we remembered stories about my dad, funny and poignant. She lit the grief candle and we talked about our grief. And when she lit the candle for hope we talked about the hope that we will be with my dad again in heaven, the hope that we will see bits and pieces of him in his grandchildren, that we will share with them the stories of his life. (As I write all this, I have a little one tugging on my arm. I should have waited until after bedtime. My writing is not what it could be. But that's my life these days.)

After our ritual, we ate a delicious meal and then opened gifts. The boys had a blast! Myles got the basic plan city road set, and it's now set up on our coffee table for daily enjoyment. My sister sent us all LiveStrong bracelets (I wear the one that was my dad's even though it's too big). Seth and I gifted everyone with a dvd of a conversation we taped with my dad a week before he died, and later that night we watched it with my mom. There was my dad (it felt like it was yesterday) talking about what life was like for him growing up, remembering the moment he met my mom and how they fell in love, offering advice about career and family. He was very thin when we shot the video, and sitting on a pillow because it hurt him to sit even on a couch without padding. That cancer was killing him was evident in his body, but his voice was the same old dad and his spirit was gracious and good humored.

We made it through Christmas. When 2009 came, I shed a few tears because as awful as some of the events of 2008 were, I don't want to put behind me the last year when I saw my dad alive. Leaping into 2009 is leaping into a year when my dad is not bodily present in my life and the life of my child. It feels like moving on. And while I know we have no choice, we cannot stay in the present, there's something that feels all wrong about ringing in a new year in which my dad is gone from this earth. There's a lot to look forward to, and I grieve so much what's being left behind. I'm reminded that only by the grace of God we go on.

My mom was such a blessing to each of us this weekend. She was honest about grief, and once again I recognized that she has lost so much, that her loss is so different from mine. But she also insisted that we have a beautiful meal, that we laugh with the boys, that we do the things my dad would have wanted us to do like telling stories, being together, eating ice cream cake...

Gently, without fanfare, we move into this next year. There will be birthdays, anniversaries, challenges and achievements. Hopefully, prayerfully, there will be a new church. Spring will come. The earth will re-create itself each morning as God wills the sun to rise again on a new day. Myles will grow and need another hair cut. Time passes. I remember in theological school I learned that in some traditional African religions, they believe that the ancestors continue to live among us so long as their names are spoken and they are remembered. There's a power in remembering. So I guess that's what I'm grateful for tonight. No new year's resolutions, except to put one foot in front of the other and keep stepping.

White Christmas

2008-12-30T17:45:00.001-08:00

It felt like an epic journey, through the mountains, under steely gray skies, into the wintry mix of Michigan. We made it safely to Detroit on Monday, and watched it snow all day Tuesday. Seth and I both ventured out for morning runs on Tuesday, an exercise in absurdity as we slipped and slid and jogged at a pace so slow we probably could have walked faster. But it was still a work out, and it did feel good to be out in a cold unlike what we experience most of the time in NC. We weren't sure if we would make it to Hemlock on Christmas Eve for Christmas with my mom's side of the family. Turned out the roads were okay, although some of the snow banks in Hemlock towered over our car. (By okay, I mean they were drivable by Michigan standards...had they been that slick on the mountain roads in NC, folks would have locked themselves indoors.)

I think I mentioned in the Thanksgiving post that my family rents a church hall for Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations. We're too big to all fit in my grandparents' (pictured above) farm house that my mom grew up in, and the hall works very well for our potluck meal and the crop of great grandkids running wild. This year, my cousin's wife managed to get us started on a new family tradition, a white elephant Christmas exchange, only with gifts someone might actually want. It was much more interactive than the old days of everyone opening their gifts at once in a mad flurry of wrapping paper and exclamations. Thank you, Deja! Myles had a fabulous time and because he ate well (more meatballs than I care to count) he got to have that piece of pumpkin pie he's been coveting since Thanksgiving. My nephew Cullen ate more green-frosted Christmas cookies than you could fit on a plate, and ran around with a green mouth and contented smile.

That afternoon we piled back into the car with my mom and headed west to my dad's mom's house. Again, we were nervous about the weather, and it was bad but driveable. It was a packed house with my Aunt Barb living there temporarily as she sells her house and looks for a new one, but my grandma always makes us feel so welcome and loved. On Christmas, my cousin's family came over (see Myles enjoying Kameron's new ipod above). There were some tears, which was a good thing. I needed some tears this Christmas, and my grandma always helps in that department! My mom gave her the gift of my dad's caring bridge book, and it is quite a volume with so many incredible guest entries and some beautiful pictures.

On Friday we headed back to Detroit for one more night, then we set sail for Knoxville on Saturday, though I have to admit I was totally disgusted and dismayed by the news of the coal ash spill in Kingston, less than an hour from my mom's house. (Here's my editorial: Clean coal? Are they crazy? First they blow up mountains to get the coal, then dump the slag waste into miles of streams and rivers, then they store the sludge in leaky conatiners, and now the ash that they prevent from going into the air, to make it "clean coal," spills a billion gallons all over people's homes, farm lands, and they are still saying it's safe to drink the water...folks, there's no such thing as clean coal.)

On Sunday, we returned home. Ah, home. We picked up Juniper from the pet vet, where she received the comment "does not play well with others" on her report. We've left her there way too much in the last six months. Our season of heavy traveling is coming to a close, and we hope to spend a lot more time in Asheville in the coming year.

This morning, Santa came. Myles doesn't really get Santa, but he sure did get it that someone brought him a new "bike" (actually it's a Radio Flyer trike with a parental steering tool on the back). All I heard all day was "bike," and we got out twice into the good weather to make use of it. We learned the hard way that it's absoulte foolishness to not pre-assemble the kid's toys...lesson learned.

Christmas was much better for me than Thanksgiving. I guess it was a busy trip, and though I did have time for thought and reflection, it really felt this year like I just needed to get through it. And we did. I miss my dad. We all missed him this year. Some of us are better able to express that loneliness with tears or words, but we all felt it, this huge hole where his spirit would have been, an aching gap that's impossible to fill. My sister's birthday was yesterday and my mom's is new year's day, and those are difficult days to mark without my dad. Seth and I were able to visit his grave on our way out of Knoxville, but I don't feel his presence there either. It's a place for me to go, but he's not there.

There was one moment when I was driving back through the mountains into Knoxville and the sun was setting that I felt my sorrow turn ever so slightly into gratitude. I miss my dad so much because he was such an incredible father and person. I have many moments and memories to be thankful for, the depth of sorrow is the inverse of the joy that I had in all those years he was alive...a strange equation to be sure.

There are a thousand noteworthy things that Myles has done in the last few weeks that I've meant to record in this blog, and it seems they always slip away when I try to sum up our weeks. He's saying all kinds of words. We got to peek at our next door neighbor's great grand-daughter (8 days old) on Sunday and when we left the house, Myles said "Baby cry." He looked so big compared to her 7 lb frame. Tonight after our dinner prayer, he said "more!" It doesn't get any better than that. Well, that's it for tonight. Thanks for tuning in...

Surviving Sin City

2008-12-14T06:04:00.001-08:00

Late Monday night, I returned home unscathed from a whirlwind trip to Vegas. When I arrived in sin city on Saturday evening, it was to an airport filled with large screens of dancers and performers amidst a slew of slot machines filling every corner with flashing lights, bells, whistles, and the occasional gambler. A van wrapped in gaudy advertisements transported me to Bally's casino hotel, and I stumbled into a smoke-filled lobby armed to the teeth with, yes, more slot machines. Smoking in a hotel lobby? Really? When I finally made it to the hotel bed, (after using my hotel room key complete with an image of a half naked woman on it) there was a letter on the bed informing guests that the Las Vegas marathon would be happening the following morning at 6am (9am east coast time), and the strip would be shut down to traffic. Now Seth was really jealous of my trip. He had spoken longingly of the infamous Vegas buffets, and now there just happened to be a marathon going on as well...

So on Sunday I woke up, suited up in my running clothes, and folded in with the marathoners. What a great way to see the strip! In my five mile run (and five mile return walk), I concluded that Las Vegas is the gaudiest city I'm likely ever to see. Along the street, music is piped through loud speakers, and there are pools of unnaturally blue water hosting large pirate ships. There is no silence in this part of the city. The streets were littered with the previous evening's baseball card sized porn, spewed all over the streets, sticking to side walks even as they were diligently cleaned by crews of people and machines. On more than one occasion the thought crossed my mind, this city's really not for me. Still, there were fascinating sights to see. Like two Elvis look-alikes running a half marathon, and the three young people (who looked like they could have been rounded up at Greenlife) hoisting large felt signs with slogans like "You're going to hell! Jesus saves."

For the next day and a half I attended a fabulous training with women state legislators from all over the country (one of whom was younger than me). I do love my work! When I arrived home close to midnight on Monday evening, I couldn't resist creeping into Myles' room to pick him up and hug him in his sleep.

Last week was filled up with preparation for a core group meeting we hosted on Thursday night for the new church start, and my trip to Atlanta on Friday and Saturday. What a whirlwind! My inbox is overflowing and I haven't been able to weed through all my emails, so if you sent me something and I haven't responded, I apologize. Will update the blog again soon, so stay tuned! It's good to be home in cool, green Asheville...

Vegas, Baby.

2008-12-05T17:25:00.001-08:00

Well, I've been avoiding the blog. Thanksgiving was a hard holiday for me this year. I thought I would feel better surrounded by family. But I didn't. I think no matter where I was or who I was with, it would have been a hard day for me, and that's just the way things are this year. It was a treat, though, to be with all the little ones. I have twelve cousins on my mom's side (plus six cousin-spouses), and of their kids, nine of them were at "the hall" for Thanksgiving this year, all under the age of 7. My Aunt Tina was wise enough to throw some bouncy balls in the mix, and the day was an absolute hit for Myles! Because my mom's side of the family is so large, we now celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas at a church hall. Turns out, it's a great space for the kids. Here is Myles pictured with Alexis and Haley.

Mylestones: So much seems to be happening so quickly with Myles. His mind is really growing and sponge-like these days. The other day, he came out of my office with a work document that includes a photo of me and several other women. It was taken when my hair was very short. He was pointing at the photo saying, "Mama, mama!" Recently, he's wanted to sleep with a special item most nights, last night it was tupperware, and the night before it was a jeep that is heavy and hard, not exactly something I'd snuggle up with. He is trying to talk more and more. Sometimes it's clear he's really trying to say something and I feel awful when I have no idea what he's saying. He enjoys listening to "Old MacDonald Had a Farm" and chimes in on the e-i-e-i-o, then claps and says "yay!" at the end. We just started the advent calendar and already he's fascinated with it and with the Christmas ornaments that are ready to be put on a tree if we can just figure out what an eco-conscious family is supposed to do about the whole Christmas tree quandry. I think we will be borrowing a fake tree from our friends who went real this year. It's our first Christmas tree, so makes sense to ease into the whole thing. And finally, we know Myles has really progressed because he thinks it's hilarious to "toot" as we call it, and will expend untold amounts of energy trying to force out a toot so he can laugh. Ah, he is his father's child.

Tomorrow promises to be a full day. We will have our Saturday waffles, then head to the church we've been attending on and off to participate in their good Samaritan program. We are putting together baskets for ten local families, all of them families affected by the immigration raid on a manufacturing plant just outside of Asheville. After the baskets are assembled, they will be dropped off anonymously at the homes of the families, and then everyone will gather back for lunch. We are skipping out early to get Myles' photo taken at 11:30. And then I'm flying to Vegas for a few days of training for work. I'm not much of a Vegas girl. I think I would have a panic attack if I ever gambled with my own money, and I can't think of an environment that's further removed from God's green Earth than a casino...but I will be with some smart, fun women, so I'm looking forward to the experience.

Last Monday, Seth spoke at Appalachian State's conference, "The Power of Design," about the chapter that we co-wrote for a book that just came out entitled Expanding Architecture. Our chapter is about asset-based community design (we taught a class on this concept for the Summer Studio in 2005 and 2006). Although I was not able to hear him speak, word on the street is that he was his brilliant, engaging self. He was gifted with a beautifully crafted coffee mug with a quote from none other than Myles Horton. While we were up in snowy Boone, I also had the chance to meet with the pastor of a new UCC church there. She was very encouraging as I move forward with the new church start, and I think she will continue to be a wise advisor to me in the process.

Finally, a shout out to Sara Z who had the remarkable intuition to know that the one thing that would make this trying holiday season a little better was chocolate truffles. They arrived safely on my doorstep this morning, and are presently half gone...thank you, God, for wonderful friends!

Joy Joy Joy Joy

2008-11-23T17:18:00.001-08:00

As the title of this post suggests, a profound event occurred in the life of our family on Friday, November 21st. Myles took his first poop on the potty. The shock of this unexpected event and the wave of joy that overtook us as we celebrated with smarties was such that Seth wanted to take a photo of the proof and post it on the blog. Moments later we came to our senses and realized that this mylestone may not, in fact, be as significant in the lives of our readership as it is in ours. Needless to say, it all may have been just a fluke. Regardless, positive reinforcement followed the blessed event, including a congratulatory call with Grandma Voss. Go Myles!!

In other news, we had a really good weekend together. On Friday night I went out with some friends to the Thirsty Monk for some beer and a fancy, fine cheese plate. On Saturday we had the most delicious waffles made by Seth, and Seth and Myles went to see the holiday parade with the Weisner bunch while I went to a board retreat. On Saturday night, a friend watched Myles while Seth and I went to see Changeling. While perhaps not the best movie selection for a date (i.e. a movie all about a mother losing her child, making me think about my own child a little too much for a date), it was a gift to be together, out on the town, having a good time. This morning we went for a family run with Myles in the jog stroller (I'll admit it--I behaved terribly and complained when the going got rough), then did some Christmas shopping, ate at a new neighborhood joint that was fabulous (tater tots, need I say more?), then went to a pumpkin party at Michelle's house where we feasted on pumpkin chili, pumpkin pasta, pumpkin bread, pumpkin cookies, and pumpkin beer. We had some quality family time and enjoyed our lovely town...and then of course I had some mixed feelings about the whole thing.

By habit, the Christmas spirit will wash over me and my thoughts will turn to all the things I love about the holiday season. Then I quickly recall that my dad will not be a part of it all this year. I remember last year's Thanksgiving when he drove without complaint up to Michigan with my mom, Seth, Myles and I, even though he was in the throes of chemo side effects. I remember it vaguely occurred to me once on Christmas that it might be my last Christmas with my dad, then I quickly pushed the thought out of my mind as pessimistic and unlikely. Would it have been different if I had known?

I know my dad would want me to count my blessings this Thanksgiving, like every Thanksgiving, but I guess I just haven't figured out how to honor his memory and acknowledge my grief in this complicated season, amidst the thousand messages we receive every day about the joy of the season. Christmas is, at its heart, about God bringing new life into the world in a cold, inhospitable season. Advent is about anticipating God doing a new thing in our lives if we wait.

Here's what Annie Dillard says about this time:

"Carvin's Cove path have dried, dropped, and blown; the acorn itself is shrunk and sere. But the sheath of the stem holds water and the white root still delicately sucks, porous and permeable, mute. The death of the self of which the great writers speak is no violent act. It is merely the joining of the great rock heart of the earth in its roll. It is merely the slow cessation of the will's spirits and the intellect's chatter: it is waiting like a hollow bell with a stilled tongue. The waiting itself is the thing."

I think I'll reflect more on this season as lived through the veil of grief in other posts. (This one was originally to be about more mundane things, if you recall). But I wanted to mention it here, because it's become a part of my daily grind. Untangling the spirit of this season from the raw nerve of grief; not feeling guilty if I embrace the season's joy for a day or an hour; waking up every morning to the reality that Thanksgiving, Christmas, and life will never be the same. It's a confusing time. But I'm grateful we had a good weekend. And I hope you did too.

Thank You Richmond

2008-11-18T17:40:00.000-08:00

Thank you Richmond for allowing me to run down your tree lined streets and along your river. Thank you for the giant monuments of Civil War heroes and colorful brick row houses that marked my way up and down your boulevards and in and out of your neighborhoods. Thank you Richmond for the warm flat shot of coca cola at mile 22, for the cold wet face clothes at mile 24, for the Port-a-John that shone like a golden pyramid at mile 18. Thank you for humbling me at mile 16 when my feet caught fire and my legs crystalized into dead weight. Thank you for reminding me that marathons level the playing field for runners of all abilities and that my speed and ego won't help me when my energy's all gone. Thank you for emptying out your rain and lightening hours before the 8 am start and letting the sun break through the clouds as I reached the half-way mark. Thank you for the beer stand at mile 20 and for the free shot of Jim Bean at mile 21. Although I gagged at the thought of gulping down these things, I thank the caring men and women who were looking out for the most desperate of runners. Thank you Richmond for hosting my mom, dad, brothers , my brothers spouses, Mandy, Myles, and Adam and James who came to watch me pound the pavement for 3 hours and 31 minutes. Thank you Megan for having pity on me and jogging in the last half mile. Thank you Richmond for sharing a piece of sidewalk with me at the end of my not-so-gallant finish. Only you knew that I was just resting when the three police men came over to start CPR.

And lastly, thank you Bob for being there with me every step of the way. This one was for you.

The Grieving Person's Bill of Rights

2008-11-12T17:24:00.001-08:00

1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
2. You have the right to talk about your grief.
3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.
4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
5. You have the right to experience "grief attacks."
6. You have the right to make use of ritual.
7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
8. You have the right to search for meaning.
9. You have the right to treasure your memories.
10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.
11. You have the right to self medicate with dark chocolate. (Okay, I added this last one)

Can you tell I went to therapy this week? I tell you what, as a pastor I learned that there are a great many people in our lives who are grieving something precious. It's not always the loss of a loved one, though it can be. As human beings, there's a lot of loss and grief in our lives. Change is constant, and even celebratory change means we have to let go of something old that we may have treasured and loved. So to any of you who might be grieving anything, read through this bill of rights and remember that you have the right to make space in your life to do these things.

Today, I am thinking more about my dad because Myles has been sick with a stomach bug all day, relentlessly, and I have been playing the role of the worried-try-to-remain-calm care giver. I remember how we cared for my dad in his final weeks, and I think about the many occasions in which he cared for me when I was little and sick like Myles.

Our plan was to hit the road for Richmond tomorrow, but that's looking less likely tonight. We'll see what tomorrow brings. Say a prayer for Myles!

Composting out the Wazoo...

2008-11-10T17:44:00.001-08:00

Mylestones: In addition to an explosion of words, which all kind of sound the same but can be distinguished one from another by his loving parents (more, hi, bye, car, truck, doggie, ball, sorry, mama, oh-ba-ma, etc.), Myles has become an accomplished piano player. We're so proud!

Compost: For several years, I've wanted to compost. Trouble is, all the compost bins cost an arm and a leg. It's hard to justify spending over $100 for something that you're going to put organic waste into. It's just a plastic bin, after all! So everytime I pushed Seth to get the compost bin, he resisted and I relented. Finally, my mom showed me a magazine that suggested the following: buy a cheap plastic garbage bin, dig a huge hole for it in your yard, drill holes in the garbage can for worms to get in, plop it in the hole, put the top on it, and voila! A perfect spot for composting. We have finally completed all of the above, and began with composting our pumpkins, along with some leaves, and now all our kitchen scraps. I know we're quite behind the times in green Asheville, but better late than never. We are especially looking forward to some good quality stuff once it has all mixed and disintegrated and worms have eaten it and pooped it back out...then we can spread it on our garden, and in our front yard. Our soil quality leaves much to be desired, so it will do all of our plants some good.

This weekend, we travel to Richmond, VA to see Seth's family and cheer him on as he runs his second marathon. Go Seth! He's in pretty excellent shape, and we are hoping that all goes well on Saturday morning. It will also be the first time that Myles and I have seen Seth's family since his brother's wedding in May, so it will be good to catch up and hang out. We will be staying at Greg's new house (Seth's oldest brother), but also hope to be able to check out Jon (Seth's middle brother) and Brian's place, who also live in Richmond.

Headed up to watch an episode of the office, so signing off...